Tonight
I have a number of other journal entries to post from our recent trip to Hawaii, as it turned out to be full of triggers and trauma, with some breakthroughs along the way, and I do want to share those. However, we just returned home and I am exhausted, depleted, anxious, and feeling sick… and I feel like sharing.
Today was our scheduled flight home from Kona. We were in first class, row 2, so we were on the plane early and in full view of everyone boarding. Even though we were leaving paradise to return home to cold and dreary weather, we were both ready. Christmas music, decorations, and santa in Hawaii are just weird to me. We were ready to see our kids again (they returned last Saturday), our pets, and ready to get back into some kind of rhythm. As I said before, trauma knows no bounds, and I am ready to deal with my trauma and my husband’s recovery from home for a while, with therapists and 12 step support, sponsors, etc… Well, we’ll only be home for a few weeks or so before we are off on a business trip that will no doubt include a boat load of triggers because it is to Japan, one of the locations my husband and his 8-year affair partner spent long trips in 2008, 2010 (Valentine’s Day), and 2012. In the meantime, we are heading home.
So, we are sitting on the plane, and there are a stream of passengers filing on, and my husband says something to me, that I cannot hear, because he is kind of whispering, so I lean over and say, “what?” And he says, “don’t look up.” Just as he says this, “Camilla”, my husband’s horrifying and most recent affair partner is standing over us saying, “Well, hi Kat, hi Blue Eyes, what a strange coincidence.” And the words just kind of slither off her tongue. This is a woman I have only seen from a distance (remember, the reconnaissance mission… ). Now, I am seeing her right there maybe three feet away. I am in the window seat, my husband in the aisle seat. She is close enough to touch my husband! She is crazier looking than what I had seen from across the hospital parking lot in July. Her hair is wild and frizzy and bleached, she is large, I mean kind of like “The Trunchbull” from Matilda. She has beady little eyes and her skin is pasty white (on a plane home from Hawaii!). I am still horrified by her and what my husband did with her. It really does feel completely unreal. She was not at all surprised to see us on this plane and she was full of confidence when she opened her mouth. She looked at me as she spoke to us and then she gave this creepy little grin and continued on down the aisle into coach. My husband was visibly nervous and shaken. I am still blown away by the fact that my husband would have sex with that creature, FOR EIGHT YEARS!
The entire flight I was sick. At first, I thought I was going to be okay, but when they closed the plane door, I started to panic. I felt claustrophobic. My husband asked if we should ask to get off the plane and take a different flight home. Maybe even stay a couple extra days. I was hearing what he was saying, but it wasn’t really registering. It seemed like he was really far away. As my eyes darted around, I started to cry for no apparent reason other than I felt alone, like I needed my family. I quickly texted my Dad, and our oldest son, who would be picking us up at the airport, and they were horrified, but of course, there was nothing they could do for me. My husband phoned his therapist, who called right back. The Shrink could not believe we had such awful “luck,” but he reminded my husband of the plan if she ever confronted him. He reminded him to ignore her, not speak to her at all, and walk away. Well, walking away is a little difficult on a plane over the Pacific Ocean. We just hoped that she was seated far enough back in the plane that she would have no reason to come forward to first class. My guess is this was a last minute attempt to drive me insane and she was probably in those dreaded seats closest to the rear bathrooms. If she did attempt to speak with us again, we would alert the flight attendant that she was a stalker and I’m sure they would redirect her back to her seat. For a couple hours, things calmed down for me. We watched a movie together after lunch. Then, about 3/4 of the way through the movie, I started to have anxiety about the airport. I already have anxiety at airports, and now, my worst nightmare had actually come true. I honestly never thought it would. I was beginning to get over my fear and paranoia, and then BAM, there she is. Despite her crazy talk, this is not a coincidence? I am quite good at constantly surveilling my surroundings, outside the airport, at bag check, at the gate waiting to board, etc… She was not there. That is not a coincidence. She kept herself hidden. Thankfully, she did not approach us during the flight, but I spent a lot of time in the bathroom being sick, and a lot of time in my seat shaking and glancing around nervously.
Since we were first off the plane, we decided to just go down to baggage claim and either hope she didn’t have a checked bag, or that our bags would come out before she made her way down. I should have known that whether she had a bag or not, she would be there with us in baggage claim, and sure enough, she was. Unfortunately, the bags were taking forever. I saw her first, as she approached the baggage claim area in her generic brand trainers, mom jeans and oversized and weathered old second hand winter coat. We moved as far away as possible while still being able to see the baggage carrousel. We were hidden behind a post, which meant we could not see her either. I became really nervous that I could not see where she had gone and I was starting to freak out. I told my husband I thought we should move closer to the bags, so we could grab ours and go as our son had arrived at the claim area and would be able to quickly pick us up. I thought I saw our bags, so we approached the carrousel, and there she was. She was on the other side of the post from where we were standing. She could probably hear everything we were saying. As soon as we left the post and started towards the bags, she made a bee-line straight for me. She had her beady little eyes focused on me, not on my husband. I really believe she had every intention of having a conversation with me, at the very least. As soon as my husband saw her, he gently grabbed my arm and steered me towards the exit… and she followed!!! We went outside, but she stayed in, there were airport cops everywhere. I was scared and shaking. We were not allowed to stay parked there. I jumped into our car. We ended up having to send our son in to fetch both our big suitcases and our tennis rackets. He is such a trooper, The Pragmatist. The whole thing was surreal. We made a circle around the departures area and by the time we came back around, he was there with the bags, he loaded them in the car, and we took off. The entire ride home I shook and my teeth chattered and my mind went to a place of which I have no memory.
I am home now, but I still feel that creepy, slimy feeling like I have somehow been molested. I know her being on that plane was no coincidence at all.
try not to cry on my rainbow 
Pingback: Do not say those words… | try not to cry on my rainbow
Pingback: The new normal | try not to cry on my rainbow
I can certainly understand your feelings BUT she is the one who should be scared, ashamed, nervous, anxious – she is the one who violated you! Yes your husband lied to her but like you said really what did she expect from a guy she met on CL???? I would stare right back at that lady the next time I saw her and if she DARED speak to me I would call her a nasty whore right to her face and tell everyone in ear shot that she likes to sleep with married men and harass their wives. Yes it might be a little embarrassing for everyone to hear that your husband fooled around BUT as we all know it is extremely common and I’m sure there will be many women who will secretly love it. I know I would! Don’t let her intimidate you – she should be intimidated. He chose you. She never meant a thing to him other than a hole to stick- disgusting but true. She’s the one that should be walking around feeling like nothing – not you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I totally agree with you and I think now I would be better equipped to behave in a sensible manner. Hopefully we will not be confronted by her ever again and will never have to find out. Intimidation and aggression are just such ugly character traits and that is part of what makes her so scary for me, but as we are distanced from my husband’s dysfunctional relationship with her, I’m pretty sure I become more confident and she must be less so. I am sure she does feel like nothing… probably has since she was a little girl. It’s just no reason to be a bully and attack other innocent people. Thanks for the support. I can always use that!!!
LikeLike
holy crap! so glad youre ok!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow. I am speechless. I cannot even imagine how horrifying that would have been. You handled it very well. I agree…definitely not coincidence
Her being there. If she’d fly to hawaii fo stalk you, I think you may need to think seriously about legal action. *shudder* ugh. I’m shaking for you. Poor thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now you can see why I don’t associate you with crazy Camilla, or most anything going on in my life. Sadly enough, my husband did pick a crazy one, and then told her all kinds of things to lure her in, and now we are both dealing with the consequences. It sucks! Thanks for the support. I stopped shaking at about 2:00am. Feeling better today, like my husband and I crossed a hurdle together. Thanks for your supportive words!
LikeLike
Yes – I certainly can see that now. Glad you were able to stop shaking, and you’re feeling better now. Especially that you crossed that hurdle together. Your husband seems so much like he is trying so hard, and really, that is huge. I just get this feeling that you guys are going to be okay reading your blog, despite how hard everything still iis, and all the shit you’ve been through. And of course – I’m just an outsider looking in – but I really have this good vibe about you two.
LikeLike
That is truly spooky. It’s one thing to run into her in your home town, but to deliberately fly to a Hawaiian island simply to have a moment of “gotcha.” That’s beyond crazy. I would be on high alert.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Mrs. Smiley 😉 ! Yeah, it’s beyond crazy. I have already left a message with our friendly policewoman. I do think the stalker is a big bully. I’m not convinced she is violent, I think she believes she can drive me crazy. She is patient and apparently has money to burn. Ironically, I feel a lot better today. I also feel better that this time Blue Eyes got to see her in person. To face the reality of his addiction square on. The consensus is, it was not a coincidence, but I am going to try and not let that further ruin my good holiday mood!
LikeLike
Very doubtful on the coincidence. Have you ever taken legal advice about her? Hilariously, ours sent ME a protection order. Luckily I am no idiot, and I realised immediately that it was fake – no signature from the issuing police station?!!! I don’t know what she was trying to achieve, well, actually I do. She was pre-empting me getting one on her, for her stalker behaviour – “see, this woman is nuts, I had to get a protection order on HER!” Something pretty special about sociopaths. Scary, but hopefully you can eventually scrape her off your life enough. I am so sorry for your experience,
LikeLiked by 1 person
We have never taken legal action. The policewoman that was at our house in July suggested we get a restraining order, but with the restraining order, you have to go to court and actually be in a room with her and neither my husband or I were willing to do that. I contemplated hiring a PI to have her followed just to make sure she wasn’t anywhere near us, but I decided not to waste our money. I have heard so many stories about the psychotic whores trying to turn things around on the wife (like your story) and I didn’t want to give her anything at all to use against me. I didn’t want crazy to win, but fear has always been my problem. I have a sister with borderline personality disorder and this woman really reminds me of my sister when she was suffering with her illness with no therapy or medication. She slept with numerous married men (single men too, any man really), but she never wanted to be with the men, and she never contacted the wife. Most of the “relationships” were very short. She moved on quickly. She just used them because she could, it filled an emptiness I am sure, and allowed her to feel powerful, where deep down she knew she was weak. My sister was sexually molested three times from ages 10-13. It makes me sad. Women using their sexuality to manipulate men is as old as time. My husband believes very strongly that “Camilla” is an alcoholic as well. A violent one. No doubt she has a personality disorder. Her behavior is not rational.
Ironically, today I feel a little better. I know she is nuts and that my husband was/is sick, and it has nothing to do with me. I feel good that we got out of there without a second verbal encounter. I know she is feeding off of the contact. That is why we are not supposed to have contact with her. I hope it was a coincidence.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very sensible, Kat. I just kept thinking I would wake up from this weird nightmare and my darling, faithful boy would be back. And she would be far, far away. Life as a soap opera is pretty pathetic, and terribly energy sapping!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I just said that this morning… I feel like any day I am going to wake up from this horribly long and detailed nightmare and my life will be “normal” again. I’m sure my husband wishes the same thing. It does feel like a soap opera or a cheezy movie designed to shock and horrify you. 😦 .
LikeLike
Oh my. I know that feeling so well. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know how you kept from exploding. I would likely have pummeled her.
How on earth would she know you were going to Hawaii? Or where or when? I don’t know if you can get any kind of order of protection if she hasn’t done or said anything to actually threaten you. However, it wouldn’t hurt to make a call to local law enforcement to get it on the books. Especially if your husband has had no contact with her and she’d have no way of knowing where you were going, when, etc., without stalking you to get the info.
I wish you much peace and strength through this. Take care of you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, A_Female. The thing that really bothered me, was her skin was so pasty white, like she had not spent even a minute in the sun. She was also wearing really heavy clothing and it was 80+ degrees at the airport. She is scary and I am not an aggressive or confrontational person, so there wouldn’t have been any physical contact from my end. My husband is scared to death that she will do something to get rid of me. I doubt she has the guts. She is a bully, an intimidator. We know she has had me/us followed before because she mentioned my therapist by name in the card she sent in May. I know my husband has not had contact with her, I would stake my life on it. I keep wondering if she has a travel agent friend that can search the airline databases. She has “known” my husband for what is almost 10 years now. He knows her schedule intimately, that is how I was able to see her that one time in the hospital parking lot. I am sure she knows my husband’s general schedule as well, namely that he flies A LOT. When I booked flights for my husband over the five years they traveled together, she was always able to get the seat next to him. I find that hard to believe.
Anyway, my husband is doing really well in his recovery, and as traumatic as these events are, they are a catalyst for open communication. My husband is horrified by his behavior and his inability to manage his addiction, and horrified by this woman. I can feel it all over his body when I talk about her and yesterday it was like he was going to jump out of his skin. He called his therapist and his therapist reminded him he needed to be there and strong for me. That my needs were the most important thing under the circumstances. He did a great job. I have the policewoman’s business card sitting right in front of me on my desk, I might call her and let her know about last night, just so she can make a note of it for the file.
Thanks for the support. ❤
LikeLike
You’re welcome. I used to get mental when I’d see the caliber of women my ex would choose. Blech! Made me feel better in some ways – worse in others. I’m glad your hubby is really experiencing the consequences of his actions. It’s good for him. And it’ll be that much better when you work through it.
I think when you’re ready, make use of that card. Sooner authorities are involved, the better.
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It could have been anything… maybe she knows an employee or maybe she called the workplace in a roundabout way and someone or an answering service said you were all out in Hawaii with your employees. Or maybe she saw a mutual FB friend like or comment on a status in the side newsfeed bar… of one of your employees. Or she followed you guys habitually and ended up at the airport, when you left, and saw where you were headed.
LikeLike
She’s a psychopath. Wow. There to push in doubts. There to make you uncomfortable. There to speak the doubts you feel, just to hurt you more… but she never got the chance. At least there’s that.
Is there a better show of cause for an order of protection? She’d have to show when she arrived and that she planned to return on the same flight. IF the thing you’re doubting (hoping did not happen) was actually true and not the psychopathic actions of the Trunchbull herself, you would not have the same flight home. *I* wouldn’t worry about that re: Husband. Thankfully, she’s selfish enough that it clouds her judgement and so, she went about her deception all wrong. And she’s out that money… without the satisfaction of having said her full piece.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Holy FUCK! That is definitely your worst nightmare, running into the frightful whore. What a way to end your relaxing trip. I’m so sorry Fright Night appeared out of nowhere with her “coincidence” comment. Ugh, what was your husband thinking?? You reacted as well as could be expected under the surreal circumstances, well done. Smashing her in the face would have only got you thrown off the flight ; ) SWxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
My husband was as shocked and horrified as I. We both just hope it was a coincidence, but he is no longer saying he thinks she has moved on. We both saw the look of sheer satisfaction on her face when she got the chance to speak to us and say my name out loud in front of my husband. My husband did have time to call his therapist and the therapist reminded my husband that I was the one that needed comfort. It was his time to show up and be there for me, and he did a great job. He also got me out of the baggage claim area without incident and without her getting to say anything more to me. I am not the aggressive type, so I wouldn’t have instigated any violence, but my husband said he wished my sister would have been there. No one intimidates like my borderline personality disorder sister. Thanks or the support, SW!
LikeLiked by 1 person