Nearly every blogger I follow has used music some how, some way in their blog. Some use song titles as blog titles, some imbed music videos into posts, some post lyrics, etc.. I think I have actually done all of those, but I do not do it regularly, just on a whim. Music is a powerful art form. I find I can enjoy almost all types of music and I use music in different ways… some music soothes me, like soft instrumentals, and some jazz and blues. Hip hop usually gets me up and moving. And, I cannot even count the number of love songs in my music library that never fail to bring a tear to my eye, or sometimes, now, a full on bawl fest. Music that used to just be music to me, maybe something that I liked to sing because it was in my wheelhouse… well, I don’t really have a “wheelhouse,” because I don’t “really” sing, but I like to pretend, now holds a much deeper, personal meaning.

A few years ago I created an exercise playlist on my iPhone. I have fiddled with it over the years, adding and subtracting songs to suit my mood. Mostly I choose songs with a good beat, something that makes me want to keep moving. I have not adjusted it since dday. Last year we were out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean on a cruise ship and I was walking about listening to my exercise playlist when Maroon 5’s One More Night played. I stopped and listened to the song:

Lyrics
You and I go hard at each other like we’re going to war
You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slamming the door
You and I get so damn dysfunctional, we start keeping score
You and I get sick, yeah I know that we can’t do this no more

But baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now I’m feeling stupid, feeling stupid coming back to you

So I cross my heart and I hope to die
That I’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know I said it a million times
But I’ll only stay with you one more night

Try to tell you no but my body keeps on telling you yes
Try to tell you stop but your lipstick got me so out of breath
I’ll be waking up in the morning probably hating myself
And I’ll be waking up feeling satisfied but guilty as hell

But baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you
And I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now I’m feeling stupid, feeling stupid running back to you

So I cross my heart and I hope to die
That I’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know I said it a million times
But I’ll only stay with you one more night

Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night

Immediately images of my husband and his other woman popped into my head. All the fighting and stress in their relationship, not mine and my husband’s, THEIRS! She was violent and constantly blackmailed him, but he went back for more. The draw being his addiction, but he did keep going back, for just one more fuck, over and over! Their relationship was nothing but dysfunctional. His lust was an indication of his sickness, and I’m sure he does feel stupid. I had my husband listen to the song on the cruise ship (he’s not a huge fan of Maroon 5), and he said, “yeah, good song.” I said, “it’s you, and HER.” He furrowed his brows and said, “she didn’t make me love her.” I said, “fuck that love bullshit, you did tell her you loved her and who knows how you define love and what you were really feeling under the influence, so it works.” I’m sure he did not want any song representing his horrifying addiction driven relationship with a mentally ill woman. Well, I actually really like this song, and yeah, it does not paint a pretty picture of his illness or how he behaved, but it works for me!

I kept this song on my playlist and I noticed while it was playing this morning during my elliptical workout (YES, PEOPLE, I AM WORKING OUT!!!!) I worked even harder. I pounded that piece of equipment. I’m keeping it on the list!

Ironically, the next two songs on the playlist are:

Pink’s There You Go:

Oooh, don’t you wish you could turn the hands of time?
Don’t you wish that you still were mine?
Don’t you wish I’d take you back?
Don’t you wish that things were simple like that?
Didn’t miss a good thing til’ it’s gone,
But I knew it wouldn’t be long
Til’ you came running back, missing my love there you go!

Pink’s Just Like a Pill:

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you’re just like a pill
Instead of makin’ me better,
You keep makin’ me ill
You keep makin’ me ill

Ah how I love Pink!

Everything means something different to me these days!