If you are thinking of straying, don’t. Don’t do it. Take the mightier, healthier, bolder, more righteous path. Choose to be honest and faithful and live with integrity no matter what has been done to you. If you feel lonely, or tired, or sad, or broken or useless or used or neglected, stop and think. Who is really responsible for the decisions you make. Who will suffer once you have broken your promises. The answer is: everyone. Everyone will suffer.
Our 26th wedding anniversary is next month. We’re also approaching the 31 year mark of the day we officially began dating. Summer should be all about wonderful feelings and happy memories of love. Of taking a picnic in the park, strolling hand in hand at the ocean, ducking into a movie to escape the sweltering heat. It should be all about promising your undying love and devotion to that one person you don’t want to live without, and meaning it. It was all that and more for us all those years ago and then for every year since, a glorious time spent with our boys traveling the world, building castles and playing baseball in the sand at the coast, sending them off to summer camp, reigniting our passion as a couple at a boutique hotel in San Francisco or sharing lobster tacos under a palapa in Zihuatanejo, Mexico. Blue Eyes is planning a great four day trip to Victoria, BC for this year. We haven’t been to Victoria alone since Sammy was six months old. We’ll take the train and then the ferry over from Seattle. We’ll luxuriate in a gorgeous hotel room, stroll the streets, window shop, have afternoon tea at the Empress, eat delicious food, watch the activity at the harbor, maybe take a boat ride or a bike tour.
I received a text yesterday saying:
We are now booked for a lovely time next month. I love you so much!!!! Looking forward to our anniversary weekend!!!!!
And wouldn’t you know it, that innocent, benign text was a trigger. If my husband had been true and honest, that text would have brought a sweet smile to my face. Instead, I stared at it for the longest time trying to push away the painful thoughts of how it must have been two years ago. I’ve written too many times about two years ago. It was the summer that ended the sexual relationship between Blue Eyes and his last acting out partner. It also included thousands of texts and hours of phone calls before and after our 24th wedding anniversary. Damn if those phone records didn’t blast the almighty fucking truth all over my happy little life, soiling the very fabric of my marriage, ripping at that undying love, magnifying the memories of trials and tribulations, straining the feelings of joy and elation, upending the comfortable settling in to a deep feeling of contentment that I had so looked forward to and had finally achieved. Everything felt broken. Everything was broken, but especially my faith and trust in my husband. I want to be able to block out all the painful memories of finding out how obsessively Blue Eyes pursued his drug, ingested his drug, and then threw away the source of his drug like a piece of garbage and in the process, propelled her on a mission to destroy me and my world. What really really hurts though, is all the lying and manipulation that went into his secret life of cheating. The calling card of all cheaters is covered in lies and deceit. What somehow feels right at the time, romantic, sexy, intoxicating, wreaks havoc on the cheater, the other person, the betrayed spouse, the innocent children, and the pain of the lies and betrayal have a ripple effect that leave everyone scarred. Cheating is the answer for absolutely nothing.
I know a lot of the people that follow my blog are betrayed spouses and in most cases I am preaching to the choir, but I just have to say it here once, on my blog, most everyone writes or talks about it eventually, cheaters and betrayed alike… JUST DON’T DO IT.
It’s not worth it.