Let the count down begin…

/ CrazyKat1963

Well, I know I am a little premature with this count down, but that is how insanely excited I am for the upcoming trip we will embark upon next month. And maybe I am just a teeny bit stir crazy at this point since I have not really been out of the house for a week now (and two weeks before that due to illness… hair color from my stylist is THAT important people, my only trip in a car in three weeks). We did take a 2-mile walk to Starbucks with the dogs on Saturday, but that is about it for me. Every time I am out in the cold for more than a few minutes, my cough returns. We still have a foot of snow and I guess the big meltdown starts tomorrow, I hope. We all know there will be flooding with the upcoming warm rain event in the forecast, but the snow has to go away some time!

I am trying to combat my normal travel anxiety (what will I pack–how many climate changes will there be, can I fit everything in one suitcase, what to do with the pets, will we be able to communicate regularly with our sales guys, can I even remember how to use my expensive Nikon camera, will our 23 year old destroy our house, etc… ). We have never been away from home for this long. We will fly to Auckland, New Zealand on February 25 (25/2/17 is how I am told to write it 🙂 ) and return from Sydney, Australia on April 2 (2/4/17). That is a LONG time away from home. Blue Eyes is totally freaked out about being away from our office for that long. Truthfully, when I booked this trip over a year ago, I had no idea we would still be in the throes of finalizing completion and financing of the beach house. That was all scheduled to be complete by September LAST YEAR. I thought our finances would be all squared away and we would have spent the better part of the fall and winter visiting the beach house regularly. Blue Eyes and I have agreed that now that we have a second home (almost), we will take one vacation per year. We still travel for business, of course, but dedicated leisure travel, one trip. And then here we are, with two trips already planned for 2017. First, this monstrously long trip Down Under, and then a vacation to Hawaii later in the year. Our Timeshare and lots of miles allow that vacation to be really budget friendly, but now that there is a Four Seasons just a hop skip and a jump from our timeshare, well, at least a few days will be spent there as well. Some people call me spoiled, but I EARNED these trips by working my ass off for nearly 40 years and also, well, I think everyone here knows the rest, so I shall not feel bad about it.

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From that to this in 40 days! YIPPEE!

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Approximately 2/3 of our time will be spent in New Zealand, visiting friends and then 16 nights on a small-ish cruise ship circling the country before heading over to Tasmania and then ending in Sydney. The majority of our time in Australia will be spent in the Ayers Rock area of Uluru and at an eco-retreat and beach nature reserve near the Great Barrier Reef. We welcome all suggestions to those who live Down Under or who have visited and want to share. Not sure when we will return to this area of the world, so we are all in on this one.

In the meantime, I am back to focusing on my healthy “new” lifestyle. My goal through the end of the year was to maintain health, and the weight I had lost, of course. Well… that didn’t work out so well since I was sick quite a bit of that time, craving comfort food, and unable to exercise. Here I am, back at it. I gained 4 lbs. since October 15, and still feel sluggish from being down and out for so many weeks. My blood glucose levels are creeping back up, but the great thing is, I know how to fix all this. I know what works for me. Here I go…. 40 days and counting.

 

 

35 thoughts on “Let the count down begin…”

  1. Sounds like an AMAZING trip!! We are headed to Israel next month, only two weeks, and something I’ve always wanted to do…42 days?!!! Oh the things you will see…

    So glad to hear how #3 was for you. Our’s is coming up in April. It is nothing less than surreal…
    xo and Hugs!

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        • I actually started packing yesterday. That will help with the anxiety as it gets closer. And… I am certainly not currently wearing any of the clothes up here in the cold and windy Pacific Northwest that I will be wearing down under, so no worries there. 😉 I would like to say we are escaping the political climate here in the U.S., but I dare say it has permeated the world!! Have fun. I hope Israel is an inspirational trip for you both! xo

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  3. I can’t leave well enough alone. I’m writing.
    Look at you! No, look at y’all! You have made a worldwide tribe of strong women. When you wrote that Paula is meeting you and driving it so reminded me of that children’s song, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine……”. Have a great time!

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  4. Kat somehow I unfollowed your blog – so much reading to catch up on!! Damn my big thumbs…… I would be super anxious about being away so long too, but how amazing!X

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    • I’ve done that many times! Big thumbs unite! As plans solidify, I’m less and less anxious! Thankfully Paula’s picking us up at the airport in Auckland… not equipped to drive on the other side! 😳

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  6. Hi Kat-

    I read the blog about your vacation and sounds amazing!!!! Hope you fully enjoy yourself. What a fabulous experience.

    I wanted to write u bc I keep
    Having bouts of panic. They don’t last terribly long- I am good at talking myself out of misery o guess. But, I wondered if, in the beginning u were so obsessed with BE’s thoughts? I find myself worrying about his mind and if he feels weak and how is he going to deal with stress at work and on & on….
    He assures me- when I dare ask- that he feels so much better and relieved it is out that he. NEver wants to go back. Will I ever trust him? Heis a good guy/ he wants to be a very good man. I know that but I have so much doubt that he can make his mind right. What is your experience? Do they still think of their acting our days and wish they could do it? He assures me no. He said he feels like a dog let out of a kennel and he never wants to look back for fear they will put him back In. He thinks this is why he will be successful bc he knew he was miserable. He wanted an out…. I want to trust this and feel safe and secure again but it is so fleeting 4 me. I feel best when we are together and alone and tucked into the house I front of a fire and nothing can get us. When I read the blog about agoraphobia I thought of my new life. Any advice?

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    • Hi Wow, I hope you received my email a while back. To answer your question here, yes. I was completely obsessed with what my husband was doing and thinking. I honestly believed that there was no way he could do what he did for decades and then just stop. I read and talked with him and therapists about how sex addicts function and it didn’t make sense that he could just stop… just stop thinking about it and acting on it. I wrote about it quite a bit. I was not angry back then, I was sad and defeated and scared. I received lots of comments over time suggesting I back off of worrying about what BE was doing and just focus on myself. Honestly, it pissed me off. I didn’t feel safe. I felt like I was walking into a trap. That if I wasn’t diligent watching over him, he would regress, that he would act out, etc… Although BE has remained “sober” for three years now, I am no longer scared of him relapsing. It would be sad for him, but the drug is not the issue. The issue is with him taking responsibility for himself. None of the sex he had or the women he conversed with were real. They were a drug to him. I’m not just deflecting or rationalizing, it is just the way this addiction works. Also, in the early days, when he was physically away from me I had anxiety and agoraphobia (that had a lot to do with the stalking). So the deal is, what I learned after a lot of time living in trauma, was that no matter how much I obsessed over him, no matter how afraid I was, no matter what I did, he was going to do what he was going to do and I needed to learn to live, survive, thrive, no matter what he did. I had to take my focus off him and put it on me. I had never done that before. I was literally trained to care about others and take care of others. I thought it made me a whole person, but in fact, it robbed me of myself. I had to believe in my heart that I would be fine regardless of what he did. Getting to the point where I could do that took months and months and months.

      And eventually I also started believing that my husband did not want to be that person anymore. That he lived in shame, disgust, and fear for years. I learned that when their secrets are exposed and they stop rationalizing, stop deflecting their broken bits and their anger and start focusing on their own healing, they can re-train their brains away from the drug. It’s not easy. There was a lot of displaced anger and resentment at first with BE, but he learned to take responsibility for himself. No excuses. Like the rest of us, sometimes he falls into the trap of believing it is okay for him to hide his feelings, but then he realizes that is where the pain and shame and addiction lies, so he has resources to go to now. I am not his savior and I never will be anyone’s savior. And this is the big one… his addiction, his behavior, his life–it’s not about me. He hid all those addicted parts of him away from me because he didn’t want me poisoned by them. Unfortunately, at some point, their secret is revealed and it makes a big mess in its wake and we suffer. The trauma affects everyone uniquely, but we start healing when we realize we can stand alone. We are that strong… that if we need to, we can thrive without them. For me this opened the door to me really understanding my life partner and wanting more than ever to be with him. My advice, if you can, find a good therapist that will work solely on you. Don’t focus on the addict or the addiction, let your partner do that. You focus on you. Small baby steps at first. Feel the trauma but try not to be enveloped by it. I was enveloped for months and eventually I knew I wanted to be free. When I was away for six weeks last year, I felt free. The time away solidified the reality for me that I could do it. I could leave and be fine if I wanted that. During that time I realized I really did want to be with BE for the long run even though I know it would technically be easier if I walked away. That’s my truth. I have to work for what I want, but I do know what I want. Be kind to yourself. This is just the beginning, of something new, something real. xoxo

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      • I can not thank you enough. You saved my weekend eve! I don’t know if I could have come this far without this blog. I’m not sure why all of us are here in this situation but I don’t feel quite so lonely today…
        very very sincerely- much ❤️❤️❤️

        I didn’t see the email . Will check spam. Tx!

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  7. Wow this is so exciting!!! It’s going to be an awesome adventure, a trip of a life time. I am sure Paula is dying 😜 I know you guys are going to get on just as well as we did. I wish I could be a part of it but … work 😖. I can’t wait to hear all about it.
    Take care of yourself and get well soon.
    ❤️❤️❤️

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          • Ha! I am going to Sydney (with a day trip to Hunter Valley), Melbourne (with day trips to Hanging Rock and Yarra Valley), and Brisbane (with a day trip to Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary).

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            • Fun! I know nothing about Australia, but so far our trip includes Sydney with a day trip to Blue Mountains National Park/Featherdale Wildlife Park (we don’t drink, so no wine tours), A Bungalow at a Nature Reserve near the Great Barrier Reef with day trips to the reef and Daintree Cape, and then Melbourne with day trips to see more animals, of course. It’s a big country, lots to see.

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              • Look at viator.com to get activity/tour ideas, I used them for a few. There is supposed to be a great zoo in Sydney. The Hunter Valley trip includes an animal preserve. I am only going for 2 weeks, a long trip for a relatively brief stay.

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  9. This sounds like a wonderful trip. How exciting for you. I would be under my bed with a major anxiety attack at the mere thought of being gone from home that long. My mother suffered from agoraphobia after she went through menopause. I think I have inherited a bit of that gene. I can go for only short trips except when we go to Europe and I like to go for 2 weeks when we go and gee do I have to gear up!! I leave no stone upturned and even then I am a mess!! Otherwise my preferred travel is long weekends. I am planning a trip next December for Europe on a river cruise and then a few days in Paris. I am NOT doing Christmas here this year. I wanted to be gone this last Christmas, but my h said no as we were too busy at work. UGH I was right, we should have left! Way too much drama.

    I hope you are feeling better and that you have a wonderful trip. Yes you are spoiled and I couldn’t be happier for you 🙂 so enjoy.

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    • Woke up with a sinus infection, but I plan to be in tip top shape by the time we embark. I totally get the agoraphobia and anxiety. I have struggled a lot with both since dday. This was the first year since that I entertained over the holidays and I have been sick since. I have tried to simplify my life a lot since coming to terms with my reality, but it is still a struggle to socialize. I’m actually a little better when we are away from home, but leaving and returning are difficult transitions. I have wanted to take this trip for many years though, so I will figure out a way. Your upcoming trips sound wonderful. Cheers to 2017!

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