Here we go…

/ CrazyKat1963

Just when I started acclimating to the idea that we will be paying hundreds of thousands of dollars of money to a lying building contractor and his bully of an attorney, Blue Eyes has decided to “reconcile” with his parents. WHAT??? He has been talking about sending them a letter for a while. I’ve written about it, here, somewhere. What haven’t I written about? I thought maybe he would write the letter, then not send it. Or maybe I secretly thought he would never finish writing it. Nope. He finished it, AND he sent it!!!

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This is how I feel now. Sad. Very Sad. photo credit: arwan sutanto

I have written so many posts about my in-laws and the damage they have done to my husband and our family. I have written about how nice it is to have them out of our lives. I have written about being worried he would contact them, which he has talked about doing for the past couple years. The letter is really an email. An email he sent to his Dad a few days ago. I feel betrayed. Any contact he has with his family will inevitably affect me. I have always said it was his choice, his family, but I honestly thought he wouldn’t reconnect because he knows how destructive they are to him, to me, to EVERYONE!

At first I thought he was possibly reconnecting with his Dad to ask him for money. But I know that is not the case because Blue Eyes’ parents are the meanest, stingiest people I have ever met, and he has ALWAYS said he never wanted their money. Their money is poison. And, even if he doesn’t believe that anymore, he knows, in the best of times they don’t loan money, and these are not the best of times.

I think the impetus for him reaching out now, is his Dad is turning 85 next month. Although his Dad is relatively healthy for his age, that is a big number. Blue Eyes doesn’t want his father to die before reconciling with him. He thinks he will have regrets. That may well have been the case, but I actually think he will have more regrets contacting him and re-initiating the relationship. Blue Eyes’ childhood wounds, his relationship with both his parents, and their inability to be nurturing or love him unconditionally, have been the reasons he became a sex addict in the first place. Not to blame his parents for Blue Eyes’ actual addictive acts, but they are the catalyst for him feeling like he needed a drug to survive his life, and that drug became a bad bad habit. His not being able to deal with their abuse and neglect are also the reason he suffered from Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis and Colitis for two decades. And then later in life, panic attacks. Sigh.

Going back in time to just after discovery day (for me), Blue Eyes was on the outs with his Mom. The relationships with Blue Eyes’ family have been the most volatile and hateful relationships I have ever witnessed (and been involved in, just call me “scapegoat”). Blue Eyes’ mother is a full blown narcissist and his sister isn’t much better. His Dad enables the mom and he seems to have very little human emotion. Anyway, Blue Eyes’ had attended his 30th high school class reunion a couple months prior and was unable to meet up with his parents on that trip. Blue Eyes’ mother literally desires to control everyone and everything in her life. She wanted to meet with her son on her terms. Unfortunately, he had a football game and dinner to go to when she wanted to meet. Remember, at this point, this is a 50 year old man and his 73 year old mother we’re talking about. He called his parents when he arrived Los Angeles. They didn’t answer their phones, so he headed out to meet up with his high school friends. His mother held a grudge, even though Blue Eyes tried to meet with them. Her schedule was simply far more important than his and when he didn’t bow to her orders, she grew horns and spit fire.

Blue Eyes called his mom the following week, and she hung up on him. A little over a month later, our world fell apart. This was also all happening while my step father was finding out his prostate cancer was in his spine. Blue Eyes’ parents know nothing about Blue Eyes’ secret life. After his mother hung up on him, she used one of her “tactics” and that was calling her daughter to check up on us and our family. Then the sister would call us, quiz us about our life (or she would pull stuff off Facebook if she didn’t feel like calling us). I tested the Facebook theory by putting out some false info and then not writing on there for a while. It worked. Everything came to a head when we were in Hawaii in 2014 scouting a location for a corporate retreat and Blue Eyes’ sister called us (I wasn’t putting anything on FB at this point), and said that the parents were harassing her and constantly trying to get info out of her about us, but of course she had no info because her source had been cut off. She was pissed. Blue Eyes sent a simple email to his parents asking them to please contact him if they wanted to know about our family as it was stressing the sister out by being in the middle.

Here is the response email sent from Blue Eyes’ father in February, 2014 while we were in Hawaii. This is the last correspondence between the two of them (until recently):

“Why would you tell your sister not to communicate with us about you or your family? Why would you put such limitations on communications with us? Are you hiding something? Why haven’t you been communicating with us for the past several years? Are you under orders that impose such communication limitations? There can be no relationship with us under such circumstances. We can accept this since the relationship with you and your family has been totally flawed during the past several years. We will not delineate such past behavior as you certainly should be able to recognize such disregard, dishonesty, lack of respect and kindness, irresponsibility and indifference to our past dedication and bonds. If the absence of a relationship is what you want we will act accordingly. Since we believe we have fulfilled our parental obligations and we know of no way for us to change your last name or your behavior, we may only do what we can do to conclude the relationship.”

So this whole email situation was instigated by the sister because she was tired of being a go-between. Nobody told the sister not to communicate. The sister is an obnoxious spoiled brat who lies to get her own way and only cares about mummy and daddy’s money.

The comment about Blue Eyes’ hiding something is so ironic, right? “Yeah, Daddy, I was hiding this HUGE four decade secret sex life from the world and then my disgusting, desperate hidden secret was blown to smithereens by my hideous free whore a couple weeks ago and the debris crashed down on everyone around me, especially the people who had never hurt me.”

Also, not communicating with them for “several years”??? His mother had hung up on him a few weeks before, twice! My in laws live is some alternate universe where they can say and do whatever they want and no one questions them. They are so full of shit.

The “under orders” comment is a big dig at me. They are insinuating that I am keeping my husband from speaking to them. HA! IF ONLY I HAD THAT POWER!!!!!!! I am literally always the scapegoat for these people. It is much easier to blame the outsider that they have never liked or accepted as part of their “family.” I think I could write a whole Season of American Horror Story about this family!

They won’t delineate the past behavior in their email because the only horrible behavior was from them, to us. The kind of tactics used in the above email always work for them. Hacking people off at the knees is their modus operandi. Make people feel as shitty as possible, then throw them a little bone and they’ll come running for that little “gift.” Man, I dislike these people very very much. Not sure who ever defined “parental obligations” as abuse, neglect, disregard, disrespect, belittling, never giving compliments, demanding to be treated with respect when they NEVER give respect to anyone but their rich friends. UGH!!!! I think they made it pretty clear in that email that they don’t like how their son was acting, so they are concluding the relationship. My husband has never tried to do anything but be a good, loving son to these people. This past nearly six year break from them has been BLISS!

So, here we go. We are scheduled to have dinner with these people in two weeks. The email Blue Eyes sent to his father was met with gracious kindness. I’m sure Blue Eyes’ Dad doesn’t even remember the above email correspondence. He even signed his emails with Love, Dad. Really? Either they have grown too old to remember who they used to be, or this is a TRAP!!!!

44 thoughts on “Here we go…”

  1. It means THE WORLD when someone we love reaches out and contacts us when we are going through a significant challenge.

    I feel badly that I haven’t checked “blog-land” until now and I found this. My warm thoughts are with you.

    HUGS

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    • Thank you, beleeme! I don’t expect you to read my blog every day! ❤️ You have your own life and health to think about. I do think of you all as my good friends though. I do appreciate all the kind thoughts and advice. I take it seriously! xoxo

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    • Yes, A, we are in this together. I don’t think he ever contemplated seeing them by himself. Also, the two of us doing this together reiterates that we are a strong couple, still very strong together. Happy Thanksgiving!!! ❤

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  3. Apologies if this becomes a duplicate, comments are acting strange lately.

    Have you read “The Deepest Well”, or read or heard anything about the affect of Adverse Childhood Experiences on people? I just listened to a series of three awesome podcasts on the topic, all titled “What Happened to You?”. They are from an amazing podcast called “Terrible, Thanks for Asking”, which is about what it really means to be human.

    I think you would enjoy them.

    xo

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  4. Wait “we” are goi g? I understand why BE wants to go. As odious as they are, they are his parents. Ever hear about the barbed monkey study where baby monikers bonded with barbed monkeys because there was nothing else? Well BE bonded with a barbed monkey. I get that. But you have no excuse. There is no reason for you to go. This isn’t your life experience to reconcile. It’s his. I get your frustration. I had awful in-laws who were awful to their son and daughter even to the bitter end. But i extricated myself from being with them bar the holidays. I’m telling you it was fucking liberating. I simply said “no., I’m not going. You can go but i prefer not to”. Worked out great. He did what he had to and i did too. They weren’t my parents. I gained nothing when i would attend those visits and only made myself sick. I say don’t go. This is BE life experience, not yours. He’s got a lot to sort out. You don’t. I say have a spa weekend ❤️ You’ll be much better for it 😊.

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    • I completely agree with this. Compartmentalize them out, Kat. Nothing positive for you can come out of your being there. But potentially a lot of negative.
      Narcissists are narcissists to the grave.

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      • I know his mother will always be a narcissist. I’m hoping at this point that whatever bullshit comes out of her mouth, BE is able to but it where it belongs, in the trash. He wants a relationship with his father, and this is what it is going to take. If it is too toxic, I will walk away. xo

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    • I’ll think about it, tryinghard. This is going down while we are on a business trip to Los Angeles. I could absolutely not go to dinner, but I think the better tactic for me is to go and not let it bother me. I want to stand side by side with my husband, happy times and not so happy. It’s what I have always done, what we are now doing together. He definitely got the better draw on the parent thing… but that is also part and parcel to all his “bad” being rolled into one package with his parents being at the core. I feel like if continuing a relationship with his parents is going to be a negative experience for him, he will know that after this dinner. It’s just dinner. I realize they are his parents, but in the scheme of things, he got dealt a really bad hand in life. I don’t want him to have to go through this alone. Also, one of our sons still has a very active relationship with his grandparents. Our younger son does not. If this is going to be a “family” situation moving forward, I want to be involved. I want us to approach this as a family. I have been dealing with this family for 35 years. I put up with their BS for 30 straight years and I survived. I’ll be okay. I know their tactics aren’t nice or even okay. When I was still traumatized, seeing them wouldn’t even have been an option. This is an opportunity for my husband to have a healthier relationship with his parents than ever before as he has boundaries now. Boundaries I hope he doesn’t have to heavily rely on. As you say, he’s got a lot to sort out and I don’t. Therefore, I can handle a dinner. Witnessing it myself will help us better proceed as a couple and as a family. BE also reached out to the dreaded sister. She was a bitch, but then backed off and tried to be nice. BE has decided he won’t be seeing her this trip. I think that is a real positive on his part. He set a boundary and kept it. I may not like this situation, but I can handle it. I think I will definitely have that spa weekend though… after the dinner. ❤

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  5. On Thanksgiving, I have to be in the same house as the mother with whom I have not spoken in about 23 years. We have been in the same place a few times over the past several years (usually some occasion for my nieces and nephews) and we don’t even make eye contact. She once asked my brother who I was, LOL. If she ever approached me, even though my SIL and brother claim she is feebed out now at 82, I would physically shove her away. I have no interest in having anything to do with her. She has never once apologized to me or even said she regrets her part in our lifelong problems that led to the final break. Fuck her.
    BE probably still wants their approval, like my brother does, even if it is not his conscious motivation. He’ll never get it.

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    • Hey B. I’m really hoping BE is not seeking approval. It’s just not a thing with his parents (like you say he’ll never get it) and I believe he knows this at this point. I wish he didn’t care so much what others think, but since he grew up with no healthy nurturing component, and for many other reasons, he actually never learned to love himself. He still internalizes every little thing that is said and done, by others, even if it is only remotely connected to him. It’s incredible how strong childhood wounds are. Years and years of adult therapy cannot always combat what is so deeply ingrained. I do believe he just wants to let his Dad know that he loves him unconditionally (even if he didn’t receive that as a child, or an adult, from his father). To my knowledge neither of his parents are anywhere near death, or even sick, but we never know and the older we get, the odds are against us. The return emails from his father were very kind and loving… who knows, maybe we won’t be tortured… but I’m not counting on it being pleasant.

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  6. Did you ask BE what he hoped to achieve? You share theories but never say if you asked. This may just be one of those things he needs to do and while you don’t have to like or understand his decision, your support would go a long way. He’s being the bigger person stepping up first. That says something.
    It may all blow up in his face, but it’s better that it does on his terms than it never happening at all and him having regret. He’s reaching out for a reason and needs to be allowed to pursue whatever it is he’s looking for. It’s frustrating, but you may just have to watch from the sidelines while this plays out.
    Realistically, it should just be him and his dad the first time. Sounds like that would be the first step toward either fences being mended or forever destroyed.

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    • Hey Joshua. We talked about it a couple days ago after he sent the email, and then I just asked him again after reading your comment. He is afraid of the regret he will feel if his father dies and he has not reached out. I support my husband no matter what, always have. As a matter of fact, I have always supported him unconditionally with his family, in job situations, whenever he was struggling or needed me, I have been there. That is one of the reasons the betrayal hurt so badly. I didn’t deserve it. But then again, no one does. You know that. It is such a blow to find out the person you devoted your life to has been lying to you. It feels like you weren’t good enough to deserve the truth, not to mention fidelity, but that’s another story.

      He’s looking for that connection with his father. Unfortunately, his father won’t meet with him alone. That would bring a sort of wrath from the mother that the father won’t endure. Over the years my husband has asked him to keep things in confidence and he said he would but then he turned right around and told the mother who blabbed it across town, or whatever. And, there is no watching from the sidelines. When things go sideways, he pays a price, but everything is blamed on me and I mean EVERYTHING. I’m not making this up or being sensitive. It just is the way it is. His mother is certifiable, and his dad is an enabler. The dinner is set. We’ll both be there. If anything, they would be happy if I didn’t show. I hope my husband has made enough progress in the past six years to have a relationship with them that doesn’t include him feeling like shit and resorting to negative behaviors. We shall see.

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        • Yes, we’ll go over the boundaries. Our younger son suggested we get up and walk out if things don’t go well. I’m hoping they’ve mellowed with age, but that doesn’t often happen. Being with them can feel like you are under interrogation. BE doesn’t respond well as it brings up such negative memories of childhood. He has actually been violently ill on our way to see them in the past. I’m really hoping since he reached out that he can put it all into perspective. He does have a lot of 12 step and therapy under his belt. Also, I think he should have some of his 12 step buddies on stand by to phone or text. They really are great guys and care about him. He’s still shocked he has made such good friends, but I know it is because they REALLY understand him and he went for 40 years not believing anyone would ever understand. Recovery is truly remarkable. I’m hoping he will be able to use his tools and handle this, but boundaries and resources will be definitely be on hand. Thanks!!!

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    • Hey Joshua, I realized this morning as my husband was talking about the neighbors, that mortality weighs heavily on his mind these days. The neighbor across the street is dying of sarcoma. He had his left arm amputated a couple years back (his dominant arm), as they were unable to get rid of the skin cancer on that arm that had plagued him for years. The cancer is now in his lungs. He has his last round of chemo tomorrow and now needs to decide whether he will pursue further treatment. He is also contemplating having part of his lung removed. He is an otherwise VERY healthy 60-something. Our neighbor down at the end of the block, sweetest man ever, maybe early 70’s is dying of esophageal cancer. Never smoked a day in his life. He may not make it to Christmas. Another neighbor has a similar prostate cancer situation as my step father. The medications are keeping them alive. All these men are otherwise healthy if not for the cancer. They are all dying, some faster than others, but their sentence has been set. I think the culmination of what these men, close in proximity to BE, are going through has reminded him that life is indeed short. He loves his father and doesn’t want to let him go without letting him know that. I get it. It’s the mother I have real issues with, but as I have written, I’m hoping she has mellowed and her tactics just won’t have the same punch they used to.

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      • When I was going through a really bad bout of anxiety last Feb-March, I had this massive fear of not my mortality, but my parents’, for the first time ever. My dad and his brothers are in an estate trust law suit with relatives of his dead stepmother with a lot of money and property at stake. Something about him potentially losing the now year-old dispute really bugs me. Maybe you losing arbitration caused some kind of reaction in BE. I don’t know exactly why, but I started to freak out about my parents dying, so I made them show me where they kept all their important papers and tell me what the process was when their parents died and they took care of things. I’m not nearly as freaked out about it as I was back then, but it’s still weighs on me. For the first time, in their early 70s, my parents seem old. I imagine in another 10-15 years, if they get that far, they’ll seem really old. I couldn’t imagine having these kinds of feelings and being estranged. I’d probably have to patch things up also, if only as a selfish move, if I was in BE’s position.

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        • Anxiety can come from so many places. Glad you are doing better. BE’s reasons for wanting to see his Dad probably don’t have much to do with financial/estate matters at this point. His Dad was an attorney for 60 years and many of his friends are attorneys. He’s probably got all that worked out, plus, I’m sure BE assumes he’s been written out of the will or anything to do with the estate (and which he asked for), quite some time ago, and he won’t fight to be brought back in. If, when the time comes, he is involved, he’ll deal with it then. Fighting over dead people’s possessions is such a nasty affair. I don’t wish it on anyone. When BE’s brother committed suicide in 2010, he left behind a mess of money, property, assets, etc. The ironic thing about it was before he took his own life, he hand wrote a 14-page will (at the time he was a 42 year old attorney with money, possessions, his 4th wife–a mail order bride+++) and then had it signed and notarized at a Kinko’s in the middle of the night. He left his sister and brother in law in charge of the estate, namely the estate of his 15 month old son. Ha. They were the absolutely least equipped in the family to handle it. It’s a family of attorneys and he left his school teacher sister, who he had been estranged from a chunk of his life, in charge of everything. I told BE it was his last FU to the family. And that it was. BE was only named in the will as his brother had stolen BE’s childhood baseball card collection when BE left for college. BE tried to get it back for two decades so he could share it with our boys. BE’s brother refused to even let him see it. Crazy. So he leaves BE’s own baseball card collection to him in his will. We were just glad he didn’t leave BE as the executor. The Chinese mail order bride of 3 years, mother of his 15 month old, fought her son’s own estate for every last penny. And she did get about 75% of it through the courts… but once again, who really wins? The attorneys. What a mess. I do believe BE just wants to see his Dad, make sure he’s okay, and have whatever relationship he can have with him. It might not be very easy, so we’ll see what boundaries he creates once he’s laid the groundwork next month.

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          • I actually meant that your financial issues with the arbitration may have triggered something in him. Taking a hit like that can make you feel very vulnerable. The story with the brother makes it sound like a family where winning an argument, not doing the right thing, was most valued. Maybe that happens in a family of lawyers.

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            • That very well could be, that the arbitration judgment contributed. BE is pretty off right now and somehow maybe he thinks his Dad will be a centering element. Don’t know. Doesn’t make sense to me, but a lot of the stuff my husband did/does doesn’t make sense. I’m not sure that happens in all families of lawyers, probably not, but it certainly happened/happens all the time with this family. It’s a vicious competitive situation where all the kids fight/fought for the attention of the parents. The parents created that scenario. They tried to do it with my boys too and I wouldn’t allow it. I just shut it down, because I never wanted my boys to compete with each other for anything, much less the attention of a narcissistic grandma. This is actually a sad situation with both my narcissistic mother in law and my borderline sister. They chose their favorite and it was never ever fair. EVER. Both my boys still feel the affects all these years later. In theory, we just cut toxic people out of our life… in reality, it’s not so easy.

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              • I had a long talk a couple days ago with my mother since I’ve learned about imposter syndrome. I admitted that after some deep thought, I think most of it comes from her mother who always told me as a kid that I was never sick and I was faking to stay home from school. To this day, I can be vomiting my guts out and running a 104 fever and I still wonder if I’m REALLY sick. Much to my surprise, my mother said she feels the same way and knows it was her mothers fault and she tried to not expose me to it, but there just wasn’t anybody else who could take care of me when I was sick and they had to go to work. I know Nana loved me, and she likely had her own buffet of mental health issues that went undiagnosed, but it was nice to hear my mother say she felt the same way and identified the same root of the problem. Don’t worry too much about the boys. Yeah, they may have not hit the DNA jackpot with their extended families, but if you raised them the right way, they’ll know it and also be able to see who were maladaptive in the family tree.

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                • You are absolutely correct, Joshua. Stuff is handed down, and also my boys are generally fine. My 26 year old, the younger, has anxiety issues, and it breaks my heart, but this stuff runs deep. We do the best we can.

                  What I don’t do is keep secrets. I exposed my kids to everything and everyone and discussed with them mental illness (had to because of my sister), addiction (my uncle who showed up plastered at family functions) and kids are smart. I also showed them and told them over and over that adults make mistakes, all the time. That they shouldn’t give anyone power over them when they knew it wasn’t right. That there was always someone safe to share things with and they would know in their heart who those people were. This was harder on my younger son as both my MIL and my sister favored his older brother. Blatantly favored him.

                  The Golden Rule was also HUGE with me, both in family situations and especially at school. I raised them pretty solely, so they got me, for good or bad. BE was gone, A LOT, even to the point of having apartments in Silicon Valley during the boom. We were all SHOCKED by his secret life. We just frankly did not think he had it in him, to be so cruel as to lie to all of us and cheat us of his time, etc… Of course that was the knee jerk reaction because we know he was an addict from adolescence, and in his mind he wasn’t doing it “to us.” But it takes a while for the shock to wear off.

                  My mother also had the issue with not believing us (any of us) when we needed to stay home sick. It’s so strange because my Grandma babied us when we were sick, loved to take care of us. But then, my Mom acted liked my Grandma to her Grandkids, but not to her own kids, so I don’t know how her mom was with her. When I had appendicitis at 14, she flat out didn’t believe me, that I was in terrible pain, or that was my take on it. I went into my parents room in the middle of the night crying and telling them I was in excruciating pain. They told me to go back to bed. The next morning my mom said, “so you ready to get yourself to school.” I had barely ever missed school, was a straight A student. I was in so much pain I couldn’t even respond to her. My mom is actually a very loving and nurturing person (especially to her Grandkids, oh boy). I think the issue was she HAD to go to work. I was 14. Then when she arrived at work and told her coworkers about my symptoms, they told her to get me to the doc right away. I had my appendix out that afternoon.

                  I’m not sure what my kids would say about me? Sometimes what they have to say makes me laugh, their childhood perspective of things that happened is often so different from mine. I’ll have to look up imposter syndrome. Thanks!

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                  • I wonder the same about my own kids. I think I’ve done a lot the last few years to make amends for the hell I’ve put them through, and because they’re nice people, they’d probably say it wasn’t that bad.

                    I can’t keep secrets anymore either. It’s not healthy for me mentally and physically and it’s just too taxing on my mind to try to remember things. I don’t need the anxiety.

                    And since I’m a click whore and you must have missed it, here’s my entry on imposter syndrome from about two months ago when I just learned about it. https://recoveringpornaddict.com/2019/09/23/discovering-the-concept-of-imposter-syndrome/

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                    • Ha, I’m not sure when I started following you, but I get WAY behind on reading and then I go and read through a whole blog. Time is short these days. I’ll go read it! I think for sensible people, and my kids are sensible, they eventually get to the point where they realize everyone is fallible and as long we’re trying to be better and do better, they accept us for who we are.

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    • Oh, she is. But my son insinuated she’s just not the same anymore. She’s lost her fight, he said. I hope he’s right. She’s 79, but has always been the epitome of narcissism. I’m not sure how long a person can keep that charade up… you know picturing yourself as the prettiest lady in the room. They do have very selective memories. Maybe they will be nice. The last time we saw them in person, summer 2013, BE went to hug his parents good-bye, and they pulled away and walked away from him without a word. 😦

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  8. I know your in-laws are poison, but if BE’s father died tomorrow and he hadn’t reconciled, he would be a wreck. Which would likely mean your life would end up a wreck!
    Have dinner. It will suck no end, but it’s just dinner. You’re not moving in with them. 😂

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  9. Oh my. Wishing you the best as you both navigate this challenge.

    I have absolutely NO USE for my husband’s siblings. His parents have passed.
    His sisters and brothers NEVER came (not far) when he tried to end his life and was in a psych unit. REALLY? Fucking REALLY? Of course they wanted information and I was exhausted dealing with his confession and then his near-lethal attempt.

    They have never asked him ONCE since it all happened 3.5 years ago – – – how are you doing? Are you feeling better? NOTHING.

    Pretend it never happened.

    Hugs and strength to you as you go through this challenging situation.

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    • Thank you, beleeme. It won’t be fun, but I will get through it. I put up with these people for 30 years. I’ve known them for 35. I’m really hoping that Blue Eyes has the strength he will need to deal with any negative energy they might spread. I will be fine. I’m hoping they are going to be nice, but who knows. Our older son just saw them at a family wedding (that we weren’t invited to) a couple months ago. He said they are old and don’t have the same fight they used to. Oh, how I hope he is right. He never had to see what they were really capable of, thank goodness. It’s just dinner, but the door is now open. His mother used to call him obsessively, sometimes multiple times a day if she was on a rampage. I guess he can always block her number, again, if he needs too. xoxo

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        • We’ll do the best we can. I do know that BE won’t put up with continued abuse from them, so I hope they behave so he gets what he wants for a change. You wouldn’t think having a relationship with your child would be that difficult, but they’re crazy! Thanks for the paws crossed! xo

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          • It’s very difficult for me to have a relationship with my mother – I have to maintain strong boundaries with her. She has dementia (not advanced), and that makes it more challenging now. We moved “back home” to be closer to my aging parents, b/c we both thought it was the ‘right’ thing to do. I’m glad we were “back home” when Dad passed in 2018. He loved me. I have his heart and many of his qualities.

            I can truly empathize with people who believe or desire to have connection with a parent (or parents) and how challenging and damaging it can be. It’s an inner conflict for many people. I was fortunate to have a nurturing sister as a child.

            I also have an adult niece who struggles a great deal with her mother’s behavior (my troubled sister – I have 2 sisters). She’s an amazing young woman – she’s an attorney. 😉 I’m so happy she has me and is in my life. She has a great father too – he divorced my sister a long time ago. I’m friends with him.

            Families can be really tough. Hugs!

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            • Families are so very complicated. With what we are going through right now, I am just so grateful for a text from my family saying how brave they think our son is, and sad they are we had to go through this home invasion. It helps just knowing people care enough to email, call or text. ❤

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