This meme was sent to Blue Eyes last week by his sister. The unfortunate thing about having really awful parents, sometimes the wounds are so deep, we simply cannot see that not only haven’t we dealt with the abuse and subsequent fallout, but we are in fact perpetuating the abuse, carrying it forward, and abusing … Continue reading Our own worst enemy
childhood
Too soon to say goodbye
We found out early Friday morning that my dad is in critical condition, in the ICU up north near his home in Washington State. He's 77 years old. He’d been in some abdominal pain for a few days, which then became severe, and he asked my step mom to call an ambulance because he literally … Continue reading Too soon to say goodbye
Barbies
When I was a little girl my Grandma worked at a Veterans of America thrift shop in Southeast Portland. The store was walking distance to my Grandparent's house (the one where I would garden with my Grandpa John on warm summer days). Grandma Elsie had a cute little tan miniature poodle named Tina that she … Continue reading Barbies
A Girl’s Garden
A Girl’s Garden Robert Frost (from Mountain Interval, 1920) A neighbor of mine in the village Likes to tell how one spring When she was a girl on the farm, she did A childlike thing. One day she asked her father To give her a garden plot To plant and tend and reap herself, And … Continue reading A Girl’s Garden
On being an addict
Below is an old blog post Blue Eyes wrote while he was working on his fourth step. I thought I had read everything on his blog, but somehow I missed this. Honestly, I think this post speaks so very clearly to his struggle with being an addict. It was extremely difficult for me to read … Continue reading On being an addict
Here we go again
Anger is often called a secondary emotion because we tend to resort to anger in order to protect ourselves from or cover up other vulnerable feelings. A primary feeling is what is felt immediately before we feel anger. We almost always feel something else first before we get angry. We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, … Continue reading Here we go again
Holiday Treats
Just like anyone else who celebrates, I have lots and lots of memories and feelings surrounding the Christmas holiday. As I have discussed, religion is all over the place in my family. First, my parents are Christian. They were married in a Christian church (even though they have no idea what kind of Christian church, it … Continue reading Holiday Treats
I did it
I made it through that fucking colonoscopy like a champion. Ha, I am patting myself on the back, obviously, for something thousands of people do every single day without complaining. A routine procedure, if you will. The thing is though, I never realized before how toxic trauma can really be. I never realized simple fears could … Continue reading I did it
try not to cry on my rainbow 