A fairly famous actor recently booked our beach house on airbnb. I google all our beach house guests for peace of mind. Even though they are paying money, this is our personal vacation house that was not built as a rental. It’s filled with treasures and original art from our travels. I make this very … Continue reading The price of fame
September 23, 1984
It was on this day 42 years ago that Blue Eyes and I intimately bonded our relationship. https://trynottocryonmyrainbow.com/2015/02/11/just-another-love-story-part-three-the-pregnancy/ This was a turning point from which I would never go back. I became pregnant, then a month later lost the pregnancy. I have a memory like a steel trap. It was a difficult time. We were … Continue reading September 23, 1984
Why no tears
A bundle of September dahlias from the garden My good friend Dee, appeared on this blog a few times early on, has passed from rectal cancer. I’m normally a very emotional, ugly cry, kind of person when dealing with the death of someone I am close to, and even people I’m not close to, so … Continue reading Why no tears
Reminding myself to breathe
Oh my god there has been so much going on in our lives I want to scream and run far far away and just be. Just be still, and quiet, and alone. It doesn’t much matter where, just that I can vanquish the noise. Reminding myself of the good things. It’s summer. The weather has … Continue reading Reminding myself to breathe
I’m an introvert
I recently started following a number of Substack accounts and one I particularly connect with is INTROVERT’S INTRO. I tried to figure out an easy way to embed a post but am too exhausted to make it happen today so I’m cutting and pasting. Yesterday’s post was titled: THE INTROVERT’S PARADOX: WHY WE OVERSHARE, THEN … Continue reading I’m an introvert
Trauma rearing its ugly head again
This is not a post about Blue Eyes or Sex Addiction. It's a post about my own family of origin and dealing with the dynamics of fallible people making stupid decisions. I do not for one minute think I am anywhere near perfect. I know I have lots and lots of faults, just like everyone … Continue reading Trauma rearing its ugly head again
I remember
Even though the years have come and gone, and I have healed from the betrayal trauma, I remember. I remember every single day, and every tear shed, and every shooting pain to my heart. I remember every feeling. I still don’t feel like there was anyone in my “real life” that got me, that truly … Continue reading I remember
Be kind to yourself
Welcome Spring: Pink Foxglove I was digging around in my blog when I came across this very old post written by me at about 14 months post discovery. The comment I have copied below was written by a wife of a sex addict who was at about 2.5 years post her discovery. The two of … Continue reading Be kind to yourself
Compromise
That’s the name of the game. Blue Eyes’ Ojai office. Done and dusted. I had fun putting it all together, and he loves it! “A compromise is an agreement where opposing sides give up some of what they want to find a solution that everyone can accept, settling a dispute through mutual concessions rather than continuing … Continue reading Compromise
12 years later…
2025 First, I will say, that living 30 years with an undiscovered and therefore unrecovered addict, and another 12 years with a recovering addict, now, in the year 2026, things aren’t bad. I guess, at this point, as the wife of a sex addict, I can say, things are good. Our marriage is fine. Nobody’s … Continue reading 12 years later…
