I found myself in a puddle of tears this morning, and so here I am. I could call a friend, but what would they really be able to do other than listen and try and talk me through the sadness. The sadness just is sometimes. Every day I wake up and hope things will be just a little better … Continue reading Sunshine
I really thought this husband’s words regarding the affect his cheating has had on his family, was worth a reblog.
I had plans to write a completely diiferent post today but a friend I made through social media emailed this to me today and I wanted to share it. It’s written by her husband. He doesn’t blog but keeps a personal journal that he shares with her occasionally. I asked her and him permission to share it. It’s insightful and I think because he has done so much to gain insight, his family has healed greatly despite the ongoing pain that still comes up.
It has been a little over three years since my affair was discovered by my wife. I didn’t think then that we would be at this point in our marriage where we are doing well. My wife’s grief and rage were overwhelming and I didn’t think she would ever get past all the anguish I brought to our marriage. It overwhelmed her, it impacted our children…
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Oh, I forgot to mention... during all of the turmoil of delivering and bringing baby home, Blue Eyes received in the mail confirmation that he had in fact passed the bar exam. It didn't really help with the job situation at the time, but we had a nice little celebration nonetheless. Blue Eyes' parents came … Continue reading Just another love story. Part sixteen: jobs for everyone
Below is an old blog post Blue Eyes wrote while he was working on his fourth step. I thought I had read everything on his blog, but somehow I missed this. Honestly, I think this post speaks so very clearly to his struggle with being an addict. It was extremely difficult for me to read because as he said the same things over and over, the same concepts, the same fears, I could literally feel his emotions rising up in my own chest. I could feel the tenseness and anxiety. I could feel the fear. In my opinion he has made great strides since he wrote this post. I can see the progress. As two flawed people, we continue to work this path together.
My therapist thought it would be a good idea for me to journal about Fear and specifically as it relates to Women, my mother, the last acting out partner, and my soulmate. Of course I have been in fear about writing this and naturally put it off until I could not take it anymore…
Women in General – because of the relationship with my mom I definitely was uncomfortable and feared woman. I did not know how to have a normal relationship with a woman. I was always latching on, moving to quickly, sexually tilted craving relationships, I would scare woman away. I think I did this because I did not feel worthy and was trying to put a bandage on this huge wound of abandonment. I can remember rejecting girls and later women that had interest in me because I just was afraid and scared…
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The above is an image I snapped with my iPhone out the window of our plane on our way to Atlanta. I adore Georgia O'Keeffe and the above totally made me think of her. The sky looked like this most of the flight. It was mesmerizing to me. The main reason for this post, however, … Continue reading Homage to Georgia
In the shower this morning I realized I am having an identity crisis. I have written so much here on my blog. I have spilled out who I am, what has happened to me both before and after I found out about my husband's secret life, how I feel about addiction, how I feel about … Continue reading Lost identity
I think it is a bit ironic that I am using this title, or even talking about the power of positive energy. I am a realistic person, with a touch of optimism thrown in. I am not all puppy dogs (although I do totally love puppy dogs), and unicorns and rainbows (background on blog title), … Continue reading The power of positive energy
I don't know what it is, but I love this crazy saying, hashtag thingy, whatever. The Struggle Is Real. Maybe it is because when people use the hashtag, it is usually in conjunction with something silly, like #FirstWorldProblems, #TheStruggleIsReal, I just ate three boxes of Girl Scout cookies for lunch, type of thing. The other … Continue reading Hashtag, The Struggle Is Real
Well, it's been a while. We returned a couple days ago from an 11-day trip to New York, New Jersey, and Atlanta, mostly for business. If not for the fact that Blue Eyes caught a bad cold and was sick as a dog the entire trip, and I mean he came down with it ON the … Continue reading The new normal