Good Night Moon, 12/31/20 Today marks the 7th anniversary of the phone call. This day holds no specific or magnified trauma for me anymore. I don’t count backwards or forwards from January 11th anymore. I’m not sure how to define healing really. It’s true the path is not linear or smooth. Since the trauma symptoms … Continue reading Seven years
sex addict
Missing those days
A friend sent this yesterday. I think it is beautifully written, and so true. The tears flowed. I'm missing my Brooklyn boy.The Last Time From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,you will never be the same.You might long for the person you were before,When you have freedom and time,And nothing in particular … Continue reading Missing those days
The elephant in the corner
I ran across an old blog post yesterday and there was a comment by Pablo's Wife, one of my favorite betrayed wife bloggers. She hasn't blogged for over 2 1/2 years, but hers was one of the first, if not THE first blog I followed back in 2014. I love her wit and her honesty. In … Continue reading The elephant in the corner
For now, I’m keeping him
Saturday, January 11th, approximately 1:00pm, was the six year anniversary of the phone call from the other woman. The phone call that forever changed the lives of my little family. I haven't said it in a while, but it is true that if this awful woman hadn't called my phone, it is likely that I … Continue reading For now, I’m keeping him
Have you ever been to a strip club
I do find the subject of sexual acting out choices fascinating. I can now very easily remove my personal feelings from the shit my husband did during his years of acting out. He's sober now six years and we are a little over a day away from the anniversary of discovery of his secret life. … Continue reading Have you ever been to a strip club
What was I thinking
God only knows what I was going on about last night when the topic of me finding the email from the other woman on his laptop all those years ago came up. It was only last night that this conversation happened and I honestly can't remember. My brain works in mysterious ways sometimes. But that … Continue reading What was I thinking
The letter
Top of the Falls. Yosemite. This post is kind of a continuation of my last only in the fact that the acting out partner played a huge role in Blue Eyes secret sex addicted life for the eight years before discovery. For those who have followed me for a while, or who have read my … Continue reading The letter
There is no better or worse
Photo by Alex Iby Some recent reading has prompted me to write about a lesson I learned VERY early on in this betrayed wife journey. Blue Eyes learned a similar lesson in his own way. Ironically I could see the lesson he needed to learn far more quickly than I could see my own. When … Continue reading There is no better or worse
Help for spouses of porn addicts
I don’t normally recommend books I haven’t read, but I’m gonna do that today. Recovering Porn Addict While Joshua is taking today off to do Christmas-y things with his family (for some reason the WordPress re-blog wouldn’t work for me, so please link to his blog from above), I’m going to purchase his book and … Continue reading Help for spouses of porn addicts
Precipice
He's there, right now, sitting at the edge of his own sanity. He's unable to hide it, or even deny it. It's not coming from nowhere. It's muscle memory. It's those feelings of having been here before. Not in this exact place, but something, somewhere similar. A bustling city, a lonely hotel room, life crashing … Continue reading Precipice
try not to cry on my rainbow 