When I was in the trauma therapist's office last month, she asked me to think of something that brought me peace. Something I could focus on to calm my breathing and use during somatic healing. Sitting there in the middle of Los Angeles on a sunny 70 degree December afternoon, all I could think about … Continue reading What I’m seeking
healing
I'm over it
photo credit: Justin Kauffman Facebook reminded me that five years ago last night I found myself on a plane with my husband's affair partner. I mean I didn't put that on Facebook, but yesterday I was reminded that we were returning from a corporate retreat in Hawaii. I was less than a year post discovery … Continue reading I'm over it
Everything I need
Malibu, Photo Credit: Jenna Day There's a piece of me that belongs to Los Angeles. I'm a west coast girl and have been visiting LA since long before I met my husband, and I met him at 20! Blue Eyes is from The San Fernando Valley, just northwest of Los Angeles proper. He's a "Valley … Continue reading Everything I need
What do I want
I'm still counting down the days to trauma therapy... four more. One of the things the trauma therapist asked for was a document explaining what I hoped for our time together. What I want to accomplish. Here's what I sent her. I honestly didn't know what to say. It was difficult to write out how … Continue reading What do I want
They're talking about me
My sister was talking about me. This would be the sister who shared the same divorced parents, the same childhood experiences, the same trauma. Despite her mental illness, or maybe because of it, she is sharp as a tack. She's insightful, and intuitive, and I know she looks up to me. I'm her big sister, … Continue reading They're talking about me
I'm that girl
The good girl. The designated driver. The one who looks around for who might have dropped that $20 bill in the mall parking lot and then turns it in to the security desk. I'm the one who got straight A's, always. The teacher's pet. The good friend, never the mean girl. I'm the one who … Continue reading I'm that girl
Two stepping
In a comment Blue Eyes made on the My identity post a few days ago, he wrote "I am not a two stepper." I had no idea what a "two stepper" was in relation to addiction. So I asked him what it meant to him, then I looked it up (to see what it meant to others). … Continue reading Two stepping
Midtown mood
We have a number of different views out of our 14th story hotel room here in midtown Manhattan. We're here for business, but also visiting our Brooklyn son. The above is the view I have been staring at most of the day. I don't seem to be able to control my mood here in the … Continue reading Midtown mood
And flowers grew
Paradise! A little over a week ago, I was on a jet boat adventure in paradise. Certainly when the word paradise was invented, the person was in French Polynesia. I have never seen so many gorgeous shades of blue, and green, aqua, turquoise. I couldn't pull my eyes off that amazing water. It was mesmerizing. … Continue reading And flowers grew
Memories
I used to call them triggers and they inevitably caused me tremendous suffering. Triggers were everywhere, literal memories of "the phone call" or buried feelings of being emotionally abandoned by my husband, or conjured visions derived from the fallout of Blue Eyes' sex addicted behavior. Now, the triggers have slowly morphed into memories that no … Continue reading Memories
