Pretty spring flowers sent to me by a friend who stayed at the beach house and used up all the propane by leaving the fireplaces on all day. She felt SO BAD, lol! Well, we're fully vaccinated and the second shot was a bit of a doozy for me. I'm pretty achy and exhausted, so … Continue reading Dreaming of sleep
survival after betrayal
I won’t ask you
Frida Kahlo
Seven years
Good Night Moon, 12/31/20 Today marks the 7th anniversary of the phone call. This day holds no specific or magnified trauma for me anymore. I don’t count backwards or forwards from January 11th anymore. I’m not sure how to define healing really. It’s true the path is not linear or smooth. Since the trauma symptoms … Continue reading Seven years
Not buying the bullshit
That beach house. Last night we had a heated family discussion about our leaky master bedroom fireplace at the beach house. It has not been properly dealt with and when storms blow, rain gets in. It’s not like it floods the place, and the floors are concrete, but the surround is a beautiful custom steel … Continue reading Not buying the bullshit
Down to your heart
My dahlias are still going strong and bringing me lots of joy! I received the quote below in an inspirational email from the best trauma therapist in the world... at least she is that to me! These words spoke to me. The old me, before discovery, would have wanted to solve all my problems with … Continue reading Down to your heart
You are going to be okay, part one
A very pretty day in the neighborhood WordPress reminded me last weekend that this blog is now six years old. I started writing about nine months into my healing journey. I had been journaling for months and it took quite a while to put all those words into legitimate, readable blog entries. I finally caught … Continue reading You are going to be okay, part one
Purging
Since Blue Eyes reconnected with his parents in December, I have not had any contact with them other than the one dinner in Los Angeles. This is a good thing for me. Blue Eyes tells me they are quite often these days sending him messages asking about Portland. They express disgust with what is theoretically … Continue reading Purging
In the time of Covid
Well. It has certainly been a while since I sat down to write a post. More than two months time. I did think shelter in place would mean more time to write and truthfully I do have time to write. I simply haven't been inspired to write. There are lots of topics to write about. … Continue reading In the time of Covid
We’re in this together
Huge peony blooms from my cutting garden. I know it’s confusing to some, how or even why I would want to stay partnered with a person who lied and cheated and systematically betrayed me. How to get past the wounds, and why? Why trust? Why knowingly make myself vulnerable to a proven abuser. The question … Continue reading We’re in this together
Missing those days
A friend sent this yesterday. I think it is beautifully written, and so true. The tears flowed. I'm missing my Brooklyn boy.The Last Time From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,you will never be the same.You might long for the person you were before,When you have freedom and time,And nothing in particular … Continue reading Missing those days
