I’m giving myself permission to feel really shitty today. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I want more happiness in my life. The tears are welling up in the corners of my eyes right now, threatening to spill over, and it’s okay. My chest is tight. I feel like I want to run away. I’m in … Continue reading It’s okay to feel really bad some days
self care
Do you wonder why I run away
This is really a post to my husband. A post out of utter frustration to my 8 1/2 years sober sex addict husband. I would talk to him face to face, but he’s too busy working, at 11:30pm. At diagnosis Blue Eyes acknowledged who and what he was and started on his recovery journey… a … Continue reading Do you wonder why I run away
I’m still in Ojai 🙂
Oil Painting Still Life practice in my little Ojai studio. A visit that was supposed to last a month, is now well into week eight. Blue Eyes visited me for a weekend in January and unfortunately he arrived on the day Thich Nhat Hanh passed, so, much of his time was spent watching footage of … Continue reading I’m still in Ojai 🙂
That time I got the shingles
I had a stressful summer. I’ve been trying to de-stress by doing some things I enjoy, The Peacemaker gifted me a landscape painting class for Mother’s Day. I diligently attended the online classes, but then all hell broke loose with my sister and I never actually completed the assignment for that class. It’s still on … Continue reading That time I got the shingles
Finding my place to land
I’m not sure what’s going on with me or why writing hasn’t been a priority in my life, but alas, I am back and with the goal of writing more often because, I do enjoy it. I meant to do this post yesterday, and the day before, and nearly every day before that for…. months? … Continue reading Finding my place to land
Tired of pretending, Part Four
I spent all day Tuesday (7/20) running around picking up things for my sister who was still safely at the crisis center here in Portland at that point. Again, I didn’t want her spending the night out of a secure facility. I arrived at the crisis center Wednesday morning at about 10:30am. By 11:30am my … Continue reading Tired of pretending, Part Four
I won’t ask you
Frida Kahlo
Down to your heart
My dahlias are still going strong and bringing me lots of joy! I received the quote below in an inspirational email from the best trauma therapist in the world... at least she is that to me! These words spoke to me. The old me, before discovery, would have wanted to solve all my problems with … Continue reading Down to your heart
Purging
Since Blue Eyes reconnected with his parents in December, I have not had any contact with them other than the one dinner in Los Angeles. This is a good thing for me. Blue Eyes tells me they are quite often these days sending him messages asking about Portland. They express disgust with what is theoretically … Continue reading Purging
Sunshine on a cloudy day
My zinnias survived the moving van. I lost a couple plants and about 30 blooms, but honestly, that's a drop in the bucket of what is out there. It still looks beautiful. The neighbors did move out. I thought this would mean that our neighborhood would be quieter, but instead, they are fixing up the … Continue reading Sunshine on a cloudy day
try not to cry on my rainbow 