This was the question I asked repeatedly of my husband and every therapist we encountered for the first year of recovery. Why, after all these years and all his destructive behavior, can he change now when he never was able to before. He says he wanted to. He says he hated himself. He says he hated … Continue reading Why now
Month: April 2016
“I never wanted you to find out the truth…”
As I continued struggling with feeling unsettled after Blue Eyes' ninth step, I decided I wanted him to do one more thing for me before he moved forward. As part of his amends step, and his reparation to me, I want him to write a letter to the other woman. The last other woman, the … Continue reading “I never wanted you to find out the truth…”
“It will never happen again”
These are the words that send me to that place. That place where my insides feel like a big festering ulcer, where my head starts to ache and I feel an uneasy clamminess, like I need to purge. "It will never happen again." I was having a great day yesterday. I planned a romantic little … Continue reading “It will never happen again”
The ninth step
I am neither scholarly, nor a particular fan, but I am finding Dante's Inferno keeps coming to mind when I think about Blue Eyes' ninth step, which he presented to me in Ms. Honey's office, last Thursday. He was thirty five years old when he began his journey through hell, Dante that is. Mid way through … Continue reading The ninth step
And then, the rain
We just experienced back to back to back days of sunshine and warmth. Spring in the Pacific Northwest is predictably unpredictable. During the sunny dry days, we walked, we soaked it in, we had a picnic, we ate outside, we visited our beach property. Blue Eyes begged me every day to go for rides in his … Continue reading And then, the rain