Thursday, July 22, 2021 (when I started this entry): It’s been one of those weeks. The past 30 hours feels like 30 days… Per usual, I have thought a lot about writing blog entries over the past couple months. I’ve even started a few. But they sit in the queue, unfinished. I’ve written before about … Continue reading Tired of pretending: Part One
mental health
Down to your heart
My dahlias are still going strong and bringing me lots of joy! I received the quote below in an inspirational email from the best trauma therapist in the world... at least she is that to me! These words spoke to me. The old me, before discovery, would have wanted to solve all my problems with … Continue reading Down to your heart
You are going to be okay, part one
A very pretty day in the neighborhood WordPress reminded me last weekend that this blog is now six years old. I started writing about nine months into my healing journey. I had been journaling for months and it took quite a while to put all those words into legitimate, readable blog entries. I finally caught … Continue reading You are going to be okay, part one
Purging
Since Blue Eyes reconnected with his parents in December, I have not had any contact with them other than the one dinner in Los Angeles. This is a good thing for me. Blue Eyes tells me they are quite often these days sending him messages asking about Portland. They express disgust with what is theoretically … Continue reading Purging
Who does that?
Taking a Break I've linked here Blue Eyes' latest post. He doesn't usually ask for advice or comments on his blog. He started the blog as a way to work on some of the tasks he was assigned by his then therapist. A way to get some of his thoughts off and out of him, … Continue reading Who does that?
A Friday in February
Time to finish the posts about our last couple's therapy appointment in Los Angeles. It seems so long ago. The coronavirus situation hadn't even gathered steam at that point. We were still in the throes of mourning my dad's passing, everyone had plenty of toilet paper. The toilet paper thing is still odd to me. … Continue reading A Friday in February
Fear of not being loved
During our last therapy appointment Blue Eyes brought up me, my dad, and one of my nieces as examples of people who live honestly and openly without fear and how he wants to emulate our behavior. He wants to be like us. He talked about the things he loves about me and how upon meeting … Continue reading Fear of not being loved
When anger rears its ugly head
Our therapy appointment on Friday began with the therapist asking how I was getting along since my dad's passing. I told her it had only been a few days since his funeral, which had been overwhelming, but that I was doing pretty well as long as I don't watch the video someone took of all … Continue reading When anger rears its ugly head
I’m still in that box
My baby brother, the Listener, the one who works for us and knows everything, called my mobile phone last Thursday at about 1:30pm. He didn't beat around the bush. He said, "dad is gone." Even though I knew what was coming, the words still hit me with an awful force. It wasn't shock or surprise, … Continue reading I’m still in that box
What was I thinking
God only knows what I was going on about last night when the topic of me finding the email from the other woman on his laptop all those years ago came up. It was only last night that this conversation happened and I honestly can't remember. My brain works in mysterious ways sometimes. But that … Continue reading What was I thinking
