Ten years ago, I wrote this post: https://trynottocryonmyrainbow.com/2015/12/08/seeking-happiness/ The post is pretty much all about The Peacemaker, our younger child, and his bout with depression. I end the post, written in December 2015, with: “On a side note, I would like to feel some literal sunshine on my face… we are drowning here in the … Continue reading Seeking happiness, 10 years later
dysfunctional family
Feeling ungrounded
Today’s view and current mood: cloudy with a chance of sunshine. I’m feeling sad and out of sorts and in trying to figure out exactly what is going on, I’ve come to a few conclusions. First, with my current shoulder situation, things aren’t bouncing off me as easily as they usually do. I’ve had two … Continue reading Feeling ungrounded
Our own worst enemy
This meme was sent to Blue Eyes last week by his sister. The unfortunate thing about having really awful parents, sometimes the wounds are so deep, we simply cannot see that not only haven’t we dealt with the abuse and subsequent fallout, but we are in fact perpetuating the abuse, carrying it forward, and abusing … Continue reading Our own worst enemy
Explanations or excuses
Pretty beach sunset I have now heard (or seen) this term “neurodivergent” a half dozen times in the past week. Thank you AI It’s one of those phenomena where you have never heard of something before and then BAM! There it is over and over. Sometimes I think it’s just a matter of coincidence. When … Continue reading Explanations or excuses
You are going to be okay, part two
The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, blossoms are popping, it’s spring in Portland. I’m doing some cleaning of the closets and other such spring kinda stuff. Life is not perfect, but it’s good. Eleven years ago today, I was three months into healing from the most shocking revelation, that my husband was a … Continue reading You are going to be okay, part two
Some dreams do come true
Last weekend we went to visit Blue Eyes’ father in Los Angeles. Much to my astonishment, it has been an absolute pleasure dealing with Grandpa the past few months. Most of his grumpiness towards Blue Eyes and The Peacemaker is gone. Grandpa now laughs and jokes and says “I love you,” and “I miss you,” … Continue reading Some dreams do come true
Letter to the sister in law
“D, I’ve decided that in order to continue having a relationship with you, I need to be able to say my piece without any interruption. I realize, of course, that you have your own stories, feelings, trauma, etc… and me speaking my mind is in no way minimizing your story or your feelings. Our story … Continue reading Letter to the sister in law
Family, and anxiety
I’m home from a glorious trip to Hawaii. For the first 5 days it was me, Blue Eyes, and The Peacemaker celebrating their 60th & 30th birthdays respectively. Last week was spent with my mom, step dad, my brother GQ, his wife, and The Princess. My mom turned 80, and The Princess turned 9. For … Continue reading Family, and anxiety
What made me
The last time I was down in LA, the sister in law cornered me. Her mom used to do this with people. Get them alone and then blast them with venom and hate. Both mother in law and sister in law did this with Blue Eyes regularly. He was an easy target and he never … Continue reading What made me
Give me strength
A beautiful October morning in Portland I’m currently sitting on another plane heading down to Los Angeles. Blue Eyes was supposed to be the one on the plane. He was scheduled to be home for the weekend, to spend a little time in his own home, with me and The Peacemaker and his dog. I … Continue reading Give me strength
try not to cry on my rainbow 