Hug Point, North Oregon Coast I think if I didn’t understand people, their emotions, their wounds, and their motives, if I didn’t internalize so much of other people’s wants, I would be far better off. I’m tired of trying to be what people need. Over the past few years I have tried desperately to better … Continue reading Still searching…
In-laws
Seeking happiness, 10 years later
Ten years ago, I wrote this post: https://trynottocryonmyrainbow.com/2015/12/08/seeking-happiness/ The post is pretty much all about The Peacemaker, our younger child, and his bout with depression. I end the post, written in December 2015, with: “On a side note, I would like to feel some literal sunshine on my face… we are drowning here in the … Continue reading Seeking happiness, 10 years later
Feeling ungrounded
Today’s view and current mood: cloudy with a chance of sunshine. I’m feeling sad and out of sorts and in trying to figure out exactly what is going on, I’ve come to a few conclusions. First, with my current shoulder situation, things aren’t bouncing off me as easily as they usually do. I’ve had two … Continue reading Feeling ungrounded
Our own worst enemy
This meme was sent to Blue Eyes last week by his sister. The unfortunate thing about having really awful parents, sometimes the wounds are so deep, we simply cannot see that not only haven’t we dealt with the abuse and subsequent fallout, but we are in fact perpetuating the abuse, carrying it forward, and abusing … Continue reading Our own worst enemy
Some dreams do come true
Last weekend we went to visit Blue Eyes’ father in Los Angeles. Much to my astonishment, it has been an absolute pleasure dealing with Grandpa the past few months. Most of his grumpiness towards Blue Eyes and The Peacemaker is gone. Grandpa now laughs and jokes and says “I love you,” and “I miss you,” … Continue reading Some dreams do come true
Letter to the sister in law
“D, I’ve decided that in order to continue having a relationship with you, I need to be able to say my piece without any interruption. I realize, of course, that you have your own stories, feelings, trauma, etc… and me speaking my mind is in no way minimizing your story or your feelings. Our story … Continue reading Letter to the sister in law
Family, and anxiety
I’m home from a glorious trip to Hawaii. For the first 5 days it was me, Blue Eyes, and The Peacemaker celebrating their 60th & 30th birthdays respectively. Last week was spent with my mom, step dad, my brother GQ, his wife, and The Princess. My mom turned 80, and The Princess turned 9. For … Continue reading Family, and anxiety
Give me strength
A beautiful October morning in Portland I’m currently sitting on another plane heading down to Los Angeles. Blue Eyes was supposed to be the one on the plane. He was scheduled to be home for the weekend, to spend a little time in his own home, with me and The Peacemaker and his dog. I … Continue reading Give me strength
A state of shock
My mother in law wasn’t young, and more recently she had become more frail, however, the overwhelming sentiment by every single person upon hearing of her sudden death, is shock and disbelief. I was not the only person who thought she would outlive us all. Her entire life, she was bigger than life. She was … Continue reading A state of shock
9 years ago
I received a lovely message from a new commenter "Centered" on my last post and she reminded me that I did not post this year on or around the anniversary of discovery day of my husband's secret life. And you know what? I legitimately forgot the significance of that day, completely. And although this post … Continue reading 9 years ago
try not to cry on my rainbow 