Ten years ago, I wrote this post: https://trynottocryonmyrainbow.com/2015/12/08/seeking-happiness/ The post is pretty much all about The Peacemaker, our younger child, and his bout with depression. I end the post, written in December 2015, with: “On a side note, I would like to feel some literal sunshine on my face… we are drowning here in the … Continue reading Seeking happiness, 10 years later
survival after betrayal
Our own worst enemy
This meme was sent to Blue Eyes last week by his sister. The unfortunate thing about having really awful parents, sometimes the wounds are so deep, we simply cannot see that not only haven’t we dealt with the abuse and subsequent fallout, but we are in fact perpetuating the abuse, carrying it forward, and abusing … Continue reading Our own worst enemy
Signs of emotional exhaustion
Yes, to this: “80% of women don’t cry, scream, or argue when they’re hurting, they go silent. Not because they don’t care, but because they’ve already said everything they needed to say and it changed nothing. Silence is her last language. It’s what she says when she realizes her words have fallen on deaf ears … Continue reading Signs of emotional exhaustion
Explanations or excuses
Pretty beach sunset I have now heard (or seen) this term “neurodivergent” a half dozen times in the past week. Thank you AI It’s one of those phenomena where you have never heard of something before and then BAM! There it is over and over. Sometimes I think it’s just a matter of coincidence. When … Continue reading Explanations or excuses
Trust shouldn’t be a compromise
From somewhere on the internet I pretty much agree with the above and realizing hindsight is 20/20, I have to say before dday I trusted Blue Eyes with what I consider the big stuff… I trusted he would be faithful, and be there for me when I was going through a hard time, sorta, generally … Continue reading Trust shouldn’t be a compromise
Actions, not words
Strangely enough, I’m still trying to get Blue Eyes to stop taking his phone into the bathroom. It was on the boundary list all those years ago. He stopped for a long time, but has been back at it for a while. Why do people even want to have their phone in the bathroom? Beyond … Continue reading Actions, not words
You are going to be okay, part two
The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, blossoms are popping, it’s spring in Portland. I’m doing some cleaning of the closets and other such spring kinda stuff. Life is not perfect, but it’s good. Eleven years ago today, I was three months into healing from the most shocking revelation, that my husband was a … Continue reading You are going to be okay, part two
Another day, another cheater
Yesterday I visited my favorite “downtown Ojai” interiors store. I put downtown in quotes because Ojai is a very small town. Barely 8,000 residents, but it has lots going for it, like great shopping (albeit expensive), yummy restaurants, lots of fun events like the Memorial Weekend Arts Fair, a juniors tennis tournament, music festivals, two … Continue reading Another day, another cheater
Another cursed Valentine’s Day, come and gone…
I dislike Valentine’s Day, very much. I haven’t been shy about it here, that’s for sure. Blue Eyes planned a Staycation for us here at the new Portland Ritz Carlton. It’s a beautiful hotel if a little out of place in this city. Pretty fancy for us, especially with downtown still trying to get back … Continue reading Another cursed Valentine’s Day, come and gone…
It’s been 10 years….
January Camellias in Ojai Ten years since the phone call. Ten years of recovery and sobriety for Blue Eyes. Ten years of pain for me. The ten year anniversary of the phone call (8 days ago) was spent hiking to a snowy waterfall in Dunsmuir, CA and eating smash burgers with The Peacemaker, my forever … Continue reading It’s been 10 years….
try not to cry on my rainbow 