I’m giving myself permission to feel really shitty today. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I want more happiness in my life. The tears are welling up in the corners of my eyes right now, threatening to spill over, and it’s okay. My chest is tight. I feel like I want to run away. I’m in … Continue reading It’s okay to feel really bad some days
survival after betrayal
We lost
Drive to the beach house this afternoon. I’m writing this here because I don’t have the energy to talk about it with anyone in real life, not even Blue Eyes. But it is really weighing my heart down, so here I go. I’m hoping getting this out into the blogosphere will help release what feels … Continue reading We lost
And flowers grew
Paradise! A little over a week ago, I was on a jet boat adventure in paradise. Certainly when the word paradise was invented, the person was in French Polynesia. I have never seen so many gorgeous shades of blue, and green, aqua, turquoise. I couldn't pull my eyes off that amazing water. It was mesmerizing. … Continue reading And flowers grew
Thoughts for today
I knew it wasn't perfect Not me, not you. Our faults were written all over our faces, and on every wall and in all the spaces. Me, always too much. Always the first and last to speak and share. The one with all the words, the one who never shuts down and always cares. You, … Continue reading Thoughts for today
Wait, what just happened?
Things were going along so well, and then someone had to go and fuck it up. This post is not really about sex addiction. To sum things up, shit happens no matter how adept I believe I am at avoiding it. And, my life's not perfect (I know, I know—no one’s is) but I have … Continue reading Wait, what just happened?
This is my time
I'm leaving early tomorrow morning, heading east, and I plan to be away from home for at least five weeks. I need this time. I feel lucky because my kids are grown and anything I need to do for work (which is very little at this point) can be done remotely. I'm lucky because my … Continue reading This is my time
Turbulence on re-entry
At this point, I feel like readers are pretty aware that with all the fun of travel and beach houses, and all that jazz going on in my life, inevitably struggles will sneak their way in because, you know, living with a sex addict ain't easy. Frankly, after 33 years, I'm not sure living with … Continue reading Turbulence on re-entry
I’m sorry
Sometimes I feel like I need to put out a disclaimer before I start typing. Although we are moving forward together, me with Blue eyes, and I am healing, and I keep writing because it helps me feel better in the moment, this ride is so tumultuous, some days I feel like I'm going to … Continue reading I’m sorry
Another missing piece
As mentioned previously on this blog, I periodically perform an internet search of people I know, specifically my husband and kids. I have done this for a long time, way before dday. Mostly it used to be fun. Blue Eyes used to have a lot of links and photos, etc... when he was still on social … Continue reading Another missing piece
Charting progress
This is year four of journaling on Valentine's Day. For a day that I have never cared much about, it seems, I sure do like to write about it. Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2014 Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2015 Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2016 I actually don't think I like to write about it at … Continue reading Charting progress
try not to cry on my rainbow 