During our last therapy appointment Blue Eyes brought up me, my dad, and one of my nieces as examples of people who live honestly and openly without fear and how he wants to emulate our behavior. He wants to be like us. He talked about the things he loves about me and how upon meeting … Continue reading Fear of not being loved
wife of a sex addict
What was I thinking
God only knows what I was going on about last night when the topic of me finding the email from the other woman on his laptop all those years ago came up. It was only last night that this conversation happened and I honestly can't remember. My brain works in mysterious ways sometimes. But that … Continue reading What was I thinking
There is no better or worse
Photo by Alex Iby Some recent reading has prompted me to write about a lesson I learned VERY early on in this betrayed wife journey. Blue Eyes learned a similar lesson in his own way. Ironically I could see the lesson he needed to learn far more quickly than I could see my own. When … Continue reading There is no better or worse
What do I want
I'm still counting down the days to trauma therapy... four more. One of the things the trauma therapist asked for was a document explaining what I hoped for our time together. What I want to accomplish. Here's what I sent her. I honestly didn't know what to say. It was difficult to write out how … Continue reading What do I want
Help for spouses of porn addicts
I don’t normally recommend books I haven’t read, but I’m gonna do that today. Recovering Porn Addict While Joshua is taking today off to do Christmas-y things with his family (for some reason the WordPress re-blog wouldn’t work for me, so please link to his blog from above), I’m going to purchase his book and … Continue reading Help for spouses of porn addicts
Mind blown 🤯
POST #500 As I was responding to a comment by Spouse of a Sex Addict from my last post, it triggered a memory from arbitration. As mentioned, arbitration week was hell. We listened to the contractor on our beach house construction project lie, repeatedly. He spoke softly and gently and made it look like he … Continue reading Mind blown 🤯
It still happens
As previously mentioned, yesterday was Blue Eyes' Birthday. We're on vacation. I knew he would need to do some work on this trip because we had arbitration last week, which put us both behind, AND, he can't take a 10-day vacation these days without working. Sad to some, not sad to us. We're short handed … Continue reading It still happens
Precipice
He's there, right now, sitting at the edge of his own sanity. He's unable to hide it, or even deny it. It's not coming from nowhere. It's muscle memory. It's those feelings of having been here before. Not in this exact place, but something, somewhere similar. A bustling city, a lonely hotel room, life crashing … Continue reading Precipice
Five Years
WordPress just wished me a Happy Anniversary. It's been five years since I started this blog. This story began with a phone call. That phone call was from a woman who wanted to punish me for my husband's bad acts. Discovery Day: January 11, 2014. That's the day I started ferociously journaling, attempting to off … Continue reading Five Years
Why…
The question with answers that don't make sense to someone who would never betray their partner. To someone who isn't an addict and doesn't have the need to fill such deep, destructive holes, nothing really makes sense. Blue Eyes did a pretty good job of reflecting on the question that has been asked by me … Continue reading Why…
