So, after yesterday’s incredibly long post, I decided to post a shorter entry, present day, to kind of mix things up.
In the past week, I started following two new bloggers and I found their stories incredibly interesting. One of them, sort of sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what was going to happen next, interesting. They are “other women,” both married themselves, and both cheating with married men. I’m not sure how I found their blogs, they may have started following me first? I don’t know, or I can’t remember. Anyway, even though each had only posted a few entries, they both suddenly went off-line. Poof, their blogs are gone. I am sad about this. I really and genuinely wanted to read more about them, and their lives, and how they found themselves loving (or just loving on) married men, even though both women are married. Does this happen often? People start blogs and then abandon them after a week? Maybe they have regrets? Or fear their spouse will find it. I don’t know. I wish I did.
Since I found out about my husband’s cheating, I have often thought about his “other women.” How did it all begin? Why did they agree to extra-marital, covert relationships? What are their lives like? What did they really want from Blue Eyes? Did they think he would marry them? Did they just want sex? I now have answers to most of those questions in the case of my husband and his women, and I frankly do not find the stories that interesting. I will probably share my version of those relationships in a future post (which might be more interesting than the real thing, I tend to have quite the imagination), but these other women bloggers had really compelling stories. I want more… We all have unique stories, and whether you are a cheating husband and you have no remorse, or you are a soccer mom prostitute selling your body to make ends meet, or you are a wife whose husband actually does not want to have sex and you happened upon the man of your dreams, but both of you are, unfortunately, married, or you are the mistress and you love threesomes, or whatever. I like to read about real people. Real people and their stories are incredibly interesting. I know there are a lot of betrayed spouses and I can totally relate to their pain and their struggle, and it is nice not to feel so alone anymore, but I want to hear all the stories.
I do comment on these blogs sometimes, but I think I am very respectful. Just because you may be a cheating spouse, doesn’t mean I have the right to judge and be rude to you on your own blog. I won’t be. Do I believe people should be honest in their marriages and give all parties a chance to have a say on who their spouse is having sex with, or becoming emotionally attached too? Well, yeah, but I am not naive enough (and I wasn’t before I found out about my husband’s cheating) to think that that will ever happen. All people are fallible, and being open and honest is not how affairs begin. I also really appreciate the bloggers who are open minded and allow comments by people who are on the other side of things. I tried to follow a “mistress” blog and she rejected my request. I tried a nice respectful comment so she could see that I wasn’t hostile, but she rejected that as well. Fine. I don’t have to be “blogger friends” with everyone, but I do miss those two particular bloggers.
I hope they decide to revisit the blogging community one of these days. If I want to hear their story so bad, I know there have got to be a lot of others who are interested as well. Please come back…
10 thoughts on “Hey, I miss the other women”
I’ve read a few blogs by cheating spouses. I find myself curious and will read thru until I’m repulsed, then I don’t go back to that blog.. Its helpful to read other perspectives and helps some in understanding the lies and deceit. But I intimately find myself pissed and wanting to respond in a hateful and hurtful manner. I don’t have the energy for that yet!
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Hi Rac. Sometimes I feel exactly the same way. At first, months ago, I didn’t want to read anything about the women, and I had to stop myself many times. This whole BS about how their husband’s don’t get sex at home and that is why it is okay for them to give it to them. Ugh. Even now, I only follow a couple. Unfortunately, I am less repulsed by the women, because I feel they are so broken and delusional. I am more disturbed by the men and figuring out what they say to them. It just appears to be so very rare that a man is actually out shopping for a real relationship with a woman when they have a wife. Most of the time, it is just all lies. It is a little hard to believe anything the men say, frankly. Sometimes I do get a little upset and stop reading for a while. Interestingly, some don’t bother me at all. I guess at this point, it is just less about the women, and much more about my husband. I have learned there are so many needy, selfish people. I am still trying to figure out where I fit in all this.
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CrazyKat, I have been following your blog from the beginning and have found it fascinating. Our stories are very similar (my husband is a sex addict) and I can identify with almost every post. I, too, have been following OW blogs. I, too, have found them to be very interesting. Reading blogs by OW, BS’s & WS’s has helped me to better understand the thought process of each position. As I have said before, there is enough pain to go around for us all. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps us BS’s not feel so alone and I think it helps others better understand the pain we experience.
Thanks, Kit! It really does help not feeling so alone. The fact that our husbands are sex addicts just adds another difficult element to the betrayal trauma and recovery. As I just said to shatteredwife, I have stopped reading the blogs of single women who have relationships with married men. They seem quite delusional about the fantasy that they are giving our husbands something we don’t want to give them (love, nurturing, attention, mind-blowing sex, etc… ), or that we are ice queens, and only care about the security our husband’s money provides us, etc… They have no idea what they are talking about and seem to be rationalizing their behavior, which no doubt stems from some serious wounds themselves. I don’t need that in my life. But I do find the married woman/married man stories interesting. Do you have a blog?
I’m glad you enjoy reading all kinds of stories, but personally, I think it would kill me to read “other women” blogs. Married women who find it acceptable to have inappropriate relationships with married men make my skin crawl. Strength to you. SWxo
I totally get your comment, and I understand not wanting to or not being able to read the OW blogs. In the beginning, months ago, I actually googled ‘why do women become mistresses’ and came upon an OW blog. The woman was delusional (and I feel like I am being pretty objective, actually) which got me thinking, I need to get my story out there to counter balance some of these OW who believe they are the only ones giving our husbands “mind-blowing” sex, and that the men all have ice queen wives and that everyone is miserable. It also became quite obvious how much lying goes on in these strange fantasy relationships, thus the complete and utter failure of the relationships if the people leave a spouse for the “other.”
I quickly found a wonderful community of betrayed spouses. Early on, I could not read the OW stories, now I am interested. I am interested in all the rationalizations married people use and also some people seem quite unhappy in their marriages. I wonder why they don’t leave their spouses (either male or female). Sometimes the blogs enlighten me. I can separate the OW on the blogs from the OW in my husband’s life, because thinking about my husband’s OW still does make my skin crawl, because they have actually touched MY husband (and vice versa). I do not read the blogs of women who are single and seem to prey on married men, or are making sweeping generalizations about the wife, a person they do not know and was an innocent victim in their “games.” That is just bullshit and not worth my time.
Thanks for commenting! I enjoy your blog!
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Were you talking about me? I hated going offline so quickly like that, but I needed my blog to be anonymous, and I had a good friend call me on Friday in a panic and say she looked up my blog and found my real name and identity attached to it. So, anyone could google me and find what I’d written. Then another blogger emailed me and said she’s found out my real identity too. Insert more panic! I tried changing the settings, but nothing worked – my name was someone still attached and we could still google the blog and find my name. So, I deleted it quick as I could. I hate starting over and losing all my followers (I had nearly 40 in just two weeks!), and I didn’t mean to leave you all in a lurch. But having the anonymity is important to me. Maybe that’s why the other blogger went offline too? My husband knows I am blogging, but I don’t think wants to read it. He knows it’s good therapy for me.
You have been very respectful, and I am glad that you can read and comment without attacking. I enjoy reading your stories too, as it is helpful to get the perspective from your side as well. Keeps me grounded.
Yes, you are the ‘sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for your next post’ OW :)! I am so sorry about the anonymity thing. It sounds like everything is worked out now for you? Your followers will come back, plus more, I am sure of it. I am not so concerned with my own anonymity, just his right now. Anyway, I’m very happy you are back. Also glad you think I am respectful. I try to be. On the other blog, the woman asked how I could “like” her blog or understand where she was coming from, since she is the “woman” I have grown to hate. First, I don’t hate the OW, or any woman. I certainly don’t like what she did with my husband, but they are both to blame and my husband was the pursuer. I actually “get” the whole thing. Do I like it? Of course not. Do I like being stalked and blamed. No. But some things have been worked out and I am learning to live in my own, new reality. I very much appreciate hearing how these things transpire, and also, as difficult as it is for me to admit (and this is not the situation in my case, thankfully), but some of these cheating stories are love stories. And some are very sexually intoxicating. I am a human after all. I am enjoying the excitement in other people’s lives :). Thankfully my husband and I have been able to reinvigorate our own love story, in a more honest and authentic way. My husband has a long journey ahead of him. Anyway, I have found blogging to be cathartic, and that is my goal. Now, I need to get back to reading your story!
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A very strange attitude by some, I guess people have their own reasons for a blog. Perhaps they misunderstood your intentions.
I personally follow yours daily, I’m interested to see where you end up. You seem stronger than most.
Thanks, HJJ. When I first started my blog last month, I somehow felt that putting all my journal entries “out there” would help me. I never assumed anyone would follow me. It feels good knowing there are people out there reading my blog, and hopefully understanding me, even if I don’t know them IRL. I have also used the blog as a venue to “vent” a little about the OW. I am not generally a venter, being lucky enough prior to January not to have a whole lot to vent about. My life has changed dramatically, but I am getting better. I had never been on WordPress before. I have a family blog on google, but I find WordPress much more user friendly, and full of little communities. Thanks for being part of mine. I also follow yours daily. I find everyone’s stories to be very interesting.