Life is too short

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This morning’s view from bed.

I realize I am really just procrastinating because I don’t want to drive back into the city. If I leave now, I’ll hit traffic, so I’m staying a little longer and finishing this post. But I do have to go back because I have stayed at the beach house so long I am out of insulin. Fuck it! Next time I’m bringing a month’s worth.

I’ve been going round and round about this “friend” I met back east in 2016. This guy is from the same city, same basic part of town I am from. He reminds me a ton of my Dad. He loves the same food, the same restaurants, the same food, the same restaurants… get the drift. Both my father and this “friend” are food addicts. I get that. When we were back east, he and I, I’ll call him Rick, had some fun together. We went on a couple road trips together in North Carolina. He’s kind of like a younger brother. A younger brother who reminds me a lot of my Dad. Not sure if I have mentioned this before, but my Dad can be an asshole. And I already have five younger brothers, yeah, so not in the market for more sibs. If he was going to be a friend, I was all for that. But friendships are give and take. This friendship turned out to be all take.

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Besides being a taker, this friend behaves badly. When we met back in 2016 he had a bunch of problems and he asked for my advice, but he never took it. Things always ended badly for him, but whatever. Not my circus. When we were both back home in Portland, we did a few things together, but the friendship was pretty arm’s length. Earlier this year, I helped him renovate a little beach house he purchased using an inheritance from his Grandfather. The house is about 12 miles north of mine. I love houses and I don’t mind manual labor. I took all the photos of the house that he now uses to rent it. I also love taking photographs. Those last few weeks before I left for back east again, we spent a bit of time together.

Blue Eyes, OF COURSE, knows all about Rick. They’ve met. They actually have a lot more in common than Rick and I do. They both play the guitar, they both love sci-fi. They both collected baseball cards as children, and as it turns out, they are both addicts. I knew Rick was a food addict. That was obvious.

When I was back east this past spring, Rick called me all the time. It was like he was coming unhinged. He told me how much he missed me. He broke up with his long distance girlfriend and then she called me trying to figure out if I knew what was going on with Rick. She was worried about him because he had basically ghosted her. That did not make me happy. His girlfriend was AWESOME. He didn’t deserve her anyway.

The next time he called he told me he had been doing some things that most women wouldn’t understand, but he knew I would. I was leery. We were chatting and texting and then boom, out of the blue, he sends me a pic of a topless girl. She appears to be in her late teens, at best. I was like what the fuck??? Rick is 50! He told me he was back on the “Sugar Daddy” website. He had told me back in 2016 that once when he was lonely he went on a website by which men met women (girls, “sugar babies”) and paid for things like rent, gifts, whatever for sexual favors (or whatever you want to do together, but he said with him it was always sex). Basically prostitution. He told me he was currently “active” with four girls, but the one he had sent a pic of was his favorite. ICK ICK ICK! well, and ICK!!!

I didn’t understand why he thought I would be okay with this. I asked how old the girls were. He said most were University students just trying to make ends meet. I could feel my chest getting tight. Those girls were younger than my own children and most likely not students at all. They are prostitutes. Now, I’m not a prude, but I don’t think it’s cute when a 50 year old man is paying for sex with a teen. If the men didn’t partake, the girls would be forced to find legitimate and legal jobs. They’re not being trafficked. They are doing this because they make a lot of money doing it. To each their own, but DON’T TELL ME ABOUT IT.

And then it got worse. I told Rick I wondered what his dead grandpa would think if he knew Rick was using the precious inheritance his grandfather had scrimped and saved for paying young girls for sex. Rick had a girlfriend. He broke up with his girlfriend so he could feel better about having sex for money with teenage girls. Rick said he wasn’t hurting anyone and he was surprised that I was so irritated. REALLY? Don’t dump your garbage on my door, big fella. Maybe if Rick had been a lonely woman, I would have been more understanding? I don’t know.

But it ended like this. Rick said, and I quote “if Blue Eyes spent even 20 minutes with any of these girls, you would be obsolete.”

I explained to Rick that he is an addict and he needs to get help. I can no longer have a friendship with someone who would say something so callous and hurtful. I told him he has no idea what marriage is, what a long term intimate relationship entails and at this rate, he never will.

Rick does not understand why I am not speaking to him anymore. He still texts and messages, but never calls. I don’t message back. What a dick!

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Okay, time to head out. Here’s tonight’s sunset from our deck. You can probably see why I don’t want to leave

38 thoughts on “Life is too short

  1. Clearly, he’s a very sick person and an addict. I’m so sorry your “friend” said that to you. What would bother me is that a friend (male or female) would put me down and tell me I’d be obsolete to my husband. WTF??? That’s just plain cruel. It’s not how people should treat any friend. Period!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Absolutely correct. A lot of addicts simply do not understand the reality of intimate and loving relationships. Being truly intimate with someone can be difficult for people who grew up in non-nurturing and abusive environments. I get that, but do not take it out on ME!!! Geez. The fact that he still doesn’t really understand why it was cruel, and believe me, I explained it to him, says a lot about his emotional intelligence. He doesn’t have any. C’est la vie.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I had to read this blog entry multiple times and also the feedback in order to stop the crass and evil responses to this man’s audacity before responding. Whew. Maggie hit the nail on the head. “What about “YOU’RE PAYING THEM” do men like this not get? But for you giving them $, they wouldn’t even glance at you. How do otherwise intelligent men fall for this crap and somehow think these women really care about them and want to have sex with them?” Truly, men can be so stupid and delusional when it comes to their sense of entitlement and sexual adventures. What an ass your former “friend” seems to be. An addict and an ass.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Clearly he is not emotionally intelligent and I really do not desire to be friends with someone who could be so callous. He’s a sick man. His loss. Definitely belongs in 12 step…. that place for addicts & assholes.

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  3. Wtaf Kat?!
    How he even began to think it was ok to send you that pic or tell you about his filthy behaviour is mind boggling! I hope he doesn’t know what you’ve been through with Blue Eyes because then the callous, cruelty goes to another level altogether! It must have been helluva triggering for you too! 🤢🤯

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, he absolutely knows my whole story. It was definitely at the highest level of cruelty. Also, the pic of the girl was one he took himself and promised not to show to anyone (I asked him how he got it). And if he sent it to me, you know he sent it to others. He’s a sick dude. It actually was pretty triggering, for a number of reasons. Ick.

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  4. WOW! I believe I could think of a much better word for “Rick,” than DICK…but at least it rhymes.
    Men paying for companionship, sex and adoration…sounds like Loser. LOL
    Yep…I can understand why you wouldn’t want to leave where you are…and I’m not a water person.
    I can imagine the peace you must feel, looking at such beauty. 😘

    Liked by 2 people

  5. What about “YOU’RE PAYING THEM” do men like this not get? But for you giving them $, they wouldn’t even glance at you. How do otherwise intelligent men fall for this crap and somehow think these women really care about them and want to have sex with them? You nailed it. He’s an addict, for sure. You were nicer than I would have been ending that “friendship.” Even without the insulting remark, he has a problem with boundaries, but don’t all addicts? Why would he think you would think this is cool? Why would he think anyone would think this is cool? Because his brain chemistry is so messed up at this point that he’s delusional. So sad.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think he actually believed that the girls liked him and wanted to spend time with him (don’t they all?). He was paying them because they needed money to go to school, or whatever. DELUSIONAL!!! he told one girl that he really liked her and she told him that was against the rules and not to contact her again. These guys really have no clue. I knew he was a food addict and as we know, co-addictions are very common. They are filling the holes. Rick’s parents are both alcoholics and he grew up being tossed between relatives, mostly raised by his Grandpa. I do not at all understand why he would think I would be okay with his behavior/lifestyle. Yeah, sad.

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  6. I live very close to Lake Erie and we have beautiful sunsets. I wouldn’t want to leave that house either! Portland is on my bucket list. I’ve been many places in CA but never to Oregon and Washington.
    And Rick is just creepy. I dont know what else to say about that…..

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yes, creepy for sure. There is a man I work with in his 50s who is forever trying to flirt with the young women associates. I find him annoying, but they refer to him as “a creeper.” I wish men like this could hear the things the young women say about them when they are not around.. OMG

      Liked by 3 people

      • When I was 19 I worked as a temporary for a trucking company in Phoenix (lovely, I know). Anyway, they stuck me in this room with about three days worth of filing. I was the first admin they had been able to hire and they kept me busy. The room I was in had no windows (no witnesses). It was really closed off and dreary so I worked as fast as I could to get that job done. This guy would come into the room, I was young, so not sure I was properly gauging his age, but I would say he was 40, wedding ring, pic of kids on his desk, etc… He did everything but physically molest me in that room. He was so very very creepy. I was downright rude to him and he seemed to like it. I was never scared, but completely disgusted. I complained to my bosses (two handsome 30-something blonde guys from Austin who had been brought in to turn the place around) and they just kind of chuckled and said yeah, we think that guy is creepy too!!! Okay, yeah guys, but you are not teenage girls, HELLO! Men!

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    • Do not come out to the Pacific Northwest without contacting me, please. I love my blogger friends and would love to hang out and show you around. I’ve never been to Lake Erie, but I can imagine the beauty. Our Portland house has sunrise views up over the mountain range, which can also be amazing, but I’m not usually up that early. BE’s comment after seeing this post was… those pictures are way too pretty for such a disgusting post, ha. Rick is, unfortunately, very creepy. xo

      Liked by 2 people

          • Well ladies, looks like I have some places to add to my list… maybe a road trip up there, but not this time of year, lol. I have never been up to that area. Would love to see Niagara Falls, Finger Lakes, Toronto, Lake Erie… all of it! ❤

            Liked by 1 person

            • Our summers are usually beautiful. This past one was amazing. Mother nature had to make up for all the snow she dumped on us last Christmas! There is so much to do in this area! All of those places are a few hours at most from where I live.

              Liked by 2 people

              • I’m sure the snow is beautiful too, and I’m sure you have proper infrastructure. Here in Portland if we get a little snow the whole city shuts down. I’m just not used to driving in it. But, summer, yes!!!

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              • Oh, I just looked at a map. My older son went to college at Oberlin in Oberlin, OH. Looks like you are not far from Cleveland. Funny, our son started at Oberlin in Fall 2010. There was quite a bit of snow that year. At the first snowfall he was all excited about the snow (we rarely get snow in Portland). The rest of the kids (mostly from the PA, NY, MA area) were like no, no, no. We don’t like snow in October. It never goes away. It gets gross and dirty and… don’t wish for snow. He came home at Christmas and said, “I no longer like snow.” ha.

                Liked by 2 people

  7. Aaaaaaaaargh 🤢🤮🤢. I would be exactly the same! So, we’re liberal women who understand free will, etc. Doesn’t make that power imbalance right.

    So weird he thought you would give him a leave pass! And WTAF with the awful thing he said to you. The dehumanisation of women. Both the ‘beautiful, young’ teens, and the mature wife. I wanna take a shower. Ewwwwwwww

    Liked by 2 people

    • Right? He doesn’t think he is doing anything wrong. What he said to me was just evil. He knows my whole story. How dare he compare a quickie with a woman who does the same thing with other men all day every day for money, and feels nothing for these men, with what I represent to my husband. Plus, he has no idea how great I am “in bed” with my 35 years of experience. Arsehole.

      Liked by 2 people

        • What I can’t compete with is a 20 year old body, and skin, but I’m so glad I don’t have to. No doubt, for the money, the girls chatted and pretended they liked him. He was paying for a month’s rent here, college tuition there. They know what they are doing. Honestly though, what a humiliating job. How do guys not care how many guys are using her… a lot of fantasy rationalizing going on.

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