January Camellias in Ojai Ten years since the phone call. Ten years of recovery and sobriety for Blue Eyes. Ten years of pain for me. The ten year anniversary of the phone call (8 days ago) was spent hiking to a snowy waterfall in Dunsmuir, CA and eating smash burgers with The Peacemaker, my forever … Continue reading It’s been 10 years….
addiction
Perfect husband
I’m sick, again. I have the worst immune system. It’s not covid, but a head cold that moved into my chest with a little bit of pneumonia thrown in. My boys are all down in Los Angeles with Grandpa. He’ll be on his own soon enough as we leave for our annual trip to Hawaii … Continue reading Perfect husband
Give me strength
A beautiful October morning in Portland I’m currently sitting on another plane heading down to Los Angeles. Blue Eyes was supposed to be the one on the plane. He was scheduled to be home for the weekend, to spend a little time in his own home, with me and The Peacemaker and his dog. I … Continue reading Give me strength
Abuse
I’m struggling with a sinus infection. I would like to be out in the garden planting my newly procured veggie starts, however, they will just have to wait a couple more days. The Peacemaker and I returned Sunday night from a month+ at our house in Ojai. This winter, Southern California ended its recent drought … Continue reading Abuse
9 years ago
I received a lovely message from a new commenter "Centered" on my last post and she reminded me that I did not post this year on or around the anniversary of discovery day of my husband's secret life. And you know what? I legitimately forgot the significance of that day, completely. And although this post … Continue reading 9 years ago
Do you wonder why I run away
This is really a post to my husband. A post out of utter frustration to my 8 1/2 years sober sex addict husband. I would talk to him face to face, but he’s too busy working, at 11:30pm. At diagnosis Blue Eyes acknowledged who and what he was and started on his recovery journey… a … Continue reading Do you wonder why I run away
Tired of pretending, Part Four
I spent all day Tuesday (7/20) running around picking up things for my sister who was still safely at the crisis center here in Portland at that point. Again, I didn’t want her spending the night out of a secure facility. I arrived at the crisis center Wednesday morning at about 10:30am. By 11:30am my … Continue reading Tired of pretending, Part Four
Tired of pretending: Part Three
Even though the internist who prescribed my sister all those meds appears to be a negligent idiot, she did have one good piece of advice for me. She told me to call and speak with my sister's social worker at the crisis center. Never having done this before, I didn't know my sister had a … Continue reading Tired of pretending: Part Three
Tired of pretending: Part Two
On the Saturday night that my sister was in the emergency room being stabilized, Blue Eyes, The Peacemaker and I went to her apartment and gathered all the prescription medication we could find. We went through everything in the apartment: drawers, pockets, cupboards, her hope chest, desks, tv cabinets. We looked inside boxes and handbags, … Continue reading Tired of pretending: Part Two
Tired of pretending: Part One
Thursday, July 22, 2021 (when I started this entry): It’s been one of those weeks. The past 30 hours feels like 30 days… Per usual, I have thought a lot about writing blog entries over the past couple months. I’ve even started a few. But they sit in the queue, unfinished. I’ve written before about … Continue reading Tired of pretending: Part One