Writing it out

Hydrangeas in my neglected garden.

Life in my world has become a bit complicated. Our business is in a state of reorganization and growth, that’s a good thing, but technically late in the game for us. I now have two rental houses that I am managing mostly as vacation rentals, completely by myself. Our beach house, it seems, is a special occasion venue for most who rent it. Next month alone we have 50th, 67th, and 70th birthday celebrations, a 47th wedding anniversary event, and an elopement with dinner for 10. I like to take gift baskets for first time renters, and bottles of champagne++ for special occasions.

We are also getting back into traveling more, and amongst all this, I gave up my painting studio and am feeling a bit, oh I don’t know, underwhelmed? I don’t really know how to describe it. I don’t have the energy I once did. I’m getting old and that’s not helping, I suppose. We have moved some furniture around in our Portland house and I will use a currently unused and emptied bedroom for my painting studio. I haven’t had the energy yet to get it all set up. I need to schedule myself into a fall class, but there is travel to contend with. It’s a conundrum. I suppose I should be happy I have so many choices in my life. A lot is going right, but that doesn’t seem to light a fire under me sometimes. The Peacemaker has suggested I get back to journaling. He thought getting back to the blog is a good idea (although he’s never read it, ha). Writing does fulfill something in me. I love how my kid encourages me in a positive way.

It has taken me some time to realize that that kid, my younger at 28 years old, isn’t leaving home any time soon. This sounds like something I read in a magazine article a few years back. Kids coming back home and not leaving. I think this scenario has been exacerbated by Covid. I have written here about both my boys. The older, The Pragmatist will be 31 in a couple weeks. He is struggling and has been since Covid lockdowns and everything that went along with that. He now splits his time between the city (NYC-Brooklyn, specifically) with his girlfriend, and upstate New York where he is helping a friend with their restaurant and also teaching college prep courses in art history++. He’s a busy guy, left home for college in 2010, and never looked back. On the other hand, our younger son left home to go to college in Maine in 2012, and by 2013 was back home for good. Not sure that says good things about my parenting skills, but my younger is a true Momma’s boy homebody, while the older is my “cats in the cradle” kid. Thankfully, however, the younger has matured past the vast majority of his anxiety, depression, and substance use issues. I guess it’s true what they say about some kids… it takes until about 26 years old or so before their brain function kicks in on all cylinders and they reach a maturity where they are able to manage their own life without blaming others (me). He is doing very well, getting his feet wet at our company while still maintaining his bachelor, acting like he has a trust fund-but he doesn’t have a trust fund-just parents who pay for everything-ways! Does that even make sense? I’m rambling here, but suffice to say, I love that my kid wants to live at home and work at our business and most of the time he’s a pleasure. I have more road trip blog posts in my future, but I will say that he was instrumental in getting our Ojai house rentable. He drove down with me (drove the U-Haul) in April, and by June we had refurbed the house and secured a 6-month renter, prepaid. Not the original plan, but we ran with it. I couldn’t have done it without him. As a mom, I’m just so very happy that he no longer struggles with anxiety and depression every day. And now that I realize he’s sort of with us to stay, I have learned to love it.

On the other hand, Blue Eyes and I lack some privacy, so we have decided that we need to consciously schedule in time for us. Since my blog post last month, Blue Eyes is making a greater effort to look within for answers to his anger and workaholism. He’s spending more quality time with me and although I have decided not to go with him to Japan next month and am sending The Peacemaker instead, we’ll carve out a little trip for us to get away. As it turns out, the beach house is currently not our getaway of choice as it is fully booked up with rentals. That’s okay as this will get us in a better financial position for retirement. Retirement has however become a word I really can’t say much around our new employees. They do not want to even contemplate Blue Eyes retiring any time soon. I get their point. It looks like I will be retiring before Blue Eyes, but I think we always knew that.

So, included in my mental health plan, is writing here more. Hopefully putting in time every day on my blog and my book will help me metabolize and release some of the internal turmoil holding me back from being more productive. While “the boys” are off to Asia, I also plan to do a purge and clean of our Portland house and finish setting up my painting studio. Daily sketching is on my agenda going forward. Even though it seems silly that I should need to schedule in things I actually enjoy doing, I am the kind of person who does what she has to do first, then what she wants to do, and now, as an adult, it doesn’t necessarily bring me much joy.

Today’s example (since I had worked some this past weekend): I had intended to clean up my dahlia garden, do necessary deadheading and pruning, pick the cherry tomatoes quickly ripening on the vine, check and re-program the irrigation system… but instead I ended up in the office in meetings.

Therefore, I am spending the last few minutes of the day writing in my blog (journal) and Blue Eyes has promised to help me in the garden when we get home.


6 thoughts on “Writing it out

    • Me too! He definitely heard and he’s trying. That’s important to me. He was modeled a level of workaholism that is so unhealthy. I wish he could see it the same way I do. The thing I hate is having to ask for a little time with my life partner, that doesn’t have anything to do with business. It sounds ridiculous but is unfortunately very real for me. 🤗❤️

      Liked by 2 people

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