Although my husband is a diagnosed sex addict, he is also a cheater. When I first found out about his cheating, I had no idea he was a sex addict or that such a thing was even real. There were a lot of revelations on his part over those first few days, and an obvious … Continue reading Betrayal doesn’t define me
childhood wounds
We all need a path out
The reason I know I cannot change my husband, I cannot make him better, I cannot heal him in any way, is because I have been here all along. If it was my job to heal him, I would have done it already. If my presence was enough to make him the man he wants … Continue reading We all need a path out
It still hurts
We are recently home from paradise. I returned from my six weeks of healthful living in North Carolina, spent one week at home seeing my own doctor and signing up for a local wellness center that offers all the fun classes I will want to take in order to preserve the exercise portion of my healthy lifestyle, … Continue reading It still hurts
I’m not good enough
Another long holiday weekend in the US has come and gone. For the past couple years I have been avoiding large get togethers with my family up north... I would call them the Mormon family, but many of them are no longer Mormon. At this point six of my father's nine children are not LDS. My … Continue reading I’m not good enough
A forever reminder
In a hotel room in Paris, I sat bolt upright in bed and gripped my left forearm with my right hand. There was a searing pain there on my arm. Whoa, I thought what the heck is going on. I know I had been having a nightmare, I was sweaty and disoriented, but I couldn't … Continue reading A forever reminder
There’s a cost to all the pain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI0Zye_ewPE I am still sick about the untimely death of Prince. As details emerge, it brings back a lot of the feelings from Michael Jackson's death and the pain and suffering of so many other talented musicians, and actors who died too young, it would seem, from merely trying to medicate their pain. Prince, Whitney … Continue reading There’s a cost to all the pain
On being an addict
Below is an old blog post Blue Eyes wrote while he was working on his fourth step. I thought I had read everything on his blog, but somehow I missed this. Honestly, I think this post speaks so very clearly to his struggle with being an addict. It was extremely difficult for me to read … Continue reading On being an addict
“The only winning move is not to play.”
When I think back to how things used to be, with Blue Eyes, it is difficult to remove the umbrella of pain and sadness and trauma that seems to hover over those memories. If I dig deep though, I know what we had was pretty great in the scheme of things. We had a long term loving relationship. … Continue reading “The only winning move is not to play.”
The only way out, is right on through
As previously mentioned, Blue Eyes had invited me to go with him to his weekly therapy appointment yesterday morning. We decided to organize our thoughts the night before, to make sure there was some semblance of order between us before unleashing our mess on The Shrink. I started to become frustrated as I felt like maybe my going … Continue reading The only way out, is right on through
The third year, part 2
I have this incredible ability these days to leave the shit mostly behind when I am not with Blue Eyes. I walked out the door Tuesday morning, and off to a fun day with a friend. We drove to the coast and visited the beach house property and had a delightful Whole30 compliant lunch within view of … Continue reading The third year, part 2
try not to cry on my rainbow 