Oh, geez. We made it to that Monday morning I was dreading and things aren't much better for me. Maybe I need to get out and get some exercise. I have been so tired lately, but today is the day to get off my ass and work out. Last night we went to a movie with … Continue reading Continuing to purge
12 step
Letting go of the dream
Ack. Why are Sundays so difficult for me? Maybe it is because I dread getting back into the weekly routine and I know Monday is right around the corner. Maybe I just hate the fact that we never get enough sleep because Blue Eyes' has a 12-step meeting at 7:00am on Monday mornings and he gets … Continue reading Letting go of the dream
On the plane home
We have had a string of really nice days together, me and Blue Eyes. Sweden was tough, so many triggers, but I do believe I have taken the country back. She no longer owns it. New York and seeing our older son was pretty amazing although it was so bleeping cold, geez with the windchill … Continue reading On the plane home
Too soon
I am on my last day in Salt Lake City without Blue Eyes. I pick him up at the airport tomorrow around lunch time. I have been here since Saturday. It was much more difficult than I could have imagined. Not the seeing my brother and his wife and their little family part. Not the holding … Continue reading Too soon
The year that felt like a lifetime
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” –author unknown An excerpt from the Sexaholics Anonymous 90 Days of Meditations (SA 2013) written by a recovering addict: SECRETS REVEAL SICKNESS I'm as … Continue reading The year that felt like a lifetime
Saving a marriage
Journal Entry: November 5, 2014 You know how they say a marriage can be better after an affair… Yeah, I thought it sounded like a bunch of bullshit to me too. Ten months ago I cried and screamed that there was no way my marriage could be saved, much less be better. Some days I … Continue reading Saving a marriage
Guest post: the sex addict speaks about his first step
Journal Entry: October 31, 2014 “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” -Maya Angelou Since my life has been somewhat of a horror show since January, I guess it is appropriate to have my husband join me on this Halloween evening and share some insight into his brain. This morning … Continue reading Guest post: the sex addict speaks about his first step
Yeah, let’s get this over with right now
Journal Entry: October 31, 2014 Later in the evening, after our disaster of a couple's therapy session, I had my husband call Chatty Kathy's office and leave a message telling her we were canceling our appointment for the following week and we would not be returning to her for counseling. Here is the transcript of … Continue reading Yeah, let’s get this over with right now
I need a place to hide
Journal Entry: October 6, 2014 It's been a while since I talked about therapy. A couple weeks ago I decided I was ready to be done with my individual work. Basically, I was going round and round with issues with communication with my husband. I communicate, he doesn't. Me continuing to communicate in therapy, by … Continue reading I need a place to hide
The Golden Rule
As I sit here in paradise, it is obvious to me that the trauma symptoms from betrayal know no bounds. It doesn't matter how gorgeous the weather, or how blue the ocean waters, or how vibrant the tropical flowers, or how amazing the view is from the bathtub in our room, trauma is here, permeating … Continue reading The Golden Rule
try not to cry on my rainbow 