“I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing … Continue reading And then jet lag happened
adultery
It’s not love. It’s safety I seek
Journal Entry: January 18, 2015 My husband loves me. I know he does. I know he always has. That is not what scares me. On our last day in Tokyo, we had afternoon tea with GQ, his wife, and the little ray of sunshine. Then we walked them to Tokyo Station and said good-bye. We … Continue reading It’s not love. It’s safety I seek
What I wish he had said
"Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process." -Anne Wilson Schaef Journal Entry: January 16, 2015 A couple months ago I asked my husband to write something about his first step that I could post on my blog. He hemmed and hawed and procrastinated and eventually wrote something, and then … Continue reading What I wish he had said
How do I know it isn’t real, part two
Journal Entry, Cont’d: January 15, 2015 The story of Camilla: Winter 2005, Blue Eyes was feeling like shit. His relationship with his family was on a serious downward slide. I was incredibly busy with our kids and my volunteer work. At the time, he was managing four start-up businesses with all the stress that goes … Continue reading How do I know it isn’t real, part two
How do I know it isn’t real, part one
I have been working on this journal entry/post for days now. It has been incredibly difficult for me, and my husband. I suffered numerous bouts of trauma and some self harm while we were in Japan. We are home now and my arm looks like a tiger got it. I hate when I get in that … Continue reading How do I know it isn’t real, part one
We are all just players in his game
Journal Entry: January 12, 2015 Logging in and out of WordPress in Japanese, it's pretty cool. Living with a recovering sex addict really sucks. I can see them all, all the personalities that reside in him and represent the healthy and unhealthy bits. He cannot see them, or feel them. He is working on it, … Continue reading We are all just players in his game
Who killed Bambi’s mother
Journal Entry: January 9, 2015 We arrived Narita airport at approximately 2:30 this afternoon, Japan time. The flight was relatively uneventful. The stalker whore was not on the plane, not that I know of anyway. We exited the plane, quickly navigated immigration and customs, and headed to the Japan Rail office to change the train … Continue reading Who killed Bambi’s mother
Another dark road, part two
Hello All. Well, this is it, January 11. I have reached the one year anniversary of discovery day. In about eight hours, it will be the exact moment one year ago today that a delusional woman called me on my mobile phone and informed me that she had been having sex with my husband for … Continue reading Another dark road, part two
Another dark road, part one
As I sit here in trigger "happy" Tokyo, I decided I would post this entry from back in Hawaii in December. My words then represent some of my feelings as I sit here in a place where my husband traveled with his affair partner three times over a period of four years. I am journaling, … Continue reading Another dark road, part one
Balancing out a dysfunctional marriage
Journal Entry: November 24, 2014 Once we knew therapy was ending with Chatty Kathy, both my husband and I talked about the fact that we NEEDED to find a new couple's counselor, right away. I no longer go to individual therapy, and my husband is still very much trying to tackle the recovery process. When Blue … Continue reading Balancing out a dysfunctional marriage
try not to cry on my rainbow 