Another long holiday weekend in the US has come and gone. For the past couple years I have been avoiding large get togethers with my family up north... I would call them the Mormon family, but many of them are no longer Mormon. At this point six of my father's nine children are not LDS. My … Continue reading I’m not good enough
betrayal
Therapy is nice…
So, I think I am at this place. The place where I can get past those horrible, frustrating, triggering, and often times painful moments without more therapy. At least for now. I cancelled my last two therapy appointments. I just wasn't feeling it. But, never say never, right? A couple things I love about the … Continue reading Therapy is nice…
Fight for me already
Look Toward The Light I chose to marry Blue Eyes in part because he is a sweet, kind, loving, passionate, generous, vulnerable human. All of those attributes are still very much a part of him. They never left him. There were just so many hidden traits working against him, tugging at his ability to be a really … Continue reading Fight for me already
The third year, part 1
On December 11, 2015, Blue Eyes commenced his third year of sobriety. Last week marked the beginning of year three of recovery for me and Blue Eyes individually, and for our marriage. Last night we discussed this morning's schedule. Blue Eyes would go to his 7:00am meeting with a friend and to the one-hour fellowship after. The friend would … Continue reading The third year, part 1
What was he thinking
Somehow my exercise playlist on my iPhone disappeared. It probably happened with a recent update. I have always had trouble with iTunes. I had already started up the elliptical when I realized I didn't have a decent playlist to listen to. I set the thing to shuffle. As I was winding down my 35 minute … Continue reading What was he thinking
Worth fighting for
Just about 20 months ago I received trauma therapy in Los Angeles. The particular psychotherapist I visited specializes in working with developmental, relational, and shock trauma. From her website, "she is a specialist in the Sex Addiction-Induced Trauma Model and she is trained to work with the addict, the spouse, and the couple. She is also … Continue reading Worth fighting for
Looking back, just like any other day
I am moving right past the fact that this is it, right now, as I type this, the two year anniversary of the discovery day phone call. Blue Eyes did write me a beautiful and loving thank you note acknowledging that he knows what this day represents to me and that he is grateful for everything … Continue reading Looking back, just like any other day
Looking back, part two
While glancing back through 2015 posts, something else popped out at me and that was the fact that early on I still obsessed about the sex my husband had with the other woman. And even after I fully metabolized how unimportant those sex acts were in the scheme of things, I still focused on being able … Continue reading Looking back, part two
I will never tell him I forgive him
I have read a couple betrayed spouse posts recently, as well as an article or two, on the subject of forgiveness. I have also heard the phrase, "I will never forgive him," quite a few times. I am pretty specifically focusing on betrayed spouses forgiving their cheating spouses. Although I have mentioned forgiveness a few times on my … Continue reading I will never tell him I forgive him
Seeking happiness
Even after all I have shared here, I consider this post to be one of the most difficult to write. This blog entry is being prompted by current happenings in our little family, and also by blogs and other articles I have read over the past two years, some as recently as yesterday. Our younger son … Continue reading Seeking happiness
try not to cry on my rainbow 