Looking back, just like any other day

I am moving right past the fact that this is it, right now, as I type this, the two year anniversary of the discovery day phone call. Blue Eyes did write me a beautiful and loving thank you note acknowledging that he knows what this day represents to me and that he is grateful for everything I do for him and with him and he knows how much I love him despite what has transpired and he loves me dearly, too. And on that note, I am blowing right on by any negative significance of this day. It’s just another day, like any other day…

Finally, after another pretty tumultuous year, the last thing I noticed, glaring me right in the face as I shuffled through those many many 2015 blog entries, was that I had made some health goals. Very general health goals, but they were there. Blue Eyes and I made it through 26 days of the Whole30 program in March/April, while traveling many of the days, mind you, and I lost 8 pounds. I was trying to remember why we stopped suddenly, so close to the finish line, and then I remembered Blue Eyes was hospitalized during that time. I was never able to officially quantify whether the eating plan significantly impacted my “numbers,” and we did have a couple cheat days, but I know I felt good. I know at the time my blood pressure was wildly inconsistent, but there are dozens of factors affecting the BP, namely, STRESS. My blood glucose numbers overall were better than they are now as the doc contemplates what to do next with the medication (which I abhor taking).

So, after a family pow wow, the three of us have decided to give the Whole30 another go round. It is that time of year again. Time to get my act together and lose that next 20 pounds, focusing on whole fresh foods sans preservatives, added sugars, breads, pastas, rice, legumes, etc… I wish it wasn’t about weight and the scale and all that, but weighing myself is a way to quantify progress towards eliminating the fat that makes it more difficult for my body to metabolize food. We are doing so much better now. Things are calmer, less traumatic, less stressful. I feel a whole lot better physically this year than I did last year at this time even though we spent the past month or so gorging on comfort foods. The stress was really the greatest contributing factor to my poor health last year and I am not going to let the stress win.

I won’t bore you with all the numbers, but suffice it to say, today is day 1 of 30. Over this past weekend, we finished off all the breads and dairy hanging around the fridge and cupboards. Last night while Blue Eyes was at his first Buddhist Sangha meeting since surgery, The Peacemaker and I hit Whole Foods. Later in the eve, we contemplated our last opportunity to have a “real” dessert for 30 days, and we realized, we don’t really have dessert in our house. Realizing it at the 11th hour was a bit of a bummer, but I think we had done a good job of only making or bringing in treats we could consume in a day or so. That is progress. Today I will clean out the rest of the pantry, fridge, and freezer.

This morning as I was preparing to make our first breakfast (we got up late today), I had planned steak, eggs, and veggies, The Peacemaker sent me a text saying he and a couple buddies had just finished a wet, cold trail run and were heading back to the house… did we have anything they could eat? Of course I told him yes, we always have food for hungry “kids” at our house and then I set about using the four chicken breasts I had poached for lunch and I made a big bowl of chicken avocado salad. I grabbed a head of lettuce and some additional crisp veggies and pulled the pitas out of the freezer for the bread eaters. I thinly sliced the steak and sautéed with the veggies and boiled up some potatoes on the side. It looked like enough food for an army, but when all was said and done, the food is gone. Tonight I am preparing Thai halibut soup and a fresh spinach salad.

I have also, finally, called our local yoga studio, walking distance to our house, and signed up for a beginner’s class. Yay me!

It’s just another day, like any other day… and it has been a good one so far!

11 thoughts on “Looking back, just like any other day

  1. Simply. Amazing. What a testament to putting the work into yourself first. If you based your healing on his behavior you would still be stuck on this day two years ago. I absolutely love how inspiring you are. I think what is important to remember is how much growth you’ve experienced. How much work you’ve put in to get here. I was thinking, “Wow. I hope that this September when my two year d-day hits I hope to have this attitude.”. Then I reminded myself that you didn’t get here by hoping. You got here by rolling up your sleeves and getting dirty. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you had such a good day.

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    • Thank you, hoping. Somehow, in this mess, a near stranger’s words (although I feel like we are all part of a close band of sisters) can be so comforting and validating during this process. Words like yours remind me of one of the most valuable aspects of this blog. I do believe that understanding and BELIEVING that we are bigger and stronger than our partner’s behavior and as individuals, we come first, before our marriage, is crucial to truly healing. You are getting stronger. The trauma takes a while to overcome, but you do get to own your positive attitude! I received such amazing therapy about six months in, but it took more than a year for it to really sink in! xoxo ❤

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  2. Go Kat! You can do it and you will feel amazing for doing so…..handstands in no time! 💆 it’s hard to ignore the ‘anniversary’ it always seems to be omnipresent but it looks like you do an amazing job of getting on with it.

    ‘When I’m in yoga class, and I’m in the Tree Pose, I always pretend I’m the Tree of Knowledge. To help further the fantasy I come to class with my yoga shorts stuffed with two apples.’
    – Jarod Kintz
    😘

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    • Very cute quote! I am looking forward to Saturday! Right now mentally weaning myself off the bread and sugar. 😣 Yeah, I’m doing fine despite the fact that I opened the blinds this morning at 8:00am and it was still DARK! Ick. The rest of that stuff is becoming a distant memory. xoxo

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  3. Namaste Kat. Meaning the goodness in me sees the goodness in you. What is commonly said at the end of a yoga class. Can’t wait !!!! By sat you will be feeling much better too with the whole food that is soooo good for you. Awesome work my lovely Kat!!!!! Xxxxxx

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    • I swear I responded to this??? Or I’m going crazy??? Thank you so much for your very loving and encouraging message, CF. I know the yoga will only help to solidify the good feelings brewing inside. More than a week in now on the eating plan and feeling great! Thanks for being an inspiration!!! xoxo ❤

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  4. YAY YOU!!! A bigger victory that you are giving credit, CR!!! This was a smashingly bad day, and now it is a beautiful day, because you made it so. It is now a day about commitment and care and compassion (well done, Blue Eyes) and health and wellness and choosing…CHOOSING…good things. I’m jumping up and down with you. HUGS!

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    • Thank you! 🙂 Yeah, I didn’t want to give this day any more negative energy, so I figured focusing on what I am doing in my life, today, would help me do that. My d-day was a true, honest to goodness, devastating one day event. I received a phone call from a woman I had never met and she blew my world apart. The trickle truth that came after from my husband did take a few months, to get everything out, but the basic outline of the story was all out there on that day. He was not with her anymore. He didn’t love her, but he did spend 8 years going back to her. I had no idea she existed. There were no second or third d-days and I am totally grateful for that, but that does put a lot of significance on this one day. I don’t want it to have that kind of power any more. I picture us jumping up and down together in my head, SS, jumping for joy that betrayal isn’t going to beat us!!! Hugs back. xoxo

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