Just about 20 months ago I received trauma therapy in Los Angeles. The particular psychotherapist I visited specializes in working with developmental, relational, and shock trauma. From her website, "she is a specialist in the Sex Addiction-Induced Trauma Model and she is trained to work with the addict, the spouse, and the couple. She is also … Continue reading Worth fighting for
CPTSD
I did it
I made it through that fucking colonoscopy like a champion. Ha, I am patting myself on the back, obviously, for something thousands of people do every single day without complaining. A routine procedure, if you will. The thing is though, I never realized before how toxic trauma can really be. I never realized simple fears could … Continue reading I did it
Revisiting my story
The story in my head plays out. I am a happily married 50-year old woman with two amazing and mostly grown sons. My husband and I have been best friends and partners for 30 years. We share everything. We are passionate, loving, kind, and show each other mutual respect, until I realize, one of us … Continue reading Revisiting my story
I hate effing roller coasters
Sorry, I don't meet the height requirement to ride your emotional roller coaster. I have been having some lovely conversations lately with a couple of betrayed spouse blogger friends. I really do cherish these relationships... I'm pretty sure they know that, because I tell them all the time. As we all struggle through, with very … Continue reading I hate effing roller coasters
Revisiting empathy
Playing with color: An interpretation of my view, 16" x 20", oil on canvas Progress not perfection, is a running theme around our house. A conversation amongst betrayed spouses this morning regarding empathy made me think of, well, a bunch of my blog entries, but specifically this one: And then it all went to s*%t. That … Continue reading Revisiting empathy
The awakening
Photo credit: photoguy777.deviantart.com/art/Pink-Rose A few days ago I was looking for some paperwork I had carelessly tossed somewhere at some point probably as much as two years ago, and in that process I opened the upper left hand drawer of my desk. Inside that drawer is a desperate and depraved accounting of the first few … Continue reading The awakening
Showers
As I stood in the shower this morning, going about the usual routine of washing and conditioning my hair, cleansing my body, shaving my legs, activities that don't require much thought, I realized in my mind I was planning the day ahead. I was thinking about what was on the schedule. I had spoken to … Continue reading Showers
The good news, or the bad news?
What would you like first? Well, I have chosen to go with the bad first. The good will come next. I always choose bad news first, when given a choice. We returned last night from our five day anniversary trip to Victoria, British Columbia. On the trip, a couple of things were obvious. First, I … Continue reading The good news, or the bad news?
At the end of the day…
I never thought I would be sharing these words. As a matter of fact, 19 months ago I would not have said I had ever been stabbed in the back. But, in fact, I have. I have been lied to and betrayed and left to heal alone by the person I relied on most for safety and security. … Continue reading At the end of the day…
Sleep is a treasured commodity
The weather has cooled a bit here and the blue sky is covered in clouds. Unfortunately the clouds will not bring the much needed rain to naturally water our parched plants. We haven't had a cloudy day in weeks. It's okay, but rain would be excellent. I have started my cherry blossom painting with my … Continue reading Sleep is a treasured commodity
try not to cry on my rainbow 