I'm going to give myself closure on the discussion of Blue Eyes' fifth step. It's time to put the whole thing to bed. As I was nearly done with my blog entry late yesterday afternoon, Blue Eyes returned from his sponsor's house. There was no text when he left the guy's house. Leaving texts or calling … Continue reading A chance at happily ever after
love after betrayal
Why I stay
I have seen this saying floating around the web for a while, and I like it for the sole reason that it makes me think. It speaks to the question of whether people can change, or not. I don't think who we "really" are is a stagnant concept. I don't believe we come into this world … Continue reading Why I stay
A desperate need for structure
As previously mentioned, a separation period has been discussed. I had suggested starting with three months. When Blue Eyes asked me when I wanted to start the separation I said, "I don't." He seemed confused. I explained to him that when I spoke of a separation, I wanted him to know how I thought it would … Continue reading A desperate need for structure
“I know how difficult it must be…”
UGH. So what I really wanted to be doing while Blue Eyes is at his weekly Buddhist Meditation Meeting is writing another post about Paris, or even writing a post about how wonderful the recipe turned out that I tried for dinner tonight. The plantain tostadas with chipotle ranchero sauce, cilantro citrus marinated chicken, guacamole, … Continue reading “I know how difficult it must be…”
Caught between
Two days ago I climbed into my beautiful car, slid onto the soft supple leather seat, started the engine--listened to it purr, and backed out of our garage. Not sure if I have ever mentioned how much I love my car. I am not an avid "car person." I have always chosen very practical vehicles. Cars that … Continue reading Caught between
Another dark road, part two
Hello All. Well, this is it, January 11. I have reached the one year anniversary of discovery day. In about eight hours, it will be the exact moment one year ago today that a delusional woman called me on my mobile phone and informed me that she had been having sex with my husband for … Continue reading Another dark road, part two
I watched him sleep
Journal Entry: November 7, 2014 "One foot in front of the other. Keep breathing just like they taught you. You politely ask to take a walk with me. I would have married you there underneath the trees. Is it real, this thing? Is it real, ooooh, this thing? When you sleep. I could make you … Continue reading I watched him sleep
Saving a marriage
Journal Entry: November 5, 2014 You know how they say a marriage can be better after an affair… Yeah, I thought it sounded like a bunch of bullshit to me too. Ten months ago I cried and screamed that there was no way my marriage could be saved, much less be better. Some days I … Continue reading Saving a marriage
The self-cleaning vagina
Journal Entry: September 19, 2014 Last year my menstrual cycle started going all wacky. I missed periods then had a cycle twice one month. I’m pretty sure I’m heading into (or hopefully out of) menopause. I was also getting increased irritation and infections from the condoms we use. It seems we have tried them all, … Continue reading The self-cleaning vagina
The Golden Rule
As I sit here in paradise, it is obvious to me that the trauma symptoms from betrayal know no bounds. It doesn't matter how gorgeous the weather, or how blue the ocean waters, or how vibrant the tropical flowers, or how amazing the view is from the bathtub in our room, trauma is here, permeating … Continue reading The Golden Rule
try not to cry on my rainbow 