Journal Entry: September 19, 2014
Last year my menstrual cycle started going all wacky. I missed periods then had a cycle twice one month. I’m pretty sure I’m heading into (or hopefully out of) menopause. I was also getting increased irritation and infections from the condoms we use. It seems we have tried them all, and they all irritate me. I have sensitive skin, etc… My husband and I have used condoms since I was in my early 20’s. Birth control pills made me sick to my stomach. I tried them a couple different times in the 80’s and the second time I lost 20 pounds from being sick to my stomach all day. The only reason I stayed on them at all was because we were living in Japan and I had brought with me a year’s supply. Figuring out birth control options in a foreign country didn’t seem too appealing. Now, I’m all for a quick weight loss program, but not one that makes me sick all day. When I left Japan, I left my husband (then fiancé) there, so no need for birth control for a while. I went off the pill and immediately felt better.
Late last year I decided to discuss the birth control situation with my doctor. We talked briefly about options. She suggested I wait and see if indeed I was going through menopause and maybe the whole thing would take care of itself. In the meantime, I was just really ready to be done with the condoms. They have also always been a problem. We actually have a 23-year-old son that can, honestly, be attributed to a broken condom. Really, the only time I was happy that we had been using condoms all these years was when I found out about my husband’s infidelity and the fact that he has had unprotected sex dozens of times with his eight year affair partner. Nope, I do not understand why people do not use condoms while having affairs with people they don’t actually really know all that well. I guess once you are doing one stupid thing you figure, hell, why not do a bunch of stupid stuff???
After dday, and after the STD tests came back clean, I decided I would try birth control pills for the first time in 24 years. My husband claimed that using the condoms all those years had never bothered him, which I believe, but I also know that having sex without condoms was also quite appealing since he was willing to put his life on the line for unprotected sex. Anyway, my doctor prescribed me Progestin-only pills. I have been on them for seven months and it has been a weird ride. They do not cause me any side effects, but my periods are wildly unpredictable. I don’t know if this is due to the pill, or the menopause, or the trauma. I do know that I have gone a couple months here and there without a period and have spent some money on pregnancy tests. I am not going to do that anymore since they always, and thankfully, come back negative. If I don’t finish going through menopause soon, I am going to suggest a vasectomy for my husband. The last thing I want to do is go back to condoms. Well, actually, the very last thing I want is another child. So we do still need to be careful.
Anyway… back to the reason for this entry. As mentioned previously, over the past eight months, I have grilled my husband relentlessly about his 15 years of cheating. So many questions have been asked, and for the most part, answered. I asked him if he used condoms with the first two acting out partners. He answered with an emphatic, “yes.” They were of child bearing age. With the third, he admitted that she pretty easily talked him into abandoning the condoms. I am sure she thought she had something pretty good going on there as, no doubt, he told her that he had to use condoms with me. So, during one of my interrogations, I asked him what she used for lube. How she cleaned up after herself. I mean, he was ejaculating into her… all the time, apparently, especially when they were on trips, “doing it” at least a couple times a day/night. That’s a lot of sperm and lube and stuff. Where did it come from, and where did it go? I asked him these questions as I stuffed towels into my night table for use after sex. A new way of life for me now. I mean, for years, all we needed were a couple tissues. Condoms are easy that way, no muss no fuss. I asked him, point blank… she’s an older lady who has gone through menopause, supposedly. For most women, things start drying up. They would have sexual intercourse within minutes of him arriving at her house, or of arriving at the hotel room together. How did she prepare? What did she do to get ready? Did she leave after sex to clean up in the bathroom? Where did the cum go? For the most part, I was curious. This is new to me, this dripping and leaking and making a mess. There is no need for lube with the condoms. All of the sudden, we’re not buying expensive condoms, but we are buying expensive lube. I am also very sensitive to lubricants, apparently. Ugh. I asked what kind of lube she used and if he had liked it. Did it have a scent? Did she ever get infections? Did she have a unique odor. I mean, I can pepper a guy with questions like nobody else.
Well, you want to know his answers to ALL of my questions… He doesn’t have any idea. He never purchased lube. He never noticed any scents or odors. He never had anything to do with preparation. She arrived to the scene (of the crime, in my mind) completely ready to go. There was never a problem “getting it in.” He never noticed when or whether she cleaned herself up. He never noticed her going into the bathroom. He said he just wiped himself off with his underwear and went to sleep, if they were traveling. Or if it was at her house, he cleaned himself (for obvious reasons).
So, I have deduced that the best fucking thing about my husband’s eight year affair partner: SHE HAS A FUCKING SELF LUBRICATING, SELF CLEANING VAGINA.
I fucking want one of those!