Even though I feel stronger than I did a year ago, stronger as a person and stronger in my marriage, I am not sure I will ever be able to go through an entire day without some reference to the hell my husband has put me through. On Valentine’s Day afternoon, our dogs would not … Continue reading It started on Valentine’s Day
paranoia
The Reconnaissance Mission
Journal Entry: July 6, 2014 I read somewhere that being a mistress felt like being a weed in someone else's rose garden, and that makes total sense to me! Since my husband has known the old alcoholic whore for what is now nine years, he is pretty aware of her schedule. He did not spend … Continue reading The Reconnaissance Mission
Saying Good-bye
Journal Entry: June 20, 2014 I received a call yesterday from The Director of the Institute in Los Angeles that specializes in sex addiction treatment. I have met him once before, at my first trauma intensive appointment last month in Los Angeles. He's a pretty entertaining and charismatic guy, when he wants to be. He will … Continue reading Saying Good-bye
Joy will burn out the pain.
Journal Entry: May 27, 2014 At the very top of my list of things that give me joy, are my children. Without hesitation, they are the best gifts I have ever been given. I just returned from my older son's college graduation. He will be called The Pragmatist. In the end, The Pragmatist not only … Continue reading Joy will burn out the pain.
Another one bites the dust
Journal Entry: May 20, 2014 Part of our plan after leaving Los Angeles last week was to meet with both my husband’s therapist (here forward called The Quack) and my local therapist, as a couple, to discuss how best to handle our son’s graduation, and our interactions with the in-laws. I honestly never wanted to … Continue reading Another one bites the dust
And the rest of the weekend went like this
Journal Entry: Mother's Day, May 11, 2014 After zero hours of sleep and with all the pain relievers worn off, what is left is a long ugly cut on my arm covered in dried blood and sixteen big black stitches, and a whole lot of pain. A forever reminder of my husband’s betrayal. We had … Continue reading And the rest of the weekend went like this
I fall apart
Journal Entry: May 1, 2014 It’s a beautiful first of May day, sunny and warm. My birthday is in May and I have always been partial to the month. May and September are my favorites. Although some little blossoms show themselves in March and April, everything blooms in earnest in May. My new therapist’s office … Continue reading I fall apart
triggers and glimmers
Journal Entry: February 2, 2014 We got on a plane together for the first time since I found out my husband has been cheating for 15 years and taking his mistress on business trips for the past 5 years. I asked him how he was able to take his mistress on ten trips over the past … Continue reading triggers and glimmers
try not to cry on my rainbow 