Journal Entry: May 22, 2014 I’m having a shitty evening. On our way to dinner, my mobile phone was ringing in my purse. I dug it out and there she was, the whore, calling me again. Honestly, I know this woman was needy and empty and my husband pursued sex with her and if it … Continue reading Put it all in a box and hide it away
PTSD
Day Two: Can we fix this mess?
Journal Entry: May 16, 2014 I sent this message to my friend during my lunch break: Hi D. I am killing time since I have a 1 hour and 40 min break with no place really to go except the bed bath and beyond across the street, or the sundry shop in the lobby (that … Continue reading Day Two: Can we fix this mess?
Day One: How did I get here?
Journal Entry: May 15, 2014 Message to D: I am looking forward to my session today. I have high hopes. Yesterday was a great day even with airports and airplanes. I did fine. My birthday dinner was fabulous, one of my favorite restaurants. We had a rough morning, unfortunately, but B is at a "meeting" … Continue reading Day One: How did I get here?
You can’t always get what you want…
Journal Entry: May 14, 2014 Today is my birthday. Ah, it would have been way too easy to quote THAT song. Other than Facebook and phone calls, I received most of my birthday wishes and presents a few days ago, on Mother’s Day. That’s usually the way it goes in our family when your birthday falls … Continue reading You can’t always get what you want…
I did not leave tonight
Journal Entry: May 10, 2014 "It's not the load that breaks you, it's the way you carry it." -Lena Horne Days have gone by since I have written in my journal. This is not a good sign. I knew this day would arrive eventually. I’m pretty sure it will go down as the second most destructive … Continue reading I did not leave tonight
I fall apart
Journal Entry: May 1, 2014 It’s a beautiful first of May day, sunny and warm. My birthday is in May and I have always been partial to the month. May and September are my favorites. Although some little blossoms show themselves in March and April, everything blooms in earnest in May. My new therapist’s office … Continue reading I fall apart
The darkness
Journal Entry: April 27, 2014 “I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind” -Edgar Allen Poe Every day I try and trudge through the monotony of my new existence. Every day I feel the same feelings of despair and loneliness. I am making some progress. Many times I am able … Continue reading The darkness
Today I want to gut the bitch
Journal Entry: April 23, 2014 Warning: this is a venting post. I do not normally just vent with all the words and hate that go along with that, but today, today I need this. This is going to be a full on rant. I have to get it OUT!!! I feel better already. As my … Continue reading Today I want to gut the bitch
Am I losing my mind
Journal Entry: April 22, 2014 I have been feeling increasingly anxious and depressed lately and I am not really loving my therapist. Some days I feel like I am living inside someone else's head, someone else's life. My husband has found a clinic in Southern California that specializes in the sex addiction-induced trauma model for … Continue reading Am I losing my mind
I am alone.
Journal Entry: April 21, 2014 What to do with myself? I never thought much about it four months ago. My husband traveled a lot over the past 20 years. I was alone a lot. For years I had the boys. They were the best company. I love them with everything that I am and have … Continue reading I am alone.
try not to cry on my rainbow 