I hesitated before writing this. Not because the recent news isn’t tragic (it is) but because stories like this carry a weight that doesn’t need to … Sometimes There Are No Hollywood Endings I’m linking this blog post here because I really enjoy reading this man’s words, and I appreciate his perspective in light of … Continue reading Sometimes There Are No Hollywood Endings
survival after addiction
Trust shouldn’t be a compromise
From somewhere on the internet I pretty much agree with the above and realizing hindsight is 20/20, I have to say before dday I trusted Blue Eyes with what I consider the big stuff… I trusted he would be faithful, and be there for me when I was going through a hard time, sorta, generally … Continue reading Trust shouldn’t be a compromise
I’m a reflection
New artwork for the beach house master bedroom Sometimes I sit and wonder if it’s me. But then I quickly realize it isn’t. I didn’t create this horrid situation in our marriage. I’m not to blame for the bad shit that transpired. It’s a trick and a trap that those of us who care about … Continue reading I’m a reflection
It’s okay to feel really bad some days
I’m giving myself permission to feel really shitty today. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I want more happiness in my life. The tears are welling up in the corners of my eyes right now, threatening to spill over, and it’s okay. My chest is tight. I feel like I want to run away. I’m in … Continue reading It’s okay to feel really bad some days
Finding my place to land
I’m not sure what’s going on with me or why writing hasn’t been a priority in my life, but alas, I am back and with the goal of writing more often because, I do enjoy it. I meant to do this post yesterday, and the day before, and nearly every day before that for…. months? … Continue reading Finding my place to land
Tired of pretending, Part Four
I spent all day Tuesday (7/20) running around picking up things for my sister who was still safely at the crisis center here in Portland at that point. Again, I didn’t want her spending the night out of a secure facility. I arrived at the crisis center Wednesday morning at about 10:30am. By 11:30am my … Continue reading Tired of pretending, Part Four
Tired of pretending: Part Three
Even though the internist who prescribed my sister all those meds appears to be a negligent idiot, she did have one good piece of advice for me. She told me to call and speak with my sister's social worker at the crisis center. Never having done this before, I didn't know my sister had a … Continue reading Tired of pretending: Part Three
Not buying the bullshit
That beach house. Last night we had a heated family discussion about our leaky master bedroom fireplace at the beach house. It has not been properly dealt with and when storms blow, rain gets in. It’s not like it floods the place, and the floors are concrete, but the surround is a beautiful custom steel … Continue reading Not buying the bullshit
Purging
Since Blue Eyes reconnected with his parents in December, I have not had any contact with them other than the one dinner in Los Angeles. This is a good thing for me. Blue Eyes tells me they are quite often these days sending him messages asking about Portland. They express disgust with what is theoretically … Continue reading Purging
A burning desire
Yep, it’s true. Let that fire inside burn! 🔥 I made it to Japan where triggers abound, but they can’t get me anymore. I’ve built a wall of strength around me. It took a few years, but I won. I’ve already got a bit of jet lag, which usually makes me loopy and somewhat ungrounded, … Continue reading A burning desire
try not to cry on my rainbow 