I’m not sure what’s going on with me or why writing hasn’t been a priority in my life, but alas, I am back and with the goal of writing more often because, I do enjoy it.
I meant to do this post yesterday, and the day before, and nearly every day before that for…. months?
This post is not and never was going to be about discovery of my husband’s secret life, and it really won’t be, but I just scheduled an online credit card payment and when it showed as posted on January 11th, today being January 11th, I can’t NOT mention it. Today is anniversary #8 of the day a woman called my phone to let me know she had been in a long term relationship with my husband, traveled the world with him, yada yada yada, YAWN! I was shocked and saddened then, now, I’m over it.
It took a while, but I rarely think of that woman anymore. I do think about my husband’s sex addiction, but in the context of who he is, my partner of the past nearly 38 years, a dyslexic, attention deficit, disorganized, ungrounded, sex addict who also happens to be intelligent, funny, interesting, talented, driven, and mostly loving and kind. How he treats me matters, a lot, but his sex addiction is his burden to carry, not mine.
So back to my regularly scheduled programming. When I last wrote I was a few days into reminiscing a very lovely birthday road trip Blue Eyes and I took back in May. I plan to finish that recap in my next post. It’s time to move along, because I just completed a very similar road trip and I am now, very blissfully I might add, enjoying a month long sojourn in my happy place: Ojai, California. I want to retire here and am currently plotting how to make that happen! I’m renting an inexpensive, adorable little airbnb bungalow studio in a very quiet part of town. To be real though, the whole town is lovely and peaceful full of parks and citrus orchards and horse ranches, surrounded by beautiful mountains and yet about 20 minutes from the Pacific Ocean. Did I mention the weather? 70+ degrees and sunny, every day, in January!
I’m drawing, and painting, and writing, and hiking, and enjoying my “me” time. Technically this was all Blue Eyes’ idea, and it was a fantastic idea! My regular life is all waiting for me back in Portland. This is just a little taste of where I want to land one of these days!
try not to cry on my rainbow 
😁
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Nice 😉
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I came upon this blog when I searched “Why S-anon can be harmful to betrayed partners”. I read your October 2017 post and commented that it echoed my thoughts exactly. This blog is truly a breath of fresh air. I like that I see SAs have posted on it, too. Good, I’m glad to see people learning and growing.
My D-day was 29 & 1/2 mos. ago. My husband was not honest with himself or anyone else for the first year after discovery. Fortunately, I read and researched a LOT during that time of utter devastation. When he finally came clean I had to readjust, but I’d already learned so much I felt I was turning the Titanic, but at least it hadn’t capsized.
He’s doing his work and I’m doing mine and we’re walking this road together. This is journey I certainly didn’t want, but am thankful for it nonetheless. No one should have to live trapped in a secret life of torment and lies feeling no one could love them if “they knew”.
Has it been easy? I scream “HECK NO!” Have we gone through a few therapists? Absolutely! Did I want to leave? More than once my bag was packed, but somehow I remembered the man I’d fallen in love with. He had become trapped in there too frightened to come out. He’s getting his courage back. He’s so sweet and kind hearted. I can see how his spirit was damaged by emotional, verbal and physical abuse. We’re growing closer everyday as he learns to trust and know that he really is lovable.
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It sounds like our stories and feelings are similar. It’s so important to know there are others out here that understand all the emotions. We all do need to keep learning and growing. 🤗
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YES! Yes, it is VITALLY important. There’ve been many times I had to stop and pray, as I wondered if I was the one who was crazy, or is it these misguided “experts” who don’t have a clue? But, once I’m centered again, the truth is clear.
I will be married 38 years this June. My therapist often reminds me “God will restore what the locusts have eaten. God is truth and love.” Truth and loyalty have always been extremely important to me, even when I was a little girl. I’m learning to walk this life journey knowing others don’t prioritize my core values, and it’s my choice how much space I give them.😊
I feel blessed and validated to have found your blog. I appreciate seeing your God-given talents expressed so beautifully. My soul and spirit are refreshed. Thank you.
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Thank you for such a lovely comment. I look forward to hearing from you again regarding your journey to healing. I know the comments are very helpful to others!
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So nice to know you’re still in your happy emotional place! I have missed you too. Today is my 43rd wedding anniversary and we are off on an adventure. Six years post D-day and life is so much better than I ever imagined it might be. Your honest blog supported my own emotional health and healing. Please don’t ever stop💗. Enjoy your sunshine
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Thank you, Marie! Happy Anniversary! What fun place are you off to? I’m glad you are doing well. Life is too short not to be happy if we are able! I am so enjoying the sunshine here. ☀️🌵🍊💜
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Nice, and welcome back. It’s been a while. Ojai is a magical place. I traveled up there for vacation a few times. Honestly, the entire central coast is amazing. Here’s to some relax time!
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Thanks, Dave! I’m happy to be back. I need to catch up on my blog reading as well. I hope your Christmas was great! I adore Ojai. I also love Santa Barbara and San Luis Obispo! I love my home in the PNW too, but my bones ache for sunshine and warmth! Happy New Year!
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Happy New Year! San Luis Obispo is also a gem. I used to stay at a place called the Apple Farm for a few days of relaxation and good food. I don’t know if it’s still there, but if you get the chance, stay there. It is a treasure.
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It’s still there! We used to have an apartment in SLO. It’s a great town! So many interesting things about San Luis Obispo.
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Nice! The food there was awesome!!
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Welcome back. It’s good to see you here again.
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Thank you! I realize how out of balance I am when I don’t partake in one of my favorite activities, journaling! I hope you are keeping warm up north! 🤗
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Your healing (I know it’s a forever journey) continues to be inspirational. The degree of acceptance of what happened, what is happening, who BE is and what he does to live better. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for laughing with me, and providing guidance and yeah, an anchor when I am flailing about in this ‘afterlife.’ Xxxxx
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It is truly a forever journey. Blue Eyes is lucky he chose someone who didn’t dump his ass immediately. Sorry I haven’t been “around” much! I’m always thinking of you and your happiness and your beautiful life in New Zealand. I can’t wait to return! I love you! ❤️
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Same, CK!
I am kind of surprised, but an awful lot of betrayeds don’t just kick cheaters out. We are loyal. We work hard. We believe in redemption.
Some people are just not that invested. Just not worthy of our sacrifice. Thankfully, BE keeps doing the work xxx
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That looks beautiful Kat. Retirement goals! ❤️
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It’s lovely here! ☀️🍊🌵
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