The end of each year, from Thanksgiving to New Years Day, brings with it a lot of family time for pretty much everyone we know. For the first couple of years of recovery, this family time was fraught with trauma and anxiety. Some people know about Blue Eyes' secret life, but many do not. I … Continue reading Family
I feel like I am caught in a series of cycles. Menopause is one that is getting the better of me. I know I have written about this before, because I have been "going through" menopause since before I commenced writing this blog. I was about 35 years old when we made the decision not … Continue reading Cycles
First, as I typed "all it's cracked up to be" the phrase struck me as quite odd. So, I looked up it's origin. Strange. The Phrase Finder I have asked myself and many others have asked me, if I will ever be able to trust my husband again. I realize there are about a bazillion memes … Continue reading Is trust all it’s cracked up to be?
Embracing Mindfulness. If we actually sit and think, really sit with our thoughts, and actions, do we condone our own behavior. No Excuses. I have the above italicized words written on a note, but I didn't write down who said them? Maybe Pema Chodron? I do remember me typing in the words around it though. … Continue reading Revelations
Obviously Blue Eyes and I still have our moments. There are details that I don't know. I would be living in fantasyland if I thought I would ever know everything. At this point, I don't want to know any more. I do not specifically seek out details from the secret life of my sex addict husband. Sometimes, … Continue reading The fight for control
As mentioned previously on this blog, I periodically perform an internet search of people I know, specifically my husband and kids. I have done this for a long time, way before dday. Mostly it used to be fun. Blue Eyes used to have a lot of links and photos, etc... when he was still on social … Continue reading Another missing piece
This is year four of journaling on Valentine's Day. For a day that I have never cared much about, it seems, I sure do like to write about it. Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2014 Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2015 Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2016 I actually don't think I like to write about it at … Continue reading Charting progress
The road out is not straight and smooth. I felt bad for Blue Eyes last week. He attended a meeting with one of his favorite 12 step guys and during sharing he found out the guy had lost his sobriety a couple weeks prior. He was four years in and now he's starting over at … Continue reading The long and winding road
I have spent a great deal of time over the past three years defending my marriage in my own mind. Mainly because I needed to come to terms with whether it was worth it to me to keep nurturing it. What it all really comes down to, for me, has nothing to do with a … Continue reading So, what was wrong with my marriage?
It's January 11, 2017 here in the U.S. and we are covered in snow, and it's snowing again. We rarely get a lot of snow in Portland. We're in a funny weather pocket. Our winters are usually fairly temperate, above freezing at least. We generally get one cold weather front per season. It might bring … Continue reading Snowed in