Although this blog is not about politics, at all, and it is already emotionally charged enough including topics such as betrayal, trauma, living with an addict, etc… voting my heart is very very important to me. Forewarning: this entry is political. I don’t vote my wallet (as dumb as our accountants think that is), I vote from inside that place in me that cares deeply about the rights of all humans and I want our laws and governmental programs to help, not hurt, people, especially those in need. In my perfect world (which obviously doesn’t exist, because as we all know, no one and nothing is perfect), we would have useful resources available for the mentally ill. Our legal system would work and our prisons wouldn’t be profitable for white men while housing a larger percentage of black men. Equal educational opportunities would be available to all our citizens, and universal healthcare would exist. I believe strongly in certain human rights and I vote accordingly. By vote accordingly, I attempt to vote for the person who appears to represent my point of view. That’s the best I can do, especially in the current climate. I research voting records and personal character of political candidates, as best I can, and then vote. I always vote.
I believe I was born a liberal. I have never felt any other way than I feel right now. Jimmy Carter is my favorite past president. I love that man. I love his humbleness and his humaneness. Since 3/4 of my parent base are republicans and two are conservative republicans, I wasn’t necessarily nurtured to be a democrat. Both my fathers are proud gun owners (not that there aren’t liberal gun owners, I am just not one of them). My step mother is 100% against the right to choose (because that is what it is, an individual’s right to make decisions about her own body), and even my mother at one point voted against gay rights. If I didn’t look so much like my parents, I would swear I am adopted. I am sad our two-party system separates us as a country, but the truth is, I am a liberal democrat. I am not a wacko. I am not a far left faction. I don’t bring weapons to rallies. I don’t chant derogatory words about anyone. I believe in human rights and for many many years I have felt our taxes were being misspent. They are definitely being misspent today. We (me and Blue Eyes, our company) pay A LOT of taxes. We have accountants who work diligently to try and help us, but as they tell us, we don’t make it easy. We pay a total of 52% of our income in taxes. I believe in paying taxes, but I also believe that those taxes should be going towards good. I’m not going to embrace the negative here and spew out a bunch of ways our taxes are being misspent. To me, it is all so obvious. I realize many people disagree with me. I am not saying mine is the only opinion or I am the only one with feelings. I am merely stating my opinion.
So, back to this blog. My older son is visiting from Brooklyn this week. He and his girlfriend, his brother, friends are camping out in the middle of Oregon somewhere having this morning witnessed a full solar eclipse in it’s totality with clear blue skies and no light pollution. I can’t wait until they return tomorrow to tell us all about it. Here in Portland we did not experience totality. Our coverage was 99.5% and although the sky darkened and held a chilly somewhat gloomy cast, and the birds were going absolutely berserk, it never reached darkness. We used our fancy approved glasses and watched the moon glide over the sun leaving just the tiniest of slivers of sun showing, but even that little bit of that huge burning ball of fire was enough to keep us in the light.
Saturday night we had a family barbecue with my parents and unfortunately one of the dinner conversation topics turned to politics. There was a big discussion around Charlottesville and racism, and then somehow abortion rights entered the conversation. I honestly don’t remember how all this went, but my father kind of blew it off saying, “oh come on, abortion is legal, that decision was made a long time ago, there are a lot more compelling things to talk about these days.” Well, I took offense. We have a conservative faction in the American government at this time that has some power. The right to choose is always a “big deal” to me. If we become complacent, rights over our bodies could be next on the chopping block. Yes, I also believe we have reached a pivotal turning point in the race war, and the environment here in America is downright toxic, anti-semitic signs were hung on overpasses over this past weekend as we welcomed thousands of Californians up for eclipse totality (what the actual fuck?), but that doesn’t mean other topics are no longer important.
As we were talking about our government, our theoretic “leadership,” my son brought up a point I had not mentally explored before. I know I had heard this, but I guess I blocked it out. He felt especially deflated at learning soon after last Fall’s election that a majority of WHITE WOMEN voted for Trump. Numerous legitimate sources place the number at 53%. This percentage is only for WHITE women. Even as he said it, I refused to acknowledge it. He pulled out his iPhone and googled it and found numerous references. Of course I knew it was true, but like 30 years of betrayal, I didn’t want to believe it.
Later that evening I googled: why did white women vote for Trump… and this article showed at the top of the search list:
I’m on a roll with New York Times articles this week. I am not going to specifically cite anything from this article, which highlights nearly a dozen women who voted for Trump, and their reasons why. I did read through every single one of them though and with each woman I felt more and more sick. In my mind, some of the reasons they used have already come back to bite us all in the ass. I still have a hard time understanding this phenomena. In my mind, none of the reasons they state are enough to obliterate the one image of Trump making fun of a disabled person.
The sick feeling I got from reading these women’s words remind me of reading mistress blogs all those many months ago. Women rationalizing disrespect. Women hating on women. Somehow these women rationalized voting for a man with no political experience (as Tom Hanks so eloquently put it over and over during the campaigning months: if you need a root canal, are you going to go to someone who thinks they might be able to do it, or to the person who has done 6000 of them and has impressive credentials on the wall), who is a misogynist, and who is backed by white supremacist groups (and everything that goes with that). These women didn’t just vote for Trump, in my opinion, they voted against Clinton. I know they were partly voting against the establishment and many were sucked into the lies, but I do think, now, these white women were choosing not to vote for another white woman because we as women are learning the hard way not to trust other women. In polls, there was a serious lack of trust and respect for Hillary Clinton. One woman even blames Hillary for what Bill did with an intern? Seriously? Okay, I am going to quote this:
And it’s like Hillary has the right to talk about Trump when she stayed with a guy who was in the White House and took advantage of a young intern? Why would you stay with him?
Lady, this is in a major newspaper. You just blamed the wife for the actions of her philandering husband and then compared her staying with a cheater to actually being a cheater. WTF?
Okay, just one more…
I run my household like a business, my classroom like a business. I expect him to run the country in such a manner. You don’t pay more money out than you have.
In an article I read this morning, the security detail alone required for Trump and his family and all their shenanigans has now bankrupted the Secret Service.
That’s all I have to say.
try not to cry on my rainbow 
Another spectacular example of the fine people of the Drumpf administration in their ugliness toward women. This is unreal. It is his 3rd wife, I guess that is the standard.
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It’s disgusting. I’m glad they had the original Instagram quotes. Those are obviously who she really is and how she really feels. Everything else (“through her publicist”) is meant to try and clean the dirty off of these out of touch politicians and their families, Et al…
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From living overseas I know that Americans are looked upon as being stupid. I feel like having Trump as our president proves them right. He is such an embarrassment.
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I have also lived out of America, actually during the Reagan era, and there will always be people who look down on others. I find it interesting that a lot of the people judging our intelligence (based on our President, of all things) are ones that have never lived here, some have never even been to America. Unfortunately, all countries cover a wide swath of personalities and everything that goes along with that. When we were in Japan, New Zealand and Australia, we were asked numerous times if we had voted for Donald Trump. Neither BE or I did, and everyone we spoke to said they had not spoken to one person who actually voted for the man. Pretty sure the simple fact of not voting for him doesn’t make us intelligent either. It’s not that simple. But yes, I agree Trump does represent America, and he does do a lot of stupid things. I hope the people you care about that may be from other countries would not look upon you, or an entire country as being stupid, just because of one man (or woman, as the case may be). Trump is an embarrassment, but I care a lot more about how he can actually destroy the country we live in, versus what other people think about it. xo
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I assure you that this white woman did not vote Trump, will not ever vote Trump, and is unfortunately not at all surprised by what we’ve ended up with, thanks to those who did. I’m looking forward to the day he is no longer in office – it can’t happen quickly enough.
☀️
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The ramifications of him being president seemed so obvious, right? That’s why we aren’t surprised. I AM surprised that there are people who are not gaining anything by supporting him, that still do support him. That blows my mind. I also can’t wait for this circus to be over. xo
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“Women rationalizing disrespect. Women hating on women. ” Yep. Comparing it to my situation, my H could count on me to displace at least some of my anger on the prostitutes. And I’m sad to say I played right into it. Sure, the rational part of me could see he made the choice. He went to them. And went back, again and again. But there was that other part of me that blamed them, denigrated them, called them whores, etc. etc. Wow. It’s so clear to me now but at the time, it actually made sense. Denial? Blame shifting? Cultural conditioning?
How powerful Trump must have felt learning a majority of white women voted for him after he so blatantly disrespected them and in such a vulgar way. And the rationale that it was in the past didn’t cut it. It wasn’t that far in the past and he did it in a professional situation and didn’t care. Oh and never mind that he was married to Melania at the time he said it. These women probably thought it was her fault.
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I refer to the prostitutes as whores b/c that is what they are, by definition. They are looking for a paycheck. Some women are probably “sex slaves” or ??? And that just breaks my heart. I really can’t “go there” now b/c I need every bit of energy to help heal myself.
Yep to Trump feeling empowered by white women voting for him. He’s all about himself – most likely a narcissist? At least those tendencies for sure. All I can say is this stuff literally makes me nauseous.
Victim-blaming – OY VEY. It’s real. It hurts. I know my mother blames me and empathizes with my husband. She’s not really capable of understanding (getting dementia).
What are we in control of? Loving ourselves, caring for ourselves, and caring for other amazing women in this world. We can use our power and out language to boost each other up.
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oops *our* language
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I agree! We need to take the high road. Heal ourselves and always strive to boost others up, men and women alike. xo
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I’m not sure many people blamed Melania. I think people were/are worried for that woman. She has got to be miserable. Just look at her face in nearly every single picture. I feel pretty sure she did not want to be first lady and does not want to be married to Donald Trump anymore either. But that is really none of my business.
I think people blamed Hillary for Bill’s philandering because Bill is “such a nice guy.” And Hillary appears to be a dominating, aggressive, power hungry woman. In other words, she has her own agenda and is a powerful female force and that scares a lot of people, even women. Personally, I was a Sanders supporter, but given the singular choice of Trump vs. Clinton, I chose the more qualified candidate. In my opinion, they both had marks against them, who doesn’t? I was disgusted by Trump’s lascivious and misogynistic behavior (amongst many many other issues), but I was also frustrated with Clinton’s (in my opinion) sell out to big business.
I was also angry with the women BE had extramarital affairs with. They weren’t prostitutes, but I have always felt that if there weren’t women willing to have sex with married men, it wouldn’t happen. Of course it is displaced anger propelled by sheer trauma of being betrayed. They are culpable, but not my concern. Mainly what was done was done, but I did want the other woman to know that I wasn’t the person my husband made me out to be. My sense of justice eats at me sometimes. Even though this is so personal, I realize I just will not be able to have my way because even if I contacted her and told her my whole truth, she would still need to rationalize her behavior and therefore most likely wouldn’t believe me anyway. How frustrating would that be? xo
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I wonder what these women would say about their choice now? He’s clearly incompetent, and my concern is that he is truly unhinged.
Women can be very hard on other women. I try not to be one of those women. I try to lift other women UP, UP, UP.
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Unfortunately, I think these women would continue to make excuses. Apparently it is really really difficult for humans to admit they are wrong and it is really easy to rationalize just about anything these days. I hope people are beginning to realize the true consequences of their choice to vote for Trump, but I for one have no interest in ‘I told you so’ because at this point we need to come together to heal our country and it is frankly best to keep moving forward. Here’s to lifting each other UP! xo
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I’m not into confrontation. It scares me.
I do wonder if they ask themselves, deep down inside, in those gray areas, — was that the right thing to do? pros / cons? why did I vote for that man? etc.
I know it’s not a good thing to live in fear, b/c that’s how any form of terrorism is successful – making others afraid and (possibly) changing the other’s behavior/ limiting freedom, etc. The blatant racist/white supremacist stuff is really yucky. Those people were always evil, but now it seems like they have a bigger microphone? The emboldened racists frighten me, too.
Around here, there are pickup truck bullies who try to make other (smaller??? more liberal???) car drivers afraid. It’s really wacko. I lived around here over 20 years ago and it wasn’t like this. Now we are ‘back home’. It’s such a different place. I am peaceful, traditional and Liberal – partly from my early education and family life. Something changed here. It’s not the place I grew up in.
Hopefully the community where we are building a home will be more ‘chill’ 🙂
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I certainly hope your new community is more peaceful. It is not fun to live in the middle of hate. The one positive is that this kind of hate is being exposed. It feels big because I think the hate is so powerful and it seems to blanket love so easily because of its aggressiveness. Hopefully by exposing it, we can work towards vanquishing it. When reviewing pictures of the rallies, the crowd sizes opposing the white supremacist movement are much much larger than the racist groups. The press doesn’t like to show that because it is not as controversial. Not as inciting of fear. Fear gets people reading “papers.” The press is not there for the better good (in most cases), they are there to make money. We have to dig deep to find the real story.
The main lesson I have learned through this betrayal journey with my husband is that A LOT, and I mean A LOT of people don’t EVER look deep inside that place to those gray areas, or not so gray areas and they don’t self reflect. Many people are like sheep, following whatever crowd they happen upon at a vulnerable time. They don’t question the values/religions/politics of their parents or other influential people in their life, they just follow. I follow my heart. Sometimes it causes me pain, but in the end, I hope I continue to feel good about the choices I make, eyes wide open, gray areas exposed, every day.
The emboldened racists are very frightening, but the louder they are, the more they are seen. It is much easier to fight a visible enemy. Find a peaceful place, and take care of yourself. xo
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I love what you said about how exposing the hate and making it more seen helps us fight it. That is an empowering thought. Yes, the crowds showing up against this type of hate are bigger. I do believe LOVE is stronger than hate.
I found a bit of peace yesterday walking along a mighty river. Water calms me.
Our dog helps with the peace+love too. An ocean of love in his eyes.
I have a hub with blue eyes too. There’s an ocean in there as well, that I can see now that he is healing. His eyes were so hard and cold for so long. Now we can connect in our souls through our eyes. I love that.
I’ve enjoyed this “chat” with you, Kat. ❤
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Water can have such healing power. And yes to dogs, mine are a big help to me, The Aussie, my protector, the Golden, my healer. In my husband’s Blue Eyes, I never saw hard or cold, but it was there… in his resentment and his ability to ignore me on his singular path to destruction. I didn’t see it, because I didn’t actually know it was part of him. Now I see a lot in there… now I do see the last vestiges of resentment and anger, and I see pain, and healing and the seedlings of happiness and contentment. He still has a long way to go.
I particularly love Autumn. I long for these 90+ degree days to dissipate and for the comfortable Fall breezes to arrive. May and September are my favorite months. I’ve had a rough summer. I’m hoping for a reinvigorating Fall. xoxo
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My twin nephews moved onto that campus in Naziville as freshmen this weekend. My Jewish nephews. They both have full scholarships but if I was the parent they’d be taking a gap year and re-applying to colleges this fall. Some things matter more than money.
I don’t want to defile this blog with the words I have for those who voted for Drumpf. And there is abundant evidence that a “yuge” majority of those votes were based in racist hate. It is despicable. Now my beautiful innocent nephews have to live in the shadow of that hate, and in the fear of it, thanks in very large measure to all these white women who turned their backs on a highly qualified, smart, capable woman to elect a subhuman piece of white trash. The absolute rock bottom of the campaign was the debate where Drumpf dragged those WJC accusers out to intimidate Hillary. And women still voted for him. Really???
As an aside, I have been a NYT print subscriber for 29 years and most days it goes right into the recycling. The images of him and his vile family sicken me.
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I hope your nephews (and Charlottesville for that matter) are able to put the rally behind them and that your nephews appreciate the education they will receive at UVA, and that the city learns a valuable lesson. That is impressive that both received full scholarships. Congratulations to them!
I understand where you are coming from, B. You are much closer to the action than we are out here in the West, so I am sure it is even more “in your face.” I hope our country is able to heal, but I fear we will dip deeper before we rise above. There are still generations of hate to be overcome. xx
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This election has always been about the negative seeds of anger, fear, and resentment, in my opinion. It was about individuals unwilling to look within themselves and do the deep dive to see what was really driving the decision making. Unfortunately, the river of denial, the refusal to look really deep, is crowded. I know that river well and continue to float on it… A lot of people acting out of suffering and not having compassion for themselves, let alone others. When did we learn to self hate so much? For me it happened very early in my development. When you realize all the suffering and the resulting vote was a symptom of a much deeper wound then you can have compassion and loving kindness for yourself and others. Rather than reacting with negative seeds, you may ask what is wrong? Why do you feel this way? or conversely you may ask what is right? what has brought joy in your life? Anger, resentment, hate are all secondary seeds. With deep listening and kindness and compassion, that is when the seeds of insight and transformation are born, and change is possible. If you are going to be a rebel, be kind. http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?sid=127 Be kind to yourself, be kind to others. Water the positive seeds. The dimmer light comes on slowly but over time you can be your own beacon and a beacon for others. I hope that is my legacy, the legacy of all us who are so fortunate to be present in the here and now. We live today for our ancestors and for our descendants. I know I am not a lady, but I know self hatred well. It has fed my addiction and isolated me and enabled me to do terrible things.
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Thanks for your inspirational comment, BE. It is important for all of us to be kind to ourselves, and kind to others and not breed hate and anger. xo
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