Do better

A blog follower sent me this quote the other day through Instagram. The message she sent with it simply said, “I love her.” I have never met the blog follower, but I consider her a friend. Some friendships start out a bit tumultuous, as this friendship did. The follower didn’t believe in sex addiction and didn’t believe my husband was such an addict. Over months and months of me posting about my life with my sex addict husband, this follower started to believe. She started to put sex addiction in the same category with other addictions, and she started to understand my husband and the fact that his childhood shaped who he is today, an addict. His drug of choice may not be something people can or choose to understand. But in this case, she stuck with me, and I with her, and now I think she understands. And I am the lucky one as she sends me all kinds of inspirational and informational articles, etc… both through Instagram and email. Life is full of opportunities to understand people who are different from us.

I too, love Maya Angelou. What a woman. What a fucking inspirational, talented, and amazing woman. It is sad that such wonderful human beings cannot live forever. One of the first courses I took at University was ‘Women in U.S. History.’ We read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. What a powerful piece of literature. An autobiography full of heartbreak and oppression, but also strength.

It is so important to know that we are always learning and changing and becoming. It is important to remember that we can be better than we are now. Our past doesn’t define who we can become.

______

And on a separate note, for some reason my last blog entry wasn’t allowing comments. I don’t know what happened, but I think it has been corrected now. WordPress can be glitchy. Receiving and responding to comments on this blog is one of my favorite aspects of blogging.

9 thoughts on “Do better

  1. My in-laws don’t believe that my husband has this sort of addiction either because they don’t believe that such an addiction can exist. His mother came right out and referred to it as a “so called addition”. What I also think and feel like that they are saying, is that it’s MY fault that my husband spent several hours sexting with a former girlfriend, that he hadn’t seen in 32 years, over the course of the Labor Day weekend in 2018. That there was obviously problems in the marriage or he wouldn’t have wanted to stray. He had plans to meet the skank for lunch and we all know what that would have eventually led to. I would like to make his family aware of the porn addition, the lies, the secret life he kept from me. The gaslighting. The flirting and objectifying of women. The constant, sick fantasies that went through his head from when he woke up until he went to sleep. The ego he constantly needed to have stroked from both women and men. But there is no point in making them aware, it wouldn’t matter to them. Somehow, I’m quite certain they would justify his behaviour and still blame me, because I stayed and put up with it. I didn’t believe it was an addiction either…I believed it was a choice. But I also believe that he had a choice to continue with his addiction, or get help. He chose the addiction. I’m glad he hit rock bottom, that is what forced his choice to end his addiction. What his parents also don’t know is that I was taking the steps to leave my husband when the “gift in a garbage bag” happened in September of 2018. And they will never likely never know.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you, CAM, for sharing. 🤗 My in-laws don’t know a thing. We haven’t actually spoken to them for about 6 years. Likewise they would blame me. No doubt about it. I’m such a bad wife, that their son had to seek out an older, smoking, alcoholic hoarder to satisfy his basic needs. They don’t “believe in” mental illness and addiction. It’s all just weakness to them. One time my MIL told my mentally ill sister that she just needed to wake up every morning and put a smile on her face and say to herself, “today is going to be a great day!” That will fix everything, she says. My sister has borderline personality disorder with bi-polar tendencies. Sure it’s all that easy. My MIL is a delusional narcissist who abused her children, but sure, she has all the answers… addicts do have choices, but how they make their choices is broken. Seriously broken. And “fixing” themselves takes a whole lot of time and effort. ❤️

      Liked by 3 people

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