Dreaming of sleep

Pretty spring flowers sent to me by a friend who stayed at the beach house and used up all the propane by leaving the fireplaces on all day. She felt SO BAD, lol!

Well, we’re fully vaccinated and the second shot was a bit of a doozy for me. I’m pretty achy and exhausted, so taking the day off from work. In just under two weeks, I will feel more comfortable going back out in the world, at least I think I will. From what I have read, I’m pretty sure if I get Covid now, I won’t die from it, and that was what I was waiting for. Later this month for my birthday, Blue Eyes and I will be taking a road trip down to California and staying at the bed & breakfast where we spent our honeymoon. They remodeled it and it looks gorgeous. I can’t wait!

In addition to waiting for the vaccination, these past few months I have been plagued with many a sleepless night.

I simply can’t survive, or at least survive even moderately well on less than seven hours sleep. Eight hours is optimum. I know some people can do with less, but not me. I started struggling with sleep after discovery, 7+ years ago. After the initial stages of grief and trauma were dealt with, however, I started sleeping again. My health had taken a huge hit with the discovery of my husband’s secret life and I needed sleep to get me through.

Then, for about four years, I was plagued with menopause, which did its own damage to my body. I am now post-menopausal, which apparently is another sleep interruption culprit. I don’t get night sweats or hot flashes like some of my friends (thankfully) but my wacky hormones seem to be affecting my quality of sleep. I used to be a heavy sleeper, now I am a light sleeper. Wearing my Fitbit at night is super frustrating because it tells me that I pretty much get light sleep without the necessary deep and REM sleep. As it turns out, however, the biggest hindrance to sleep for me is Blue Eyes.

A couple years ago, Blue Eyes became a chronic snorer. If I can get into a deeper sleep, his snoring doesn’t wake me. Prior to falling asleep, and when in light sleep, his snoring drives me mad. I try and turn him over. I beg him to stop. I have tried sleeping elsewhere, but my bed is the most comfortable place for me to sleep. It got to the point where I was begging Blue Eyes to sleep on the sofa. Blue Eyes went in for a sleep apnea test. I was there when they checked him in and gave him all the rules. They hooked him up to a bunch of stuff and the attendant told Blue Eyes that at the first sign of apnea, he would be in to attach yet more machinery. I left and the next day Blue Eyes said the guy had never come in in the middle of the night. Blue Eyes slept right on through. He didn’t have sleep apnea.

So we were back to square one. The sleep apnea clinic referred Blue Eyes to a sleep dentist. It then took Blue Eyes months before he actually contacted the dentist. This is super frustrating to me as he knew I was struggling from lack of sleep, which was directly related to him. I’m still astonished when he doesn’t simply bend over backwards to make my life more comfortable, after all he did. Ah well, reality slaps me in the face again.

Finally, after months of my inquiring and then begging him to call the dentist, he made an appointment. They did numerous tests and came to the conclusion that he needed a personalized sleep retainer. After a couple more months of Blue Eyes procrastinating and also waiting for dentist appointments to be available, he was fitted for the retainer. Then it took weeks for the device to arrive. Finally, last week Blue Eyes came home with his new sleep retainer. From the very first night, it was like a miracle. Although he looks absolutely crazy, like a slack-jawed zombie from some horror movie when he has it in, and he can do nothing more than grunt once it’s in for the night, he is now back to a quiet sleeper. That is, if the darn thing stays in properly all night. When he manages to dislodge it, the snoring is back in full force. The first time that happened I sat up in bed and said, “you’re snoring, what happened???” And when he could answer me, and I could understand what he was saying (no zombie talk), I knew something was up. He was back at the dentist this morning and they have now given him some bands to help secure the thing better. They were, however, very happy with the results. He provides them with some kind of monitoring data I guess, and it’s working. Although it appears, when he is snoring, that he is getting good sleep, apparently he isn’t. This zombie retainer should be good for the both of us.

I anticipate that from here forward I will be getting more and better sleep. Yay for sleep retainers… who knew?

And here is a picture of my precious angel, Lily taken a couple months ago. She is a month away from her 13th birthday and she is fading fast. She’s still with us, but I’m not sure for how much longer. The chemo did its trick on her leukemia, but she now has a cancerous growth on her nose and some of the time she can’t get up on her own. Most of the time she still has her voracious appetite and goes on the occasional walk, so we’re day by day over here. We’re really gonna miss her, but I am also pretty concerned how her fur-brother is going to take it. Bernie has spent 8 years of his life thinking he is protecting her. It’s a major part of his day. He is going to be so confused.

Lily the Golden Retriever.
Yep, Mom. Lily is good. She’s taking a nap.

9 thoughts on “Dreaming of sleep

  1. I hope you are sleeping better. mine is good once in a while and bad most nights. And I’m on sleep meds! My med often gets stuck in my larynx (1/2 paralyzed – the left vocal fold is a “shelf”) – so the med isn’t slowly dissolving in my stomach where it’s sup[posed to (to work right). Hub got the C-Pap machine and it helps, and he said he gets better sleep. Me? It’s a problem. I was awake last night from 1:30-5:30. Then I got a few more hours. I’m noticing that I’m grieving a lot, which is good to just feel I can release things, so maybe my brain is doing something in my sleep? I’m post-menopausal too, but on HRT, so I wonder what “classification” I am really in? My primary care NP wants me on medical cannabis b/c of PTSD and sleep. I decided not to deal with “the card” and try legal CBD; it does help a bit with anxiety (a BIT). I feel your frustration!


  2. I also sent my husband to the doctor about his terrible snoring. They gave him some kind of machine to check himself for one night at home. But that night he slept so lightly and hardly snored at all because he was aware of the machine. Then the doctor just said he hardly snores. Very helpful! Sometimes he’s so loud he actually wakes himself up, startled, and thinks something has happened!!

    After reading this, I’m wondering if my insomnia has something to do with the menopause? Food for thought.

    Glad you’re finding a way through!!!


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