I’m home from a glorious trip to Hawaii. For the first 5 days it was me, Blue Eyes, and The Peacemaker celebrating their 60th & 30th birthdays respectively. Last week was spent with my mom, step dad, my brother GQ, his wife, and The Princess. My mom turned 80, and The Princess turned 9. For those who have read this blog, The Princess was one of the shining lights in a very, very dark time for me. After 10 years in a bitter battle with infertility, Leila is the result of their final harvested egg. She was born 10 months post dday.

We had a really wonderful time with this easy going group. GQ is quite spoiled (I think his pool shoes were Gucci or something), however, he is sweet and loving and I adore him. He is still quite shocked regarding my mother in law’s passing. He was one of her favorite people. However, he was astonished to hear about the cruelty of my mother in law towards The Peacemaker, the fact that she hadn’t talked to him in years and that The Peacemaker wasn’t listed as a beneficiary. Just on principle how wrong it is and how it creates a negative and competitive environment among siblings. Well this was my mother in law’s specialty. My brother knows how kind my younger son is. Leila followed The Peacemaker around like a puppy. She would only go on a walk if her cousin was going. She looked for him at every turn. He’s great with kids. She is taking tennis lessons back home in Japan. We played tennis for hours with her in the bright Hawaiian sunshine. The Peacemaker is very patient and gentle. My brother couldn’t understand, even if Blue Eyes and I weren’t talking to the family, why The Peacemaker wasn’t invited to our niece’s wedding in summer 2019, but his brother was. Even if my mother in law didn’t want him there, why didn’t her daughter, or the bride, my son’s cousin, fight for him? I don’t have the answers.

However, ever since listening to my brother speak so affectionately about my son, and spending time with MY loving family, the whole thing has started bothering me. I can feel the anxiety returning. We’re home and my father in law and sister in law are back with their selfish and manipulative ways. Thanksgiving is around the corner and we will be spending it with them as we will be staying at our Ojai house for the month. I am very much not looking forward to spending any time with them. It’s difficult for me to pretend that I like them. I can minimize time with my father in law. He doesn’t reach out, he’s old, and he just lost his life partner, but my sister in law, no. I foresee years of faking liking each other and me putting up with her. I feel a letter to her is in my near future. Talking to her doesn’t work. She doesn’t listen, she turns my words around, and plays the victim. This is a letter I believe I will be able to send.

I’ll share it here first.