Although I strive for peace and happy and all that, I do think the above meme is a bit judgy. To this person, busy does not equal peace. Peace = success. But, we all get to decide how busy we want to be. For some people, busy makes them happy, and not busy feels wrong, or lonely. What stresses out one person, brings joy to another, for example, jumping out of a plane. 😳 Not my cup of tea, but others would disagree.

I was chatting with a contractor the other day in Ojai. Surfing is big in Southern California especially for those who grew up there, and need an outlet. This particular contractor is an addict and surfing is his meditation, surfing and music. I’m terrified of surfing, and since my snorkeling accident, terrified of the ocean in general. The job this guy has as a contractor is to pay the bills. He used to be a high school music teacher, but it didn’t quite cover the mortgage, so he’s now a general contractor. He surfs in the mornings and plays bass for a reggae band on the weekends. He’s a very busy guy. Idle hands and all that jazz. How do I know he’s an addict? Our house is one block from the local Alano Club. He regularly attends AA meetings there. We’ve had many conversations around addiction. Like Blue Eyes, this guy also very obviously has ADD. Ugh, I seem to attract them. Anyway, keeping busy is his sanity. Same with Blue Eyes. He thrives on social situations and doing stuff all the time. It’s all good.

I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. I crave nothingness, peace, quiet, a pro men’s tennis match, a mystery novel, a walk on the beach. I long for that cup of coffee (tea for me) on the porch (if I had a porch). Three houses and no porch, but we’ve got decks galore, so a cup of tea on the deck. I do feel like with all the talk of peace, and mindfulness, and serenity, however, that we’re all actually striving for that next social interaction, or bit of gossip, or some kind of high. I feel like even with all the focus on practicing mindfulness, we still seek some kind of chaos and I do feel like sitting and theoretically doing nothing is me being lazy even though when I am by myself doing nothing that could be defined as productive, I am at my calmest. Stress melts away.

When I was a teenager, our family went on a camping trip with my parents’ church group. A couple days in I was so exhausted by all of it. By all the people and the kumbaya’s by the campfire and the group meals and camping was never my favorite anyway. They had a group hike planned and all I wanted to do was lay down in the tent and read a book. I bowed out of the hike, for my own sanity. My parents had no problem with that. As I was getting into a comfy position to relax and read, one of the other teenagers in the group burst into my tent and said, “get off your fat, lazy ass and come on this hike. You are such a loser.” Lazy ass? He was a dick, for sure, but that altercation has stuck with me for nearly 50 years. Doing what I needed to do, for myself, made me a lazy ass! There are always going to be those people who try to make us feel bad, or guilty, for taking care of ourselves, especially if it doesn’t fit their plan. Ironically, about 20 minutes after the group left for their hike, there was a torrential downpour and they all came back an hour later, soaked and shivering. Head colds ensued and I was spared, which fueled the flames even more.

So now I’m wondering when I will be of the age when I can sit on the deck with a cup of tea and a mindless read, and it will all be okay with the rest of the world, because now certainly doesn’t feel like that time.