Anger is often called a secondary emotion because we tend to resort to anger in order to protect ourselves from or cover up other vulnerable feelings. A primary feeling is what is felt immediately before we feel anger. We almost always feel something else first before we get angry. We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, … Continue reading Here we go again
childhood wounds
I did it
I made it through that fucking colonoscopy like a champion. Ha, I am patting myself on the back, obviously, for something thousands of people do every single day without complaining. A routine procedure, if you will. The thing is though, I never realized before how toxic trauma can really be. I never realized simple fears could … Continue reading I did it
The boy we left behind
After Blue Eyes' brother passed, there was a little 15 month old boy left behind. Blue Eyes spent as much time with that boy as he possibly could, it was good for both of them. Blue Eyes helping to fill an empty void in the little boy's life, the stark absence of a father he barely got … Continue reading The boy we left behind
The phone call that changed everything
As I started typing this entry, I realized the title might insinuate I am going to talk about that dreaded phone call from the other woman. Well, I'm not going to talk about her or that phone call because I have already talked enough about it. I started this blog with it, and she doesn't … Continue reading The phone call that changed everything
On letting go, part two
While enjoying a nice respite from the shenanigans of the sister, back in early 2005, the heat was picking up in terms of Blue Eyes' parents and his brother. The brother had started in earnest on his mission to destroy any reasonable relationship Blue Eyes had with the parents. From the beginning of time, mil had … Continue reading On letting go, part two
On letting go, part one
I am taking a break from my travel blogging to get something off my chest. I am hoping that writing this out will help me release some of the feelings that threaten to hold me back, push me down, engulf me.... feelings that haunt me and make me question the validity of my choices. Everywhere I … Continue reading On letting go, part one
Tumbling from the pedestal
We are all imperfect beings, and for some of us, that takes a little getting used to. What I have noticed about myself, and the rest of the people in my life is that many of us strive to be what others perceive as good or “perfect,” we make “appropriate choices,” we are politely social … Continue reading Tumbling from the pedestal
It’s not love. It’s safety I seek
Journal Entry: January 18, 2015 My husband loves me. I know he does. I know he always has. That is not what scares me. On our last day in Tokyo, we had afternoon tea with GQ, his wife, and the little ray of sunshine. Then we walked them to Tokyo Station and said good-bye. We … Continue reading It’s not love. It’s safety I seek
Who killed Bambi’s mother
Journal Entry: January 9, 2015 We arrived Narita airport at approximately 2:30 this afternoon, Japan time. The flight was relatively uneventful. The stalker whore was not on the plane, not that I know of anyway. We exited the plane, quickly navigated immigration and customs, and headed to the Japan Rail office to change the train … Continue reading Who killed Bambi’s mother
The celibacy fiasco
Journal Entry: June 29, 2014 This is it, the last day of my husband’s intensive therapy program. When Blue Eyes arrived at the peaceful spa pool at the resort where I was luxuriating in the 80+ degree weather, I knew immediately something was terribly wrong. He was supposed to have met me up at the … Continue reading The celibacy fiasco
try not to cry on my rainbow 