“When your heart is broken, you plant seeds in the cracks and pray for rain.” ― Andrea Gibson Three and a half years ago I wrote a journal entry and when I posted it on my blog in November, 2014, I titled it: Planting the seeds and I end the post with... I am cracked, but I … Continue reading Where happiness grows
healing
Let me be clear
Blue Eyes reads this blog. Every entry, and most comments. I am always bluntly honest with my feelings, the feelings I am feeling at the time I sit down to write. Feelings change, people change (yes, they do), but I guess what I am saying is, what you read here is the real deal. This … Continue reading Let me be clear
Purging
Yesterday afternoon I looked at my Instagram account and realized I had nearly 3,000 photos posted. What? Too many photos. I went back to the beginning and started deleting. When I first loaded the Instagram App and began using it, I had no idea what I was doing. There were multiple pictures of the same … Continue reading Purging
My relationship with s-anon
What is my relationship with S-Anon? Well, basically, I don't have one. In a perfect world my husband would have worked with his therapist, told the therapist the truth about his secret sex life, all of it, and then worked with the therapist on a way to more safely inform me of Blue Eyes' sexual … Continue reading My relationship with s-anon
Feeling good
These past few days have been amazing. I am feeling good. I started up eating healthy, again, cutting out a lot of the bad carbs and red meat, and fatty dairy, again. Blue Eyes and I have been doing well, together at the beach house for the past few days, having fun with the dogs. … Continue reading Feeling good
Charting progress
This is year four of journaling on Valentine's Day. For a day that I have never cared much about, it seems, I sure do like to write about it. Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2014 Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2015 Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2016 I actually don't think I like to write about it at … Continue reading Charting progress
The long and winding road
The road out is not straight and smooth. I felt bad for Blue Eyes last week. He attended a meeting with one of his favorite 12 step guys and during sharing he found out the guy had lost his sobriety a couple weeks prior. He was four years in and now he's starting over at … Continue reading The long and winding road
Snowed in
It's January 11, 2017 here in the U.S. and we are covered in snow, and it's snowing again. We rarely get a lot of snow in Portland. We're in a funny weather pocket. Our winters are usually fairly temperate, above freezing at least. We generally get one cold weather front per season. It might bring … Continue reading Snowed in
We all need a path out
The reason I know I cannot change my husband, I cannot make him better, I cannot heal him in any way, is because I have been here all along. If it was my job to heal him, I would have done it already. If my presence was enough to make him the man he wants … Continue reading We all need a path out
Anonymous
Anonymity is generally coveted on betrayed spouse blogs. Some of us are protecting the reputations of our husbands, because we want to. Because we believe in them and their ability to overcome whatever it was that drove them to their wretched cheating behavior in the first place. And if it is not their reputation we … Continue reading Anonymous
try not to cry on my rainbow 