Tonight I have a number of other journal entries to post from our recent trip to Hawaii, as it turned out to be full of triggers and trauma, with some breakthroughs along the way, and I do want to share those. However, we just returned home and I am exhausted, depleted, anxious, and feeling sick... and … Continue reading The stalker whore makes an appearance
travel
The Golden Rule
As I sit here in paradise, it is obvious to me that the trauma symptoms from betrayal know no bounds. It doesn't matter how gorgeous the weather, or how blue the ocean waters, or how vibrant the tropical flowers, or how amazing the view is from the bathtub in our room, trauma is here, permeating … Continue reading The Golden Rule
Internet, dating, and sex addiction
This week December 11, 2014 Here I go, venting again. We are nearing the end of the corporate retreat portion of our Hawaii trip. Earlier this year we had to let an employee go, and we had already committed to a specific room count at the resort, so each of our boys ended up with … Continue reading Internet, dating, and sex addiction
Unbalanced
Journal Entry: September 8, 2014 We are currently visiting our older son in Montreal for his 23rd birthday. This would be the one that graduated college in May, The Pragmatist. He is living with his girlfriend in Montreal and figuring out what he wants to do for grad school. Thankfully, this son loves to work … Continue reading Unbalanced
I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are
Journal Entry: August 20, 2014 We are still out of town at the family reunion, but now my husband and I have our big vacation rental house on the golf course all to ourselves. My, it is peaceful. I have been doing surprisingly well. I only socialize when I want to. There aren’t the weird … Continue reading I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are
Healing hail storm
Journal Entry: August 18, 2014 This week we are in a high desert resort town a few hours from our house. We are gathered for a family reunion of my Dad's kids, there are nine of us total. All with our own families. Everyone is here except my BPD sister. She doesn't do well with … Continue reading Healing hail storm
A wife’s worst nightmare
Journal Entry: Monday, June 30, 2014 I was sitting on the toilet in a gorgeous tile bathroom at the Four Seasons Biltmore Santa Barbara. Blue Eyes was standing at one of the sinks, shaving. As I looked at him from my vulnerable spot, I realized he had probably shared these same strangely intimate moments with … Continue reading A wife’s worst nightmare
The celibacy fiasco
Journal Entry: June 29, 2014 This is it, the last day of my husband’s intensive therapy program. When Blue Eyes arrived at the peaceful spa pool at the resort where I was luxuriating in the 80+ degree weather, I knew immediately something was terribly wrong. He was supposed to have met me up at the … Continue reading The celibacy fiasco
I went to a sunshine yellow valley, and I was loved
Journal Entry: June 28, 2014 Saturday morning I woke up in my big comfy bed and realized, only one more day until I get my partner back. I am happy that this thought actually feels so good. Wanting to be back in my husband's arms brings feelings of warmth and comfort. While waiting for breakfast, I decided to … Continue reading I went to a sunshine yellow valley, and I was loved
Finding my happy place
Journal Entry: June 27, 2014 We are heading into the final weekend of my husband's intensive outpatient therapy. It's Friday night, and he is done Sunday at noon. I can see the finish line. At least the finish line for this little leg of the race we are on. Since leaving Beverly Hills and heading … Continue reading Finding my happy place
try not to cry on my rainbow 