This afternoon we attended our weekly couple's therapy appointment. Things were going pretty well. We were discussing the "new" schedule and how Blue Eyes was generally handling being at work more and having all that responsibility and not having his addiction as a coping mechanism, and his eyes started tearing up and became red rimmed. He … Continue reading And then it all went to s*%t
adultery
Broken
A few days ago I got a call from our yard maintenance guy. He is an older fellow, maybe 70 and he has injured his knee. He decided he will no longer be able to engage in his retirement "hobby" of yard maintenance for extra money. I am so sad. I'm sad he injured himself, … Continue reading Broken
Obliteration of self
For me, self care means taking a moment to stop and appreciate the beauty around me. This past weekend we did a little wine tasting with friends and this gorgeous flower arrangement was on the tasting counter. My goal here is to journal my life... on the blog of me. I try not to do … Continue reading Obliteration of self
Please stop saying you’re sorry
I need something pretty to go with this not so pretty post. I took this in my cutting garden with my macro lens. The bee's wings are so shiny and beautiful to me. After posting about structure yesterday, Blue Eyes came home from his very long day, which started with a 7:00am 12-step meeting, then numerous … Continue reading Please stop saying you’re sorry
A desperate need for structure
As previously mentioned, a separation period has been discussed. I had suggested starting with three months. When Blue Eyes asked me when I wanted to start the separation I said, "I don't." He seemed confused. I explained to him that when I spoke of a separation, I wanted him to know how I thought it would … Continue reading A desperate need for structure
The blog of me
Photo: my favorite tea cup from my collection, and my favorite macarons from my favorite local bakery. Disclaimer: this photo was not taken recently. I am not sitting here eating a pile of french macarons. 🙂 I guess I am in some kind of hella writing mood today, this week, this month? Blue Eyes and … Continue reading The blog of me
I don’t actually know what is real
"I love myself!" It was a downright hellish battle for my trauma therapist to get me to say those words last year. In one of our earlier sessions, she said, "Kat, do you love yourself?" And I sat there, for a long time, thinking. And then tears started rolling down my cheeks. At that point, I … Continue reading I don’t actually know what is real
How I know I wouldn’t do “that”
I was going to reblog this (which I have never done before, reblogged anything), but in true Kat style, I decided to link it so I had plenty of space to write out my own comments. I enjoyed reading this post by marriagerecoveryblog. The other woman's hatred for the wife I love how she tells her … Continue reading How I know I wouldn’t do “that”
I don’t want to be preachy, just understanding, but…
Oh boy, here we go. I don't really have a lot of time right now for blogging. I shouldn't be blogging. I should be up, and moving at the very least. I have my alarm set to get me up out of my chair every hour. Sitting is bad for me/us/people. I actually should be … Continue reading I don’t want to be preachy, just understanding, but…
A mountain of fear
Here is my dilemma. My current and evolving story is about betrayal and subsequent trauma. Blue Eyes's story is about addiction. His story has been about addiction all along. We have both been hurt. But I did not perpetrate hurt on anyone. My marriage was not struggling. Although my husband did work, at lot, he was not … Continue reading A mountain of fear
try not to cry on my rainbow 