Journal Entry: June 6, 2014 We have an agreement, my husband and I. If he needs to go on a business trip, especially if it is overnight, I will go with him, at least for the foreseeable future. He is still early in his recovery, and is completely susceptible to his acting out patterns and … Continue reading She haunts these places
affair
Put it all in a box and hide it away
Journal Entry: May 22, 2014 I’m having a shitty evening. On our way to dinner, my mobile phone was ringing in my purse. I dug it out and there she was, the whore, calling me again. Honestly, I know this woman was needy and empty and my husband pursued sex with her and if it … Continue reading Put it all in a box and hide it away
You can’t always get what you want…
Journal Entry: May 14, 2014 Today is my birthday. Ah, it would have been way too easy to quote THAT song. Other than Facebook and phone calls, I received most of my birthday wishes and presents a few days ago, on Mother’s Day. That’s usually the way it goes in our family when your birthday falls … Continue reading You can’t always get what you want…
I did not leave tonight
Journal Entry: May 10, 2014 "It's not the load that breaks you, it's the way you carry it." -Lena Horne Days have gone by since I have written in my journal. This is not a good sign. I knew this day would arrive eventually. I’m pretty sure it will go down as the second most destructive … Continue reading I did not leave tonight
I could star in my own reality show
Journal Entry: April 29, 2014 With me being sick, and my friend being super busy with work, most of our communication lately has been via FB email. I have really isolated myself from most everything that was my life “before.” The loneliness can really get to me, especially when the only human I encounter in a … Continue reading I could star in my own reality show
The darkness
Journal Entry: April 27, 2014 “I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind” -Edgar Allen Poe Every day I try and trudge through the monotony of my new existence. Every day I feel the same feelings of despair and loneliness. I am making some progress. Many times I am able … Continue reading The darkness
Today I want to gut the bitch
Journal Entry: April 23, 2014 Warning: this is a venting post. I do not normally just vent with all the words and hate that go along with that, but today, today I need this. This is going to be a full on rant. I have to get it OUT!!! I feel better already. As my … Continue reading Today I want to gut the bitch
Am I losing my mind
Journal Entry: April 22, 2014 I have been feeling increasingly anxious and depressed lately and I am not really loving my therapist. Some days I feel like I am living inside someone else's head, someone else's life. My husband has found a clinic in Southern California that specializes in the sex addiction-induced trauma model for … Continue reading Am I losing my mind
I am alone.
Journal Entry: April 21, 2014 What to do with myself? I never thought much about it four months ago. My husband traveled a lot over the past 20 years. I was alone a lot. For years I had the boys. They were the best company. I love them with everything that I am and have … Continue reading I am alone.
Contact with the other woman
Journal Entry: April 18, 2014 We returned from our cruise vacation a few days ago and we are both sick. I am physically sick with an upper respiratory infection, and I am also very sick, and tired, of my husband’s last acting out partner calling our phones. She had called both our mobile phones numerous … Continue reading Contact with the other woman
try not to cry on my rainbow 