We're in Tokyo. Me, Blue Eyes, our two boys, and my parents, all here for the Princesse's first birthday. I'm pretty sure my brother (GQ) and his wife are thrilled we have all come here for this great occasion as they are paranoid about taking their little girl on a plane. They're not so much … Continue reading Just getting by
betrayal
The battle
I am consciously realizing my path to healing, as the betrayed spouse of a sex addict, is the shorter one of the two of us. I instinctively knew it would be, but it is so obvious now. My life journey included a childhood that shaped me, we all have one, many times fraught with heartache, … Continue reading The battle
The awakening
Photo credit: photoguy777.deviantart.com/art/Pink-Rose A few days ago I was looking for some paperwork I had carelessly tossed somewhere at some point probably as much as two years ago, and in that process I opened the upper left hand drawer of my desk. Inside that drawer is a desperate and depraved accounting of the first few … Continue reading The awakening
The difference between an affair and an addiction
I was just over at Cheater Fantasy's Blog commenting on her post: 'Sex and Love Addiction'. At the end of the post she poses the following question: "How does a sex addict differ from a person who has an affair?" I have thought a great deal about this question over the months, especially as I read other … Continue reading The difference between an affair and an addiction
Protecting my heart
After hours and hours of individual trauma therapy, one of the pivotal pieces of advice I ostensibly came away with was that I needed to take better care of myself. I needed to focus more on what truly makes me a whole person and not focus so much on the needs of others. I had done … Continue reading Protecting my heart
Showers
As I stood in the shower this morning, going about the usual routine of washing and conditioning my hair, cleansing my body, shaving my legs, activities that don't require much thought, I realized in my mind I was planning the day ahead. I was thinking about what was on the schedule. I had spoken to … Continue reading Showers
At the end of the day…
I never thought I would be sharing these words. As a matter of fact, 19 months ago I would not have said I had ever been stabbed in the back. But, in fact, I have. I have been lied to and betrayed and left to heal alone by the person I relied on most for safety and security. … Continue reading At the end of the day…
And then it all went to s*%t
This afternoon we attended our weekly couple's therapy appointment. Things were going pretty well. We were discussing the "new" schedule and how Blue Eyes was generally handling being at work more and having all that responsibility and not having his addiction as a coping mechanism, and his eyes started tearing up and became red rimmed. He … Continue reading And then it all went to s*%t
Broken
A few days ago I got a call from our yard maintenance guy. He is an older fellow, maybe 70 and he has injured his knee. He decided he will no longer be able to engage in his retirement "hobby" of yard maintenance for extra money. I am so sad. I'm sad he injured himself, … Continue reading Broken
Please stop saying you’re sorry
I need something pretty to go with this not so pretty post. I took this in my cutting garden with my macro lens. The bee's wings are so shiny and beautiful to me. After posting about structure yesterday, Blue Eyes came home from his very long day, which started with a 7:00am 12-step meeting, then numerous … Continue reading Please stop saying you’re sorry
try not to cry on my rainbow 