Journal Entry: August 11, 2014 I wake up sad and lonely. I want to go back to the place where someone took care of me, where someone loved me unconditionally, where someone nurtured me and didn't take me for granted. I want to go back to the place where I played all day, out in … Continue reading I want to go home
lying husband
The phone bill doesn’t lie
journal Entry: August 8, 2014 Things have been going pretty well since our anniversary. No real overly dramatic moments for me, although the PTSD still knocks me on my ass on a regular basis. Our older son visited for a few days last week and we all went out to our new beach property. My husband was able … Continue reading The phone bill doesn’t lie
Feeding the Beast: my husband’s affair partners
journal Entry: July 30, 2014 Today is the anniversary of the last time my husband had sexual relations with a woman other than me. Nearly 30 years after we started dating, and one day after our 24th wedding anniversary, my husband had a "quickie" sexual liaison with his eight year affair partner, for the very … Continue reading Feeding the Beast: my husband’s affair partners
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight
Journal Entry: July 29, 2014 "Love and harmony combine, And around our souls entwine, While thy branches mix with mine, And our roots together join. Joys upon our branches sit, Chirping loud and singing sweet; Like gentle streams beneath our feet, Innocence and virtue meet." -William Blake Before I got married, my mother gave me … Continue reading Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight
Apparently I am just not good at this therapy stuff
Journal Entry: July 17, 2014 I had a run in with Chatty Kathy today. I am starting to think I am not cut out for therapy. Blue Eyes is preparing his first step for his 12 step sex addicts anonymous share. He hopes to get his first step done in the next couple months. It … Continue reading Apparently I am just not good at this therapy stuff
Hospitals, our home away from home
Journal Entry: July 13, 2014 I cannot even count the number of times my husband has been in the hospital since I have known him. The first night we "slept together" he left for the hospital the next day. We were 20 years old, and sleeping together, in his single dorm room, turned out to be a lot … Continue reading Hospitals, our home away from home
Flirting with triggers, again
Journal Entry: November 25, 2014 I fear that if I don't intersperse some present day posts in here, I will never get caught up to current with this blog. Dday was January 11, 2014. My husband's jilted "mistress" called my mobile phone and I think assumed she would break up my marriage so she could … Continue reading Flirting with triggers, again
Falling back in love with my husband
Journal Entry: July 7, 2014 After last night's mission, I now know that this other woman, my husband's last acting out partner, the alcoholic, hoarding whore (whore-der?), will never be able to sneak up on me (which was one of my fears). I will see this crazy looking woman coming from a mile away. There is … Continue reading Falling back in love with my husband
The Reconnaissance Mission
Journal Entry: July 6, 2014 I read somewhere that being a mistress felt like being a weed in someone else's rose garden, and that makes total sense to me! Since my husband has known the old alcoholic whore for what is now nine years, he is pretty aware of her schedule. He did not spend … Continue reading The Reconnaissance Mission
Bursting Bubbles
Journal Entry: July 5, 2014 During my phone conversation with The Director a couple weeks ago, before my husband’s 9-day, he asked me some questions about Blue Eyes’ habits. He asked me to categorize my husband’s acting out behaviors as I now see them. These would all be behaviors I knew nothing about until six … Continue reading Bursting Bubbles
try not to cry on my rainbow 