April 17, 2014 “He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” Lao Tzu We returned home yesterday from our cruise. My husband is sick with a throat infection and we are both exhausted. The trip was like a roller coaster ride. One day to the next, emotions … Continue reading Please let me off this psychotherapy hamster wheel
marital indiscretions
Planting the seeds
Journal Entry: April 2, 2014 “When your heart is broken, you plant seeds in the cracks and pray for rain.” ― Andrea Gibson We are still on our cruise. On one hand I feel isolated, and on the other, I feel smothered. Remind me never to go on a cruise again. I have always loved the … Continue reading Planting the seeds
Trauma on the high seas
Journal Entry: March 31, 2014 Letter to my husband: Thirty years ago you started courting me. My life would never be the same. I was not shopping for a husband and I wasn't ready. After a mere seven months of knowing you, I fell in love. I fell in love with who I thought you were. … Continue reading Trauma on the high seas
She walked this path
Journal Entry: March 24, 2014 "Just because everything is different, doesn't mean anything has changed." Irene Peter My husband has become quite attached to his sponsor. His sponsor has a similar story and pathology to my husband. He has been sober (although with sex addicts, it is not always wise to believe anything they say) … Continue reading She walked this path
Dude, sorry we’re so miserable, but we really do love your ranch
Journal Entry: March 16, 2014 In January, after B’s initial sex addict diagnosis and his therapist’s recommendation that B immediately check himself in to the Meadows Sex Addiction recovery program for 45 days, and B’s subsequent dismissal of this advice, B did start looking for a seminar to attend. He felt particularly drawn to the … Continue reading Dude, sorry we’re so miserable, but we really do love your ranch
No More
Journal Entry: March 7, 2014 How do I feel today? I feel like no one really gets me. I feel like my life has been ripped from me. I feel like my whole world has fallen into a never-ending abyss of heartache and despair. I feel like I will never be whole again. I feel … Continue reading No More
A very long letter to the delusional, hoarding, alcoholic whore who thinks my husband gives a damn about her!
Journal Entry: Sunday, March 2, 2014, 7:40pm About six weeks ago I wrote a letter to my husband's acting out partner. I know I am not supposed to have any contact with this horrible woman who calls my phone all the time but does not leave a message. She blocks her number so that I … Continue reading A very long letter to the delusional, hoarding, alcoholic whore who thinks my husband gives a damn about her!
I hate pretending
Journal Entry: March 1, 2014. Last night and today have been rough. Before everything came out, before D-Day, he had made plans with an old high school friend and her husband. They were going to be in town and wanted to know if we wanted to go to a Jazz Concert with them. We planned … Continue reading I hate pretending
You expect me to believe this is addiction?
Journal Entry: Friday, February 28, 2014 "Somewhere between right and wrong is a garden; I'll meet you there." Rumi My husband has been officially diagnosed as a sex addict. He has a new therapist who specializes in this type of addiction. We now have a total of four therapists between us. I cannot describe how … Continue reading You expect me to believe this is addiction?
Out with the old, in with the new
Journal Entry: February 26, 2014 Things with my therapist are not going well. I have cancelled an appointment with her and have no intention of going back. She wants me to leave "Ted Bundy," I mean "B." She was completely freaked out by my self harm and thinks staying with my husband is just one … Continue reading Out with the old, in with the new
try not to cry on my rainbow 