I remember the day I found out my sister was a cutter. She always did the cutting in private, she hid the wounds and the scars. Her pain was hers and cutting was an outlet to release the pain. I knew she didn't do it for attention. I knew she was suffering an agony I … Continue reading Survival
PTSD
Betrayal doesn’t define me
Although my husband is a diagnosed sex addict, he is also a cheater. When I first found out about his cheating, I had no idea he was a sex addict or that such a thing was even real. There were a lot of revelations on his part over those first few days, and an obvious … Continue reading Betrayal doesn’t define me
On being an addict
Below is an old blog post Blue Eyes wrote while he was working on his fourth step. I thought I had read everything on his blog, but somehow I missed this. Honestly, I think this post speaks so very clearly to his struggle with being an addict. It was extremely difficult for me to read … Continue reading On being an addict
The good news, or the bad news?
What would you like first? Well, I have chosen to go with the bad first. The good will come next. I always choose bad news first, when given a choice. We returned last night from our five day anniversary trip to Victoria, British Columbia. On the trip, a couple of things were obvious. First, I … Continue reading The good news, or the bad news?
Bonding road trip from hell, part two
Journal Entry: October 12, 2014 The Science of Happiness and Well-Being We left Little River and the Heritage House and headed down the Highway towards Big Sur. The first portion of the drive was gorgeous and relatively uneventful. For lunch, we stopped in adorable Boonville in the Anderson Valley. It was gloriously sunny and nearly … Continue reading Bonding road trip from hell, part two
Stranger things have not happened
Today. I was going to name my post "Stranger things have happened," but you know what? Stranger things have never happened. While we were in Hawaii, my father got a call from my brother's friend saying she had been trying to get ahold of him for a day, but he was not returning her calls or … Continue reading Stranger things have not happened
I need a place to hide
Journal Entry: October 6, 2014 It's been a while since I talked about therapy. A couple weeks ago I decided I was ready to be done with my individual work. Basically, I was going round and round with issues with communication with my husband. I communicate, he doesn't. Me continuing to communicate in therapy, by … Continue reading I need a place to hide
The Golden Rule
As I sit here in paradise, it is obvious to me that the trauma symptoms from betrayal know no bounds. It doesn't matter how gorgeous the weather, or how blue the ocean waters, or how vibrant the tropical flowers, or how amazing the view is from the bathtub in our room, trauma is here, permeating … Continue reading The Golden Rule
Anxiety
Today I have been away from WordPress for a couple days. I miss it. I miss reading about how people are doing. I miss posting on my own blog. I don’t want to fall too far behind since I have still not caught up on my old journal entries. I am currently in Hawaii managing … Continue reading Anxiety
Where my pain comes from today
Journal Entry: September 1, 2014 Today's thoughts to my husband: I can feel the time slipping away, like watching sand in an hourglass. Each day we get a little closer to the one year mark. I know you can feel it too. This is not the time to swoop in at the eleventh hour, to … Continue reading Where my pain comes from today
try not to cry on my rainbow 